The world is right on the edge of a consciousness revolution.
All around us, every day we miss what's most important to remember, that brimming just below the surface of what's presented to us as a mass reality by the news and media outlets, is an underground network of groups and organizations doing what they can, where they can to better the experience of living in the drudgery of today's world.
In a virtual network that has found unlimited real life applications across various cross-sections of the world's population, the internet allows us to mingle with like-minded individuals, transact with ease, and invest in budding projects that represent ideals we believe in. It's commonplace now, to be moved to donate directly to individual causes while bypassing traditional banking systems and the corruption that often surfaces from board member abuses in more traditional and supposedly "non-profit" organizations.
Let's face it. Our world is full of corruption, left and right. There seems to be no corner of existence left where this corruption isn't abundantly apparent. It's collective effort is vying to pull us back and keep us entangled in a great struggle just to exist.
Tonight I sat in on a conference call with a grass-roots organization that I've been involved in for quite some time. Sadly, I've not been very active, just doing what I do to skate by on my participation level. There are a variety of reasons I've been lax through the years, but I think among the most prevalent reasons would have to be this sense of fruitlessness, both in the state of the world and in my own ability to be consistent and dedicated on a personal level. But while I sat in on this call, I heard explanations of initiatives underway that blew my mind in their vision, their scope, and not least of all, their effectiveness of intention. I heard people who were clearly entirely devoted and making amazing in-roads in penetrating various societal institutions such as healthcare professionals, leaders and professionals in corporations, and teachers. They are building networks to improve the quality of life for countless individuals, all while increasing their outreach in whatever ways that organically develop through the outreach efforts of its members.
I realized while I was listening in on that call, that as a volunteer in charge of a small corner of social media and technological outreach in my city, my lackadaisical approach to support is actually preventing others from being reached, from receiving the good this organization is offering in the world. I realized I am a barrier in my position, and it became clear that either I should step up to the plate and do my part or step out of the way so someone more qualified can.
And yet after the initial shame, a certain vigor set in as I thought to myself, wait... isn't my social media page buzzing with likes and activity despite my lack of attention? It is. What if I began to take a more active role in disseminating the information and resources at my fingertips? Could I find the inspiration to dive back in and take back up those reins in ways that I hadn't envisioned previously? I could. In fact, I want to!
That didn't mean I would, but my mind and heart are beginning to crystallize in an idea. I am here for a purpose that is larger than just me, and I finally see a way in which I can carry out that inner directive. Only, I'm not alone. A great many of us are here in waves, reaching out and connecting, building networks that vie for attention despite the lack of ready resources to do so.
I see online user groups devoted to consciousness raising, where people vastly communicate without negative trolls causing drama left and right. Yes, these DO exist! I see friends who don't want to discuss religion or politics because they just want to get along more than be stressed dealing with strong-willed but opposite-feeling so-callled friends of friends. I see innovative decentralized cryptocurrencies taking the power away from centralized banking organizations that were methodically put in place to rob us of the value of, and the assets themselves, over time. I see non-religious and religious spiritual groups teaching methods of connection and inward focus to aid the world in bettering oneself in order to in turn positively affect others we come in contact with on a daily basis. I see communities forming transparent, uncensored communications through blockchain blogging platforms and online resource-laden project directories bringing forth suppressed technologies and information.
Yes, beneath the suppression, beneath the propaganda of the old media machine and elite banking cartels, there is a bubbling network of consciousness-led initiatives fully formed and integrating society in ever more creative ways.
And when the old ways die back, when they are pruned from encapsulating the parameters of our lives, these organizations will take up the lead in creating the change we've so long wished to see in the world.
There is a veil of ignorance that is purposefully laid over the majority of the world. That veil is thinning and it's only a matter of a breakdown or two the status quo, the old constructs, that will allow the unseen to be seen, and the masses involved in activities that truly benefit societies the world over, to integrate at an exponential rate.
I want to be a part of that.
And now, I see the possibility with new eyes. And I'd better get back on track. The rest will naturally fall into place.
Friday, November 17, 2017
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Two Peas in a Pod
That's what we are... two peas in a pod.
We fit snuggled together, wrapped in the same layers of soul. Our coming here was planned, probably taken on the wildest chance to meet up in space and time.
A massive amount of us came here to this age, to see humanity into the next. We are Indigos, Crystals, and the like. We are here with good hearts, strong intentions and beautiful purpose to align our own ascensions with that of the earth and solar system... and all of its inhabitants.
Spaceman, being... well, spaceman... knows all this.
When I first met him, he spoke of the heavens full of stars. Back then, he was fascinated with stargazing through his self-guided telescope. Back then, I was studying astrology, men, and myself.
Looking back on 2005, it's no mystery to me how my friend Liz's death played a role in shaping the rest of my life with spaceman. But the "with spaceman" part wasn't always clear.
Liz.
I met Liz in a Conversations with God study group that met in a big name book store. This was six years prior to meeting spaceman for the first time... it was 1999 and I was still married to my ex-husband. I was devouring spiritual book after spiritual book. You know, it happens in cycles, years full of intellectual absorption of metaphysical concepts... then years of applying in more earnest. At those CWG study group meetings, we tried to support one another in applying spiritual knowledge to our lives. Our group grew smaller over the years, from 40 to about 5-7. We got to know one another's struggles in life. Liz, like many of us, struggled with breaking free from the oppressive nature of the debt-enslaved society. In 2004 or very early 2005, she and another member of the group had decided to take a spiritual sojourn to Sedona, Arizona. They went, had incredible experiences, and Liz absolutely fell in love with Sedona.
She and our friend T had a phase-in-phase-out experience where they lost one another even though they were in the same location. Sedona is known for its 7 vortexes. Vortexes are like chakras of the earth. They are also portals, high energy beams of sort, twisting and turning as they shoot out from the center of the earth. The point is, the energy was so trippy, they "lost" one another for a minute or two, then phased back to find one another. Crazy shit.
I remember Liz telling us that story, with T chiming in. Liz was so awed by Sedona, she decided to give notice at her call center job, pack up, and move across several states to AZ where she didn't know a single soul... and live in Sedona alone. She was THAT stoked. There's no way any of us could nor we would have tried to talk her out of it. In fact, we were all so happy for her, as she found what she truly wanted to do, was wise enough to recognize it, and was taking drastic steps to bring that dream into reality. She was our hero. We all encouraged her toward her dreams, as we each did for everyone in the group.
A couple of weeks later, Liz went down to the parking lot in her apartment community and suddenly dropped from a massive stroke while trying to get in her car. (Thankfully, it didn't happen while she was driving.) But she never recovered.
She was in a comma when the call came in to have an emergency CWG meeting in the hospital, bedside. Everyone was there. We held hands in a circle and said our good byes, encouraging her to release from this life. Later that or the next day, the doctors pulled the plug.
Liz's death, and her life, leading up to that magical last couple of months... the message was all about going after what you really want, once you find what you truly want in life... That much of the message in Liz's death was apparent to me from the beginning. "Don't wait your whole life to go after what you want, or you may just keel over from the ripple of it when it does happen. I decided I want to be alive for quite a while after I know what I want in life.' I recognized that lesson early on, though the living out of it is much harder than it sounds.
Liz's brothers weren't very close with her, but were good people. She had 2, and they both agreed to let members of the CWG group, Liz's chosen loved ones, to make end of life decisions, and also, funeral plans. They also participated with our spiritual ceremonies without fuss, and with genuine sincerity. It was all very beautiful.
There were 2 events. One, a book give-away in a botanical gardens, happened long after we returned. From where? From Sedona. It was decided that since Liz's dream was to live in Sedona, that we would spread her ashes there to honor that dream.
At the time, I was madly in love with spaceman. And since the occasion wasn't entirely sad... since we aimed to make it a celebration of her life rather than "a funeral", I invited spaceman to meet me out in Sedona and experience the trip with me... we would get a room to ourselves. So that's what we did.
It turns out... Sedona is one POWERFUL place.
Those vortexes don't mess around.
You can't see them. You can't necessarily feel them, at least I couldn't. I didn't even know how to mediate at that time. But we sure got proof of them. I have a photo, taken with my digital camera (they don't have light leaks and even if they did, none of the other photos taken at the same time have this "light leak"), that have pink coming in from both sides but not reaching the center. We also have the video from the native american healing ceremony (the service we held for her) when the video goes all pixellated for a bit, although there is not a darn thing distorted about the sound in those moments.
