Sweet Elation!

Oh lord, how am I going to get anything done for work?  I am so lit from within.  I love the courage I feel to express the whole of my feelings for him in such great detail, to him directly.  I love this intimacy we have, and I love that he sincerely craves it as much as I do.  Finally a match in intensity.  No more scaring guys off.  No more other guys for placeholders.  This man is the real deal.  He’s everything to me.  How will I ever go on without him once death inevitable takes him???  I will.  I just know that I will.  It will suck tremendously, but every second we can squeeze in from now until then is a moment I will treasure for the rest of my life, thankful for it all, every minute bit of it. 

It feels like standing on a windy cliff, sure if I jump my chute will deploy and the ride will be incredible.  No fear, all confidence.  I’ve made lessor jumps a million times.  But this one, it’s the big one, the one I’ve been dreaming and planning all my life.  There’s an intense energy roaring through that I can’t quite put my finger on.  It’s energized.  It’s lovely and powerful.  Oh my gawd, I cannot wait for this to be invoked when he’s standing right before me, with all the time in the world to just be. 

Yeah, I’m stoked.  Yes, I know this high will come down to earth, probably in short order.  Who can predict these things?  Isn’t the greatest part about them, that when they come, they come by surprise, either by timing or intensity or both?  But the thing is, with this man, my man, he brings it back to me time and time again.  When that honeymoon feeling fades to the background, so far it’s always returned.  And the best part about this iteration is that it comes on the heels of an energetic spike from him towards me. 

What a ride!   

10 days… in a mere ten days we will be together again.  I cannot wait to feel my hand held in his… to be walking amid his gardens, drizzling rain or not, tucked up sweetly under his arms snuggling in bed.  And I love that he relishes every ounce of intense enthusiasm that runs through me.  I crave it and it’s sweet, sweet divinity, branded for the two of us. 

And I have to tell you, it’s such a rush dreaming and defining the life we will have together.  In a few short months, these trips will be us travelling to visit family rather than one another.  We will take them together.  We will be together-together.  <3  I feel like such a freaking little kid! Wheeee! :D

Delicious Distraction

Let me assure you, my absence here is all good.  My time is consumed with spaceman.  The more I seek him, the more he offers.  This is a bottomless pit of exploration... a bit of inner earth of our own.  

How can I possibly catch you up now?  Yes, still coming to live with us.  Yes, still showering me with love and sweet vigilant attention.  I'm blessed as I see no other.  I'm enthralled as I cannot begin to convey properly.  How can one simply slap some words together and recreate the magic, second-hand?  Maybe a movie can do that, maybe a book can come close, but really... the reality is that most people don't want to hear the gooshy entrails of love.  At least not in a public setting, online, it's too deep.  People don't have the tolerance for deep, because their attention has been trained to the surface.  At least on my blog, I can gush if I wanna. :]

It's sweet sticky hot cinnamon roll yummy, when I can't really eat such things (grain intolerance).  Many subjects have been touched upon, some deeper than others yet, but the big ones are broaching.  How can they not?  Soon, he will show up on my doorstep as a guest for the very last time.  The next time will be as family.  We, he and I, will be together-together.  That's what I call it.  No longer together-apart, but together-together.  There is much excitement in the air.  And, I love that everyone is taking this seriously.  They know.

In a week and a half, I will be arriving at his childhood home, meeting his parents, exploring his world, his roots.  I cannot wait.  We are building a future together and it's sweet.  We connect on so, so many fronts.  I feel incredibly blessed by something somewhere, as if the universe conspired for us to connect like this.  And, I believe that it somehow did.  How lucky can a girl be?  I can't seem to find the end of that.  Such delights in his words, such utter love purposefully and spontaneously directed at me.  He describes these things in great detail, until he's sure that I am sure of his love.  It leaves me a puddle on the ground and I rise again, reformed.  Gentle hammers like mallets banging out my imperfections, my setbacks, my ill-conceived notions.  Who could be luckier? <3