The other "proof" we have is more subjective. I came home from Sedona completely off kilter in an energetic subtle-body kind of way. One of my subtle-bodies (auric I assume), was swaying back and forth... for 3 full weeks until I had an energy worker ground me. It was then that I started experiencing major food intolerances. It takes some time for food intolerances to build up and express in the body... how much time, depends on the food and systems it affects in the body. For me, 3 weeks was just enough time to explain my symptoms. It would take me 10 years or more to learn to (mostly) not crave and give in to those problem foods.
Spaceman had the same kind of thing happen, sudden unexplainable reactions to food that had, up until then, been quite fine to eat in any quantity. Inexplicable! And yet, we both experienced it after Sedona. Coincidence? We did spend hours amid vortexes over a couple of days' time.
The energy in and around Sedona had a palatable effect over me while I was there, to the point of feeling so antsy that I was snippy. I didn't understand what was happening and was desperate to "get a grip on it" or else I feared I would seriously damage my relationship with spaceman. I wasn't being nice, and I couldn't seem to help it. I was in over my head there in Sedona.
Spaceman said the natives told people never to live there, only to visit. It was like that in Kentucky, too, in case you didn't know (but that's a different subject). I can seriously confirm: Sedona is INTENSE.
Spaceman and I crashed and burned in Sedona... we were both exploding with fireworks in so many ways, but also falling apart as a couple. At the same time that I was squirming, I was super magnetized with him. It was like one minute I was argumentative and the next I was drawn to jumping his bones. lol Talk about confusion!
All I could identify was I was conflicted and that was not a good place to be in, in a healthy relationship. I blamed the energy connection out of lack of any other plausible explanation and we went our separate ways after that trip.
I could go on and on about how pivotal that trip to Sedona was for spaceman, too. Five years later he would part ways from his girlfriend-after-me and move to Sedona, to live. He has many stories and a super healthy respect for the energies there.
And even though we split as a romantic couple after that trip, we were soon back in contact again through email. And that's how it went for 11 years... we remained the best of spiritual friends, always cherishing our friendship, always appreciating the honesty and clean-feeling communication we had about the things we each were going through in life. It was clear, especially to me, that our love, was beyond amazing, beyond ideal... it was too intense to withstand... at least in Sedona, haha (We had very little time together in person overall.)
We were careful to be absolutely platonic, as we each had lovers from time to time... He even LIVED WITH his girlfriend for years while we were pen pals. But then followed his dreams to live in Sedona. Just like Liz. Only spaceman survived it.
When it became apparent his lessons there were over, he went home to the mountains in Virginia.
Several life events later, we are back together, and it is apparent to both of us: that first trip to Sedona (because there will likely be another) left us razed as a couple, but it only took away the crud that stood between us. After we each worked through personality quirks and ego-driven tendencies (that probably would have been in the way between us even if we hadn't gone to Sedona and were magnified in a short period of time while in Sedona)... after we each cleaned up our acts, so to speak, then we could be together. And now, we are.
And as soon as we got back together, the energy has shifted and the veils have lifted, for me at least (they were already open for him by then), and we both better understand why we are here, why now, and why we are together while we are here. We understand a good deal more about our purpose, and it seems to be inextricably intertwined with one another. We are twin flames. We are old souls. We are seeded here from other world civilizations to be here now, to love the crap out of one another and to follow our dreams, leading the way for others.
How exactly we do that, tastes so delicious in mere mixing of it, that we just cannot imagine anything less than getting what we want and making a wonderful life of it.
Soon: a vision board. The board it already bought. Just need dreams. ;)
We fit snuggled together, wrapped in the same layers of soul. Our coming here was planned, probably taken on the wildest chance to meet up in space and time.
A massive amount of us came here to this age, to see humanity into the next. We are Indigos, Crystals, and the like. We are here with good hearts, strong intentions and beautiful purpose to align our own ascensions with that of the earth and solar system... and all of its inhabitants.
Spaceman, being... well, spaceman... knows all this.
When I first met him, he spoke of the heavens full of stars. Back then, he was fascinated with stargazing through his self-guided telescope. Back then, I was studying astrology, men, and myself.
Looking back on 2005, it's no mystery to me how my friend Liz's death played a role in shaping the rest of my life with spaceman. But the "with spaceman" part wasn't always clear.
Liz.
I met Liz in a Conversations with God study group that met in a big name book store. This was six years prior to meeting spaceman for the first time... it was 1999 and I was still married to my ex-husband. I was devouring spiritual book after spiritual book. You know, it happens in cycles, years full of intellectual absorption of metaphysical concepts... then years of applying in more earnest. At those CWG study group meetings, we tried to support one another in applying spiritual knowledge to our lives. Our group grew smaller over the years, from 40 to about 5-7. We got to know one another's struggles in life. Liz, like many of us, struggled with breaking free from the oppressive nature of the debt-enslaved society. In 2004 or very early 2005, she and another member of the group had decided to take a spiritual sojourn to Sedona, Arizona. They went, had incredible experiences, and Liz absolutely fell in love with Sedona.
She and our friend T had a phase-in-phase-out experience where they lost one another even though they were in the same location. Sedona is known for its 7 vortexes. Vortexes are like chakras of the earth. They are also portals, high energy beams of sort, twisting and turning as they shoot out from the center of the earth. The point is, the energy was so trippy, they "lost" one another for a minute or two, then phased back to find one another. Crazy shit.
I remember Liz telling us that story, with T chiming in. Liz was so awed by Sedona, she decided to give notice at her call center job, pack up, and move across several states to AZ where she didn't know a single soul... and live in Sedona alone. She was THAT stoked. There's no way any of us could nor we would have tried to talk her out of it. In fact, we were all so happy for her, as she found what she truly wanted to do, was wise enough to recognize it, and was taking drastic steps to bring that dream into reality. She was our hero. We all encouraged her toward her dreams, as we each did for everyone in the group.
A couple of weeks later, Liz went down to the parking lot in her apartment community and suddenly dropped from a massive stroke while trying to get in her car. (Thankfully, it didn't happen while she was driving.) But she never recovered.
She was in a comma when the call came in to have an emergency CWG meeting in the hospital, bedside. Everyone was there. We held hands in a circle and said our good byes, encouraging her to release from this life. Later that or the next day, the doctors pulled the plug.
Liz's death, and her life, leading up to that magical last couple of months... the message was all about going after what you really want, once you find what you truly want in life... That much of the message in Liz's death was apparent to me from the beginning. "Don't wait your whole life to go after what you want, or you may just keel over from the ripple of it when it does happen. I decided I want to be alive for quite a while after I know what I want in life.' I recognized that lesson early on, though the living out of it is much harder than it sounds.
Liz's brothers weren't very close with her, but were good people. She had 2, and they both agreed to let members of the CWG group, Liz's chosen loved ones, to make end of life decisions, and also, funeral plans. They also participated with our spiritual ceremonies without fuss, and with genuine sincerity. It was all very beautiful.
There were 2 events. One, a book give-away in a botanical gardens, happened long after we returned. From where? From Sedona. It was decided that since Liz's dream was to live in Sedona, that we would spread her ashes there to honor that dream.
At the time, I was madly in love with spaceman. And since the occasion wasn't entirely sad... since we aimed to make it a celebration of her life rather than "a funeral", I invited spaceman to meet me out in Sedona and experience the trip with me... we would get a room to ourselves. So that's what we did.
It turns out... Sedona is one POWERFUL place.
Those vortexes don't mess around.
You can't see them. You can't necessarily feel them, at least I couldn't. I didn't even know how to mediate at that time. But we sure got proof of them. I have a photo, taken with my digital camera (they don't have light leaks and even if they did, none of the other photos taken at the same time have this "light leak"), that have pink coming in from both sides but not reaching the center. We also have the video from the native american healing ceremony (the service we held for her) when the video goes all pixellated for a bit, although there is not a darn thing distorted about the sound in those moments.
The other "proof" we have is more subjective. I came home from Sedona completely off kilter in an energetic subtle-body kind of way. One of my subtle-bodies (auric I assume), was swaying back and forth... for 3 full weeks until I had an energy worker ground me. It was then that I started experiencing major food intolerances. It takes some time for food intolerances to build up and express in the body... how much time, depends on the food and systems it affects in the body. For me, 3 weeks was just enough time to explain my symptoms. It would take me 10 years or more to learn to (mostly) not crave and give in to those problem foods.
Spaceman had the same kind of thing happen, sudden unexplainable reactions to food that had, up until then, been quite fine to eat in any quantity. Inexplicable! And yet, we both experienced it after Sedona. Coincidence? We did spend hours amid vortexes over a couple of days' time.
The energy in and around Sedona had a palatable effect over me while I was there, to the point of feeling so antsy that I was snippy. I didn't understand what was happening and was desperate to "get a grip on it" or else I feared I would seriously damage my relationship with spaceman. I wasn't being nice, and I couldn't seem to help it. I was in over my head there in Sedona.
Spaceman said the natives told people never to live there, only to visit. It was like that in Kentucky, too, in case you didn't know (but that's a different subject). I can seriously confirm: Sedona is INTENSE.
Spaceman and I crashed and burned in Sedona... we were both exploding with fireworks in so many ways, but also falling apart as a couple. At the same time that I was squirming, I was super magnetized with him. It was like one minute I was argumentative and the next I was drawn to jumping his bones. lol Talk about confusion!
All I could identify was I was conflicted and that was not a good place to be in, in a healthy relationship. I blamed the energy connection out of lack of any other plausible explanation and we went our separate ways after that trip.
I could go on and on about how pivotal that trip to Sedona was for spaceman, too. Five years later he would part ways from his girlfriend-after-me and move to Sedona, to live. He has many stories and a super healthy respect for the energies there.
And even though we split as a romantic couple after that trip, we were soon back in contact again through email. And that's how it went for 11 years... we remained the best of spiritual friends, always cherishing our friendship, always appreciating the honesty and clean-feeling communication we had about the things we each were going through in life. It was clear, especially to me, that our love, was beyond amazing, beyond ideal... it was too intense to withstand... at least in Sedona, haha (We had very little time together in person overall.)
We were careful to be absolutely platonic, as we each had lovers from time to time... He even LIVED WITH his girlfriend for years while we were pen pals. But then followed his dreams to live in Sedona. Just like Liz. Only spaceman survived it.
When it became apparent his lessons there were over, he went home to the mountains in Virginia.
Several life events later, we are back together, and it is apparent to both of us: that first trip to Sedona (because there will likely be another) left us razed as a couple, but it only took away the crud that stood between us. After we each worked through personality quirks and ego-driven tendencies (that probably would have been in the way between us even if we hadn't gone to Sedona and were magnified in a short period of time while in Sedona)... after we each cleaned up our acts, so to speak, then we could be together. And now, we are.
And as soon as we got back together, the energy has shifted and the veils have lifted, for me at least (they were already open for him by then), and we both better understand why we are here, why now, and why we are together while we are here. We understand a good deal more about our purpose, and it seems to be inextricably intertwined with one another. We are twin flames. We are old souls. We are seeded here from other world civilizations to be here now, to love the crap out of one another and to follow our dreams, leading the way for others.
How exactly we do that, tastes so delicious in mere mixing of it, that we just cannot imagine anything less than getting what we want and making a wonderful life of it.
Soon: a vision board. The board it already bought. Just need dreams. ;)
Sunday, May 07, 2017
Sundays
Sunday mornings may be my favorite. It's easy to discount weekdays, because, well: work. And Saturdays are often just as good as a Sunday, but Sundays have a magic all their own. Let's just chalk it up to less commitments and less shopping hours in the day. It's the last day of the weekend before the work-week cycle restarts, and I for one am trying to make the most of it. And to me, that means getting in as much R&R as I can, doing things that are regenerative to my spirit.
That doesn't always work out in entirety. Sometimes I must squeeze in a task or two, like today. Today I need to spend some time over at my parent's house where the food is being stored (not enough space here) for my daughter's high school graduation party in two weeks. We need to season, patty, and individually freeze hamburgers. We're also preparing some "chicken on the stick", so those need to be skewered as well, and frozen.
But other than that, I'm not quite sure how I will spend my day... but I do know who I will spend it with: spaceman of course. <3
The backyard is our refuge, so I'll probably look to see what other things I can tackle in order to spend some time more time out there.
Right now we have 4 yellow cherry tomato plants and 6 collard greens in individual pots, plus 6 plastic "egg cartons" with seeds. We're kind of late getting those started, but we figure, better late than never. And besides, if they don't do well (the seeds) then we can always just buy some starter plants at the store. But... if the seeds kick ass, then that's avoided.
One of my egg cartons is full of giant sunflower seeds. I plan to plant the majority of them out front in the landscaping near the house. I hope they grow up to be magnificent giants and awe the neighbors. Maybe some will think it gawdy, but I will take great delight in those "flowers". Mine will just be bigger than the average joe's. hehe
There's also a few bare spots this year in the hedges around my back yard fence. Those hedges are rose-a-sharon that are easily 10 ft tall. The giant sunflowers will fill in the spaces, reclaiming our privacy in full. I hope to get my crap together enough to learn how to grow some rose-a-sharon from seed or whatever other method I discover is best. Then by next fall or spring (whenever I learn is best), I'll plant them where the sunflowers were. It won't help with next year's privacy, but... I can only do what I can do.
Spaceman has determined our plans for things we want to grow is too big for even our new enlarged garden space, so he's going to get out the tiller yet again and extend it. lol Since I started gardening, that garden (I have a few) was 10 ' x 10', and he has already increased it to 20' x 20'. But yeah, it's going to have to go bigger. We want too much!! Last night we were discussing it and he said (again), "We need a small farm." This conversation forked off into several tangents, as per our usual.
To me, gardening is the one thing I can do that the oppressive debt-driven society has no effective control over. And it makes dents in so many other aspects life that are damaged and not thriving well at all. Gardening does these things that motivate me to do it:
That doesn't always work out in entirety. Sometimes I must squeeze in a task or two, like today. Today I need to spend some time over at my parent's house where the food is being stored (not enough space here) for my daughter's high school graduation party in two weeks. We need to season, patty, and individually freeze hamburgers. We're also preparing some "chicken on the stick", so those need to be skewered as well, and frozen.
But other than that, I'm not quite sure how I will spend my day... but I do know who I will spend it with: spaceman of course. <3
The backyard is our refuge, so I'll probably look to see what other things I can tackle in order to spend some time more time out there.
Right now we have 4 yellow cherry tomato plants and 6 collard greens in individual pots, plus 6 plastic "egg cartons" with seeds. We're kind of late getting those started, but we figure, better late than never. And besides, if they don't do well (the seeds) then we can always just buy some starter plants at the store. But... if the seeds kick ass, then that's avoided.
One of my egg cartons is full of giant sunflower seeds. I plan to plant the majority of them out front in the landscaping near the house. I hope they grow up to be magnificent giants and awe the neighbors. Maybe some will think it gawdy, but I will take great delight in those "flowers". Mine will just be bigger than the average joe's. hehe
There's also a few bare spots this year in the hedges around my back yard fence. Those hedges are rose-a-sharon that are easily 10 ft tall. The giant sunflowers will fill in the spaces, reclaiming our privacy in full. I hope to get my crap together enough to learn how to grow some rose-a-sharon from seed or whatever other method I discover is best. Then by next fall or spring (whenever I learn is best), I'll plant them where the sunflowers were. It won't help with next year's privacy, but... I can only do what I can do.
Spaceman has determined our plans for things we want to grow is too big for even our new enlarged garden space, so he's going to get out the tiller yet again and extend it. lol Since I started gardening, that garden (I have a few) was 10 ' x 10', and he has already increased it to 20' x 20'. But yeah, it's going to have to go bigger. We want too much!! Last night we were discussing it and he said (again), "We need a small farm." This conversation forked off into several tangents, as per our usual.
To me, gardening is the one thing I can do that the oppressive debt-driven society has no effective control over. And it makes dents in so many other aspects life that are damaged and not thriving well at all. Gardening does these things that motivate me to do it:
- Growing chemical-free food - as much as possible - depends on neighbors practices, too - mine don't seem to spray their lawns thankfully. Can't avoid chemtrail fallout.
- Eat healthier - It's fresher, in season, can be preserved, stocked. And it gets me eating more veggies than processed, boxed, frozen, or slaughtered food.
- Saves money - not buying it from the big-box store
- Be active - gardening is hard physical work sometimes! Beats slaving away on machines while watching TV at the gym.
- Recharges energy - garden barefoot or just being outdoors, either way, there is something about being outdoors that is spiritually regenerative. This cannot be understated.
- Produces vitamin D - just being in the sun helps your body produce it's own Vitamin D. Vitamin D is said to be a huge help in keeping cancer at bay.
- Apocalypse skills - yep, I'm just going to say it. It's only partially in jest. My son says this gardening skill stuff is what has earned me a spot on his zombie apocalypse team, it was iffy before that. lol Joking aside, come some 1929-like famine, farming skills, which are currently generations lost, would make the single most largest difference in quality of life for a while.
That's just off the top of my head. I *really* enjoy gardening with my best friend and love of my life, spaceman. He's so much better at it than I am, he says "from experience". And that is what I lack, being from the suburbs and him being from Appalachia. Certain traditions have been kept through the generations in areas that are more traditional in expression. Appalachia, though also changing, has retained some of that knowledge and skills of living closer with the land, and thankfully passed it on to him, who is passing it on to me.
Someday in the next however many years... we will move to an acre or two of good land for a small homestead. Cannot wait!
Monday, February 27, 2017
It's Begun
It doesn't feel weird to say this, but I think so many of us are going through a quickening of one variety or another. As fast and all consuming it drives each of our own attention, it's rather amazing to witness what I am seeing.
For me, the whole thing is wrapped up in my own rising consciousness. It's funny... ironic, to look back and know that at one point, all the levels at which I have come to peel back the layers of the veils that keep us under control, quite literally as David Wilcock termed, "free range slaves".
My layoff in 2011 ensured I hit bottom so that I could rise like a phoenix into the midst of a world-wide, hell solar system-wide, mass ascension event.
Yes. I am keenly aware of how absurd that very likely sounds to you. But the thing is... I bet it doesn't sound as outlandish today as it did 10 years ago. How about 20 years ago?
The world is changing. CONSCIOUSNESS is changing. We truly are infinite intelligence experiencing itself in duality. The holographic or simulated marcrosm to microsm. From base to pineal gland, we are arising. We are reaching critical mass. The powers that control us are themselves fracturing and turning on one another. Revelations are coming. Funny how they call it the book of revelations. That's just another way of saying that the populace will reach critical mass in their understanding. Spaceman could tell you all about biblical symbologies and relate them to the stars and planets in the sky.
The history of our solar system is fascinating. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you. It's THAT outrageous. But every person on this planet deserves to know. THAT much, I do know. It's just, we each discover these things on our own, and at our own pace. Only... right now... now is the time.
With the mainstream media control structures crumbling, "tin foil hat conspirists" will be taken more seriously by all, because when the world knows they have been dupped, and to such a degree, they will begin to think even more critically. Eventually the pieces will form enough of a picture to where the understanding, however bleak, of how the elite has been controlling us, will gel in the minds of the masses. It is only a matter of time before we take our own free and creative wills back as a humanity.
For probably a year now, I've been deep diving into full disclosure. It's time to open up a bit about it, be brave to discuss it and stuff... you know, be the me that I AM, authentically. Knowing about all this and living like societal norms dictate... it's part of what's wrong with society. Those of us who know, are going to start speaking up more. It's time. The world is waking up. We are realizing what's really going on... and demanding better.
In order to walk my talk... I need to do that more transparently, rather than despite my interactions with others. This is what will spread further awareness in the world. There's so much to save and heal.
For me, the whole thing is wrapped up in my own rising consciousness. It's funny... ironic, to look back and know that at one point, all the levels at which I have come to peel back the layers of the veils that keep us under control, quite literally as David Wilcock termed, "free range slaves".
My layoff in 2011 ensured I hit bottom so that I could rise like a phoenix into the midst of a world-wide, hell solar system-wide, mass ascension event.
Yes. I am keenly aware of how absurd that very likely sounds to you. But the thing is... I bet it doesn't sound as outlandish today as it did 10 years ago. How about 20 years ago?
The world is changing. CONSCIOUSNESS is changing. We truly are infinite intelligence experiencing itself in duality. The holographic or simulated marcrosm to microsm. From base to pineal gland, we are arising. We are reaching critical mass. The powers that control us are themselves fracturing and turning on one another. Revelations are coming. Funny how they call it the book of revelations. That's just another way of saying that the populace will reach critical mass in their understanding. Spaceman could tell you all about biblical symbologies and relate them to the stars and planets in the sky.
The history of our solar system is fascinating. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you. It's THAT outrageous. But every person on this planet deserves to know. THAT much, I do know. It's just, we each discover these things on our own, and at our own pace. Only... right now... now is the time.
With the mainstream media control structures crumbling, "tin foil hat conspirists" will be taken more seriously by all, because when the world knows they have been dupped, and to such a degree, they will begin to think even more critically. Eventually the pieces will form enough of a picture to where the understanding, however bleak, of how the elite has been controlling us, will gel in the minds of the masses. It is only a matter of time before we take our own free and creative wills back as a humanity.
For probably a year now, I've been deep diving into full disclosure. It's time to open up a bit about it, be brave to discuss it and stuff... you know, be the me that I AM, authentically. Knowing about all this and living like societal norms dictate... it's part of what's wrong with society. Those of us who know, are going to start speaking up more. It's time. The world is waking up. We are realizing what's really going on... and demanding better.
In order to walk my talk... I need to do that more transparently, rather than despite my interactions with others. This is what will spread further awareness in the world. There's so much to save and heal.
Thursday, February 16, 2017
The Journey
The journey is never a straight road.
No matter how well you travel with another, there will be challenges along the road.
This is life, life's ebb and flow. It's in how you respond that you have some effect towards a positive outcome... or, a negative one. That's life. We learn this through trial and error. When you travel the road of life with another, you must navigate in such a way that you each are flexible with one another's exploration of Self. Your life path will unfold, and when it unfolds together, to orchestrate it and be foreseen.... it's immensely sweet unfolding. Every disagreement, deeper understanding gained.
But to find this, we must understand:
Love is self love, too. It's not just the other, it's you TOO. When you embody love, you in good faith naturally explore how to honor your Self, as it is revealed to you, lifetime to lifetime. Your Self (not self) will align with cosmic expressions, holographic, non-linear. But, here, as starseeds/wanderers to help usher in a new age, a new earth as earth itself ascends.
That is a path to know your Self. There are many other paths.
I feel so incredibly lucky to have met, and re-met, spaceman. He's an incredibly fascinating soul. Our conversations never end. Good stuff. Juicy stuff. real stuff. life stuff. mystical stuff. sexy stuff. wanderer stuff.
But every couple has their misunderstandings, or off nights; they need room to be human.
We also need room to be starseeds. Why starseeds? It's a good question and the many answers can lift the veil of mass control and lead to a consciousness revolution. And that's exactly what's happening right now. There are many of us here at this time. We find it abborrent at what's being done to us, to so many more than just us...
The answers are potent, but it's a long rabbit hole you cannot come back from. You cannot not know something you now know.
No matter how well you travel with another, there will be challenges along the road.
This is life, life's ebb and flow. It's in how you respond that you have some effect towards a positive outcome... or, a negative one. That's life. We learn this through trial and error. When you travel the road of life with another, you must navigate in such a way that you each are flexible with one another's exploration of Self. Your life path will unfold, and when it unfolds together, to orchestrate it and be foreseen.... it's immensely sweet unfolding. Every disagreement, deeper understanding gained.
But to find this, we must understand:
Love is self love, too. It's not just the other, it's you TOO. When you embody love, you in good faith naturally explore how to honor your Self, as it is revealed to you, lifetime to lifetime. Your Self (not self) will align with cosmic expressions, holographic, non-linear. But, here, as starseeds/wanderers to help usher in a new age, a new earth as earth itself ascends.
That is a path to know your Self. There are many other paths.
I feel so incredibly lucky to have met, and re-met, spaceman. He's an incredibly fascinating soul. Our conversations never end. Good stuff. Juicy stuff. real stuff. life stuff. mystical stuff. sexy stuff. wanderer stuff.
But every couple has their misunderstandings, or off nights; they need room to be human.
We also need room to be starseeds. Why starseeds? It's a good question and the many answers can lift the veil of mass control and lead to a consciousness revolution. And that's exactly what's happening right now. There are many of us here at this time. We find it abborrent at what's being done to us, to so many more than just us...
The answers are potent, but it's a long rabbit hole you cannot come back from. You cannot not know something you now know.
Monday, January 30, 2017
My Superpower
I seem to have a moral compass that is finely tuned. It’s high-minded and inclusive. It’s also compassionate and can ride a hard-line between highly specific, customized insights - personalized for each person in the moment they are receiving it from me - and downright slammed like a sledgehammer on concrete.
Because of this... let's just call it a personality trait... I try to never give anyone reason to rightfully swing such a hammer on me. Though I am far from perfect, I do aim to be vigilant and spiritually aligned in this way.
One one hand, what I say can come across as the most understanding, gentle and timely intuitive words… words that gently find fissures and cracks in thought processes in the most understated ways. But on the other hand, if you cross me or someone I love in a repetitive pattern a couple times or more, I will bring the hammer down hard in the most concise and direct way as I can at the time (once in a while, hind-sight kicks my own ass). Though I will always try to do it in the least messy way, sometimes a message can be delivered with a great, concise purpose and do it best through the birthing process of emotional pain. Finding that particular fissure in the cracks between too little and too much is always a HUGE risk. I have lost friends and lovers this way. I have even lost family members for periods of time.
Though it is nearly always a deeply deliberated response, I stress greatly over this and understand the risks to the best I can muster. Always by this point, my intellect-backed intuition is SCREAMINGand demanding imminent attention. And to clarify, I said “’nearly always’ a deliberate response”, because sometimes – it’s rare, but it does happen – I am blind-sided by an encounter and my tell-it-like-it-really-is, high-moral, argumentative self can pierce armor like the best of the best in a fraction of a second. Because people cannot take what they hear, I have been beaten physically for this, mostly when I was younger. (Childhood fights) Thankfully, I have mostly avoided this as an adult (not entirely). I once had my nose shattered. I take it as a sign of being cared for by my spirit guides and the universe in general, that I had no pain despite that shattering, and even required no nasal packing after reconstructive surgery, and no pain management medication.
That is the extreme. Usually words are enough and people either initially recoil from the shock (I’m usually rather docile) and then return after a period of time to discuss insights mulled over, or they cannot be reached and we are finished relating hence forth. But one thing I do know… those encounters are not likely ever forgotten – and probably – irregularly revisited in memory for the rest of their lives. In those situations, when our relationship is severed, I trust that time will reveal relevant truths, to them, and to me.
I’m not afraid to be wrong. And if I am, and that person is reasonable, I will likely apologize for my own transgressions even if they never do. Kindness, compassion, and reconciliation are also potent lessons lying in wait for revelation to strike like lightning.
Those memes where it says, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness”… that’s me. I’m the bestest friend you may ever know, if you are open enough to relate deeply and life takes us in that particular direction. I will seem like a bit of a push-over from time to time. That is me giving space for you to be you, and you to sort out your own pieces. I’m there to listen. I’m there to mirror. I’m there to enjoy our friendship/relationship. I will support your own unique process and do it at the pace at which it feels organic to you.
But if you hurt me, or those I love… I WILL NOT be afraid to call you out on it, and you may not like the experience of it.
That said…. When someone responds with, “I’m sorry. I understand.” POWERFUL HEALING – of both parties - can be born.
This is my superpower. I own it, and I wield it with care.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Gaining Altitude
Change has been in the air. It occurred to me that while spaceman is busy doing what he loves to do - creating wiggle room in my life, creating space - I can relax more since I have less run-around to do.
He doesn't like when I do the dishes, not because I do them poorly, but because he considers that his job. It's nice. When I come home from work, dinner is taken care of. Every day, the dishes are kept up. A week before he moved in, our dishwasher broke down. I haven't missed the thing and don't intend on getting it fixed any time soon since he prefers to wash the dishes by hand.
All these years our family nemesis has been that giant sink full of dishes. Then practically overnight, it's a non-issue. Now when I cook, it's because I feel inspired. Usually that's breakfast on the weekend.
With my newfound free time, I've taken up painting. Of course, I'm painting a sunset, based off one of my own photos. It's amazingly fun, and turning out fairly decent. <3
I've also been waking up earlier, not to get to work any earlier, but to do hatha yoga and meditation before work. Combining that with eating less meat and more salads, my sleep quota is coming down. I think I'm on an astonishing 3 or 4 day streak of waking up before my alarm goes off. It even happened one day when I set it an hour early. This is unheard of for me.
If I dream at night, the first thing I do upon waking is record them in an app on my phone. So far, I haven't taken the additional time to analyze them, but some are getting interesting, including one dream with a multitude of armadillos - not an everyday dream symbol. Oh! And the other day, I dreamed I was flying!!! I cannot recall the last time I flew in my dreams. Flying has always been something I do when in higher spirits. It's a very good omen.
What I haven't been doing is going out drinking (except my work Christmas party *ahem*) or spending much time with friends... time that was usually filled with less sober activities. I'm not toking it up daily, or even weekly for that matter. I'm kind of a different me, but the same. I like it, especially the deeper sleep part. Knowing exactly how bad insomnia has affected me through the years, I'm always so very thankful not to have it anymore.
Oh, and I made so many changes, I accidentally found myself 3 days into a no-caffeine binge... I didn't mean to. I guess I just felt alert enough and didn't think to drink any. Go figure. But rest assured, I broke that trend with a cup of green tea after having lunch with a co-worker and eating a potato based lunch, which made me sleepy.
All this and it wasn't exactly smooth waters when I first started out. I just kind of threw myself, purposefully, into a whole host of changes at once. In the past I've been careful not to bite off more than I could chew. But it occurred to me that while that strategy might have seemed wise in the past, now it just seemed like all it may have done was not change enough and leave me too close to unchanged, which leads to relapse of old bad habits. So I decided to bite off more than I would normally attempt to chew. Maybe it's the leaving behind of a great many old habits, to cleave myself to the new.... but I also know that without spaceman's efforts to alleviate some of my normal load, I'm sure this would have all come crashing down on me a week or less into it.
Instead, I'm starting to fly again in my dreams. <3
He doesn't like when I do the dishes, not because I do them poorly, but because he considers that his job. It's nice. When I come home from work, dinner is taken care of. Every day, the dishes are kept up. A week before he moved in, our dishwasher broke down. I haven't missed the thing and don't intend on getting it fixed any time soon since he prefers to wash the dishes by hand.
All these years our family nemesis has been that giant sink full of dishes. Then practically overnight, it's a non-issue. Now when I cook, it's because I feel inspired. Usually that's breakfast on the weekend.
With my newfound free time, I've taken up painting. Of course, I'm painting a sunset, based off one of my own photos. It's amazingly fun, and turning out fairly decent. <3
I've also been waking up earlier, not to get to work any earlier, but to do hatha yoga and meditation before work. Combining that with eating less meat and more salads, my sleep quota is coming down. I think I'm on an astonishing 3 or 4 day streak of waking up before my alarm goes off. It even happened one day when I set it an hour early. This is unheard of for me.
If I dream at night, the first thing I do upon waking is record them in an app on my phone. So far, I haven't taken the additional time to analyze them, but some are getting interesting, including one dream with a multitude of armadillos - not an everyday dream symbol. Oh! And the other day, I dreamed I was flying!!! I cannot recall the last time I flew in my dreams. Flying has always been something I do when in higher spirits. It's a very good omen.
What I haven't been doing is going out drinking (except my work Christmas party *ahem*) or spending much time with friends... time that was usually filled with less sober activities. I'm not toking it up daily, or even weekly for that matter. I'm kind of a different me, but the same. I like it, especially the deeper sleep part. Knowing exactly how bad insomnia has affected me through the years, I'm always so very thankful not to have it anymore.
Oh, and I made so many changes, I accidentally found myself 3 days into a no-caffeine binge... I didn't mean to. I guess I just felt alert enough and didn't think to drink any. Go figure. But rest assured, I broke that trend with a cup of green tea after having lunch with a co-worker and eating a potato based lunch, which made me sleepy.
All this and it wasn't exactly smooth waters when I first started out. I just kind of threw myself, purposefully, into a whole host of changes at once. In the past I've been careful not to bite off more than I could chew. But it occurred to me that while that strategy might have seemed wise in the past, now it just seemed like all it may have done was not change enough and leave me too close to unchanged, which leads to relapse of old bad habits. So I decided to bite off more than I would normally attempt to chew. Maybe it's the leaving behind of a great many old habits, to cleave myself to the new.... but I also know that without spaceman's efforts to alleviate some of my normal load, I'm sure this would have all come crashing down on me a week or less into it.
Instead, I'm starting to fly again in my dreams. <3
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Motivation
What is intrinsic and extrinsic motivation?
"The terms “intrinsic” and “extrinsic” refer to where your motivation comes from, whether it is within you or outside of you.
Intrinsic motivation is motivation that is based on internal factors like what you like to do and things that make you happy. For example, my brother works for a snowboard company because he loves snowboarding and is happiest when he is on the slopes.
Extrinsic motivation is motivation that is based on external factors like money, rewards, obligations, or approval. For example, my brother sells a specific number of snowboards each year because he needs to make money and wants to earn rewards from his job."
Read more at: https://www.khanacademy.org/test-prep/mcat/behavior/physiological-and-sociocultural-concepts-of-motivation-and-attitudes/a/motivation-article-2
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I’m feeling intrinsically motivated to start new projects and spread more awareness. It’s like a newfound energy is springing forth from within that seeks its own means and ends. It’s my perspective that if I begin to follow through on these little ideas that keep popping up, then one of them –or more – will start to take hold and become something.
Things like:
- Running a Facebook page with a positive theme for creating a better future
I created the page a while ago, but it’s been non-public and just “an idea” since then. - Learning to paint
I started this a week ago, but it’s been on my “want to do list” for a long time. And now… now I have live-in teacher. <3 He’s all too eager to teach me, too. ;) - Home-improvement projects
Yeah, this one isn’t so much me (anymore) as they are for spaceman haha. But seriously, we want to move in a couple years, and we figure a little project here and there is a good investment towards a swift sale process one day. - Meditation & Yoga
This one is ALWAYS on my list of “do better at” things. As spaceman has brought a definitive example of dedication into my life and has been taking up some of my responsibilities as his own, I can now find more time for this. It’s time to get serious! - Writing!
Oh how I crave to just pour my thoughts out through my fingertips! The fact that so many little blurbs are popping into my head, fueled through my increased clarity as of late, is so encouraging. I may not have the time just then when the thoughts come to me, but they’re happening enough that sometimes they get recorded, even if it’s usually in some private file or journal. - Dreams
I seem to have a knack for symbolic dreaming. Right now they are happening pretty much every night, even if I’m not slowing down to record them. I feel like this is a “source” that’s ready to be tapped. I have such great luck with Tarot cards and dreams feel quite like that in many ways. It’s a personal area of focus that feel rich and ripe with content to be explored.
Yeah, it’s pretty much a lot of the same stuff I’ve always wanted to delve more into, but isn’t it great that I’m feeling this surge, as if I could really take off with one or more of them? Yes. :-)
It’s snowing outside, soooo beautiful! But back to the extrinsic corporate world… for now…
Friday, November 25, 2016
My Feminie
Laying snuggled tightly, my head resting in the soft place where his shoulder meets his chest, all my comfort rested in gratitude while being pulled in close and closer still.
Under a pile of blankets in a crisp cool upstairs room where the heat has not been turned on, he holds me in his childhood mountain home. Here everything seems right enough with the world and I could not be one iota happier.
Having been musing over our life together now and our lives spent apart so many years, an intense protective comfort pervades our rested embrace and he says to me, "You feel so incredibly feminine. Your energy is so deliciously feminine. It feels sooooo good." And in an instant, I know exactly what and why he is saying this to me. For I do feel such a pristine, uniquely peaceful, unworried confidence in his love for me and mine for him. Somehow it has rendered this voraciously independent and outspoken woman to utter words she had never conceived together before. "It's a strong independent woman completely surrendered."
Don't misunderstand my words.
All my life I have been unconsciously and consciously seeking a man who embodies the strongest of morals, the most cutting of ethics, all the while never wielding them unless absolutely necessary. All my life I've watched as the men I've engaged with eventually (and usually unconsciously) disclosed the limits of their compassion, the state of their understanding as less than what's needed and hoped for. For I wanted the world from them because the world is what I face. And I did not want to face it alone.
For so long I have battled my struggles with or without the understanding of those around me. Now, he's here. Now, he shows me in a million tiny and gigantic ways that he understands. Now, when life's inevitable struggles knock and pound at my door, he stands between it and me, and only if need be... because he also has complete faith in my ability (and desire) to fend for myself. But when the hammer needs to fall, he will slam it. I love this about him. It's incredibly satiating to know he's here experiencing it all with me, both of us at each other's sides, but also... it's dangerous is it not? If ever he were to decide to slam that metaphorical hatchet down between he and I, consciously or not, attempting to sever the bond between us... at this point, I would be irrevocably devastated.
And yet we are beyond the worrying about that.
And being beyond it, my raging lion's roar is a cute sleeping kitten in his arms. There is no fear being with him. There is no worry keeping me up at night. There are no doubts eating away through subconscious thought. Pure, alive, exposed little-girl-spun dreams lay open and nourished in his care. How can I not give him the best of me? How can I not find this open space, safe? The very nature of it begets a natural surrender of all the piss and vinegar of my spirit. It's not only not necessary here, it's treasured. He loves all my piss and vinegar. He tells me so, as I also know his keen judgment is for our benefit, not just his own, he knows my fire is for us both and not just my own. Not any more.
It's been a long, long effort, to walk our individual lives, wielding our individual swords of justice, walking our separate but parallel paths through this often harsh and beautifully wild world. Shared pleasures and nuances in seeking emotional and energetic shelter from all that wears us down in this world... we rest there together now. And it may seem like it tames my spirit, rendering me delicately feminine, but really what it does is allow me to rest feeling utterly protected, and that, to me, is incredibly masculine feeling from him.
We fit. In all our dichotomies, we sync up and it feels incredible. <3
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Connectedness
There's so much more to discover than imagined.
The way he leans in close, brushes back my hair, holds my face with his thick, strong hands... hands that were busy hours earlier bending and cutting branches, working them into a more manageable shape. Now he cuts loose the cap on his love for me by intently pulling my face close to his, purposefully pouring himself deeply in through my eyes. He's showering me with his inner world, opening a direct line into his heart. And in that instant, the world around me falls away as if it had never existed, my heart fills to overflowing with his piercing desire.
When this man comes at me, he usually comes at me in calm, tender bits. Sweet nothings that dot my world with crumbs of his care and attention. How can a girl live among such displays and not notice? How could anyone take for granted the sincerity of such acts? How could anyone trudge through or sweep them up and toss them out with the weekly trash?
It must take just the right soul to be sensitive enough to see all the light shining from the gentle soul that he is. With all the footsteps he takes around this place in a given day, like trails of light streaming from one room to the next, they cast energy and glow creating an ambiance that fills me up, even when he's not in the same room.
Days or weeks may pass supported by this web of connectedness, then breaking into fiery passion that whisks me away into the ether of suspended and sustained ecstasy. Pulling me out of the shell of who I am, the me without his spirit permeating mine, isn't easy. Even I do not know how to do that for myself. But when he comes close and closer still, when he pursues the passion that lights him from within, when he shares that, expresses it with pulls and tugs on my body and soul... I melt and meld without inhibition. This. It's conjoined bliss, able to take me places and play very seriously, very intently, so ecstatic in nature that it feels electric, pulsing with voraciously sublime energy... and reinforced with literal words spoken aloud... "you are my world, my love... everything about you syncs with mine... I love your..." and all the lists he lists!!! One by one, verbal love engages my mind and heart while his hands travel my body, sending tingles through skin, pressing hungrier into my everything, reawakening a full body & soul energy fusion.
You wouldn't know this could come from him. You couldn't meet him and sense it. If he were to shower you in such a way, your world could correct course like mine has. Or not. Does it not take just the right soul path to converge in such a way? I believe so. Nothing I've ever experienced has been on this scale... a harmonic scale, that is. So in tune, so orchestrated from eons ago. It's palatable, and I will continue to engage this so long as it lasts... and having come from such a strong and varied story across lifetimes and timelines.... there's no chance I won't do everything in my power to honor this, to honor him, to foster us, and to take that and build upon it whatever is possible to share with the universe in told and untold ways.
The way he leans in close, brushes back my hair, holds my face with his thick, strong hands... hands that were busy hours earlier bending and cutting branches, working them into a more manageable shape. Now he cuts loose the cap on his love for me by intently pulling my face close to his, purposefully pouring himself deeply in through my eyes. He's showering me with his inner world, opening a direct line into his heart. And in that instant, the world around me falls away as if it had never existed, my heart fills to overflowing with his piercing desire.
When this man comes at me, he usually comes at me in calm, tender bits. Sweet nothings that dot my world with crumbs of his care and attention. How can a girl live among such displays and not notice? How could anyone take for granted the sincerity of such acts? How could anyone trudge through or sweep them up and toss them out with the weekly trash?
It must take just the right soul to be sensitive enough to see all the light shining from the gentle soul that he is. With all the footsteps he takes around this place in a given day, like trails of light streaming from one room to the next, they cast energy and glow creating an ambiance that fills me up, even when he's not in the same room.
Days or weeks may pass supported by this web of connectedness, then breaking into fiery passion that whisks me away into the ether of suspended and sustained ecstasy. Pulling me out of the shell of who I am, the me without his spirit permeating mine, isn't easy. Even I do not know how to do that for myself. But when he comes close and closer still, when he pursues the passion that lights him from within, when he shares that, expresses it with pulls and tugs on my body and soul... I melt and meld without inhibition. This. It's conjoined bliss, able to take me places and play very seriously, very intently, so ecstatic in nature that it feels electric, pulsing with voraciously sublime energy... and reinforced with literal words spoken aloud... "you are my world, my love... everything about you syncs with mine... I love your..." and all the lists he lists!!! One by one, verbal love engages my mind and heart while his hands travel my body, sending tingles through skin, pressing hungrier into my everything, reawakening a full body & soul energy fusion.
You wouldn't know this could come from him. You couldn't meet him and sense it. If he were to shower you in such a way, your world could correct course like mine has. Or not. Does it not take just the right soul path to converge in such a way? I believe so. Nothing I've ever experienced has been on this scale... a harmonic scale, that is. So in tune, so orchestrated from eons ago. It's palatable, and I will continue to engage this so long as it lasts... and having come from such a strong and varied story across lifetimes and timelines.... there's no chance I won't do everything in my power to honor this, to honor him, to foster us, and to take that and build upon it whatever is possible to share with the universe in told and untold ways.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Transitions
It's said that life proceeds in cycles. Like a spiral growing larger as it climbs ever upward, life brings us through the seasons of our lives, distilling wisdom through experience... whether we listen to it or not.
Lately, there seems mounting evidence that my life is, yet again, not only taking on new structures but requesting I leave some of the familiar ones behind.
As much as it just makes plain old common sense that I would be feeling such tensions during a life change such as is involved in joining lives with someone - sometimes it feels like a suspension bridge that's falling apart as I walk across to the other side of a rocky, lush valley. One by one the planks release and fall away, sometimes in fits and sometimes in giggles.
There seems to be enough steam built up in the process by now that there's really no going back. And what would be the point in that anyway??? I have no desire to turn back time and regain what seems to be falling away from my life. Although nostalgia for "the good old times" does tug at my heart strings, overall, I am not about to risk spiritual regression just to taste what I've already tasted before. Nope.
With one eye up ahead and the other watching my next step, there's no going back. And with the planks falling out right behind me, there would be nothing to step back to even if I tried. Those days are starting to feel like other phases of my past... "lifetimes within lifetimes" I have often called it. A new "lifetime" has commenced.
Mostly I am speaking about friendships. But more accurately, I am speaking about a certain degree of modus operandus. For years everyone has known me as single and a good friend. I'm the one they call when they need someone to listen, really listen. And I haven't minded listening all this time. I really have enjoyed those friendships through the years. But something is changing on a level that feels organically fundamental to the phase that is now dawning, and it seems to be asking me to, at the very least, reevaluate what's worth continuing to foster and what's best left to see if it survives into the future.
This is my time to shine. It's also my time to roll up my sleeves and get busy with the sometimes gritty work of polishing my own self. No one has ever challenged me to be a better person as much as the person I am now uniting my life with. And yet there is no requirement put upon me that I let anyone go from my focus. There is simply a clarity gained that helps me see past the reasons I have long held to continue relating with certain folks.
Until now, being single afforded me the luxury of overlooking poor behaviors in some, as I saw fit. But now, those same poor behaviors affect more than just me. And if they cause a strong aversion in my SO, they are worth re-evaluating their merit in my life as well. That's where my priorities lay, not out of obligation, but instead out of taking cues from someone I admire greatly and looking at each triggered situation with re-opened eyes.
So much else is changing as well. Why hold on to that which is attempting to drown me? Not me. I'm keenly aware that I have my limits and that, usually, I do not ever see the actual point at which I will stand up and say "NO MORE"... but I DO know that when I reach it, it will be plainly obvious. And when enough of those happen in a relatively short period time, it signals to me that a new phase is dawning and I should be a little bit easier on myself through the process. *I* matter, too. And cleaning house is always good every once in a while. Why not now? :)
Lately, there seems mounting evidence that my life is, yet again, not only taking on new structures but requesting I leave some of the familiar ones behind.
As much as it just makes plain old common sense that I would be feeling such tensions during a life change such as is involved in joining lives with someone - sometimes it feels like a suspension bridge that's falling apart as I walk across to the other side of a rocky, lush valley. One by one the planks release and fall away, sometimes in fits and sometimes in giggles.
There seems to be enough steam built up in the process by now that there's really no going back. And what would be the point in that anyway??? I have no desire to turn back time and regain what seems to be falling away from my life. Although nostalgia for "the good old times" does tug at my heart strings, overall, I am not about to risk spiritual regression just to taste what I've already tasted before. Nope.
With one eye up ahead and the other watching my next step, there's no going back. And with the planks falling out right behind me, there would be nothing to step back to even if I tried. Those days are starting to feel like other phases of my past... "lifetimes within lifetimes" I have often called it. A new "lifetime" has commenced.
Mostly I am speaking about friendships. But more accurately, I am speaking about a certain degree of modus operandus. For years everyone has known me as single and a good friend. I'm the one they call when they need someone to listen, really listen. And I haven't minded listening all this time. I really have enjoyed those friendships through the years. But something is changing on a level that feels organically fundamental to the phase that is now dawning, and it seems to be asking me to, at the very least, reevaluate what's worth continuing to foster and what's best left to see if it survives into the future.
This is my time to shine. It's also my time to roll up my sleeves and get busy with the sometimes gritty work of polishing my own self. No one has ever challenged me to be a better person as much as the person I am now uniting my life with. And yet there is no requirement put upon me that I let anyone go from my focus. There is simply a clarity gained that helps me see past the reasons I have long held to continue relating with certain folks.
Until now, being single afforded me the luxury of overlooking poor behaviors in some, as I saw fit. But now, those same poor behaviors affect more than just me. And if they cause a strong aversion in my SO, they are worth re-evaluating their merit in my life as well. That's where my priorities lay, not out of obligation, but instead out of taking cues from someone I admire greatly and looking at each triggered situation with re-opened eyes.
So much else is changing as well. Why hold on to that which is attempting to drown me? Not me. I'm keenly aware that I have my limits and that, usually, I do not ever see the actual point at which I will stand up and say "NO MORE"... but I DO know that when I reach it, it will be plainly obvious. And when enough of those happen in a relatively short period time, it signals to me that a new phase is dawning and I should be a little bit easier on myself through the process. *I* matter, too. And cleaning house is always good every once in a while. Why not now? :)
Monday, October 24, 2016
The Little Dog
An update...
We found out the results of the testing. Little Bones does have Cushing's Disease for sure. This is not a huge surprise, as something was clearly wrong.
It's an endocrine disrupting condition. It's the reason why he's peeing, a LOT. He can't help himself. He's incredibly thirsty and basically over-drinking water, obsessively. He's also pretty itchy, as it has effects on his skin. I tried for years to get him help for his itchy skin, but they never found the cause... until now.
This, on top of a diagnosis of a crushed trachea, which will degenerate over time as well. He's currently 7 in human years, and relatively active again.
But... and here's the tough part. The cost. Cushing's Disease treatment is relatively expensive. The initial vet appointment was $163 (not including the vet appt 3 weeks prior to diagnose the crushed trachea). The test all by itself was $247. Three weeks of meds for Cushings is $50, but then they need to test him again to see if it's the right dose. Then a possible dosage increase for 2 more weeks, then another test, then a final dosage assigned. Meds can be up to about $98 per month.
I did the math. It's not in the budget. If it was my kid, of course it would be in the budget. It sucks that I have to put a price on little Bone's life like this. We will be considering having him euthanized. How horrible is that?!? In all reality, he WILL be euthanized eventually... due to his crushed trachea. I don't want him to suffer, and eventually he WILL suffer. Right now, we are suffering with cleaning up large pee messes 2 and 3 times daily. I have all wood floors, but... it's a constant mess and a hazard. The floor is SUPER slippery when wet. My daughter has fallen badly a couple of times... on her knee... which we had operated on a year ago. I can't increase her risk either.
I know what my logical mind would do. But my heart needs more time to process it all........
We found out the results of the testing. Little Bones does have Cushing's Disease for sure. This is not a huge surprise, as something was clearly wrong.
It's an endocrine disrupting condition. It's the reason why he's peeing, a LOT. He can't help himself. He's incredibly thirsty and basically over-drinking water, obsessively. He's also pretty itchy, as it has effects on his skin. I tried for years to get him help for his itchy skin, but they never found the cause... until now.
This, on top of a diagnosis of a crushed trachea, which will degenerate over time as well. He's currently 7 in human years, and relatively active again.
But... and here's the tough part. The cost. Cushing's Disease treatment is relatively expensive. The initial vet appointment was $163 (not including the vet appt 3 weeks prior to diagnose the crushed trachea). The test all by itself was $247. Three weeks of meds for Cushings is $50, but then they need to test him again to see if it's the right dose. Then a possible dosage increase for 2 more weeks, then another test, then a final dosage assigned. Meds can be up to about $98 per month.
I did the math. It's not in the budget. If it was my kid, of course it would be in the budget. It sucks that I have to put a price on little Bone's life like this. We will be considering having him euthanized. How horrible is that?!? In all reality, he WILL be euthanized eventually... due to his crushed trachea. I don't want him to suffer, and eventually he WILL suffer. Right now, we are suffering with cleaning up large pee messes 2 and 3 times daily. I have all wood floors, but... it's a constant mess and a hazard. The floor is SUPER slippery when wet. My daughter has fallen badly a couple of times... on her knee... which we had operated on a year ago. I can't increase her risk either.
I know what my logical mind would do. But my heart needs more time to process it all........
Friday, October 21, 2016
Four Weeks In (Already!)
Tomorrow marks four weeks since spaceman arrived in a U-Haul truck with all his belongings, unloaded, and merged his life with ours. It’s as good a time to reflect as any.
We made this decision back in February, a full seven months prior, so that three things could be accomplished. First, I needed to lovingly have my brother move out, which meant giving him plenty of lead time and control over his process. That, I did. That, he did. Second, I wanted to also give my kids and I a couple of months to readjust on our own, without my brother and without yet introducing spaceman into the household. This turned out to be a wise, wise decision. Sweet and slow was key. Third and certainly not least, was that spaceman also needed time to ease his parents into his not only moving out, but leaving the state… this meant he would not be around anymore to perform the physical work their home and property needs, as well as caring for them in a variety of ways. To me it made sense that if he planted a garden there in the spring, then he should be there to see it through to its tear down. So late September ended up being our move-in date.
During those seven months of lead-time, he often asked me to imagine what I thought it would be like in these first few weeks of adjusting to our new living arrangements. It was a big leap! Having had a long-distance relationship up until the move-in, we had bitten off a larger chunk to chew than, say, a couple that has been dating locally for a while and therefore have had numerous opportunities to experience nuances and all that jazz. So while we made it a priority to travel and visit one another as often as we could during those seven months (4 visits!), we still had very little “in-person” time together before we made that particular leap.
We knew there would be a somewhat awkward period of time in these first few weeks. New habits, new routines, new privacy rules for our bedroom regarding the kids… a new person in the house who is completely up-rooted and trying to make positive, lasting connections with everyone else in my formerly single-mother household. It’s a LOT to bite off and holding space for these to blossom is the key. And even under the best of situations, these things take time to develop.
Thankfully, the settling is going very, VERY nicely.
I love sleeping with him. I mean, I love actually sleeping all tangled up together. It’s clingy. It’s accepted, encouraged, wanted. Nobody does clingy as well as Cancers… and apparently, this Aquarius. Makes no sense AT ALL! I love it. In the past, I've always had a terrible time sleeping next to anyone new or in any new situation. But with him... I love to feel his naked skin up against mine as I drift off to sleep. I love the way he holds his hand atop mine as my arm curls around his chest... our legs intertwined, his feet flexed to meet mine. When I'm away from him through the day, this is what I miss. My body has grown attached to the presence of his.
And let me tell you, no one I know is having better sex than we are right now. lol Quality, I tell ya! QUALITY!!
Aaah heh… last weekend we attended a house-warming/birthday party at my sister’s new house and had our first occurrence of someone assuming we were married. It was kind of sweet, that awkwardness. Now that’s something else we had occasionally pondered during those long seven months…. And the way things are going so far… perhaps someday that will be in the cards… ;) All I can tell you is that, every single day, I love this man more and more than I thought possible. He shows me such TLC that it puts not just every other man to shame, but every other person!
Last week my car broke down on the highway downtown during rush hour traffic and had to be towed. The shop bill was $630; he insisted on paying all of it. This week the brakes froze up. He paid for those parts and he and my brother (with my dad flitting about) fixed them. Yesterday he found my littlest dog unable/unwilling to get up out of his cage in the morning, something obviously being wrong with him. He cleaned up the pee and vomit messes he found from the dog and sat with him, petting and consoling him until I could get ready for both work and taking the little guy to the vet. Before we left, and thinking the vet might give me the worst news – that he was sick enough to put down – I cried… and he held me while I cried. I have trouble recalling ever having cried while being held and consoled by a man before (other than a family member). Let me tell you… there’s something extremely bonding in that experience. I missed him like crazy all day at work yesterday, like crazy!
This man takes such great care of me in every way I might need or want. He says it is his just the tip of the iceberg, these displays of affection, these ways in which he shows his love for me. He says he cannot possibly convey it with words alone, and I will see in time, all the love he has reserved for me, including caring for my family like his own. His love and selfless caring is my biggest and best role model for how to love others in the ways they need to be loved and supported. In this way (and many others), he supports me spiritually. I am truly blessed by his presence in our lives, truly.
~~~
P.S. The little dog is doing much better. He’s being tested for Cushing’s Disease today, something treatable, though not curable.
Monday, October 03, 2016
My Love in Eat, Pray, Love
It
happened again. Saturday afternoon my
best friend texted me saying her guy was going out of town…. And we both knew
what that meant. It’s been a long while
since we had some much needed girl-talk, I told her to come on over for a
bonfire. I even told her I’d have some
Captain Morgan’s waiting for her. She
readily agreed and said she would be over after 8 PM. Done deal! Ready to go!
But it
turns out I have seriously NO shame when it comes to sex with spaceman. After admittedly a few too many drinks
sitting bar-side watching the Ryder Cup with him, we found ourselves back home
again and, of course, behind locked bedroom doors.
Turns out
there’s a reason why couples who tie the knot take a honeymoon. We are discovering first-hand how intense
that first week together can be.
Although we didn’t tie any official knots, we are both committed to one
another indefinitely. To grow old
together is exactly what we want.
So… things
were kickin’ in the bedroom and spaceman whispers to me, “I think someone’s in
the livingroom.” To which through my
tantalized disposition I replied, “They’ll go away.” SMH..
Now, I do
recall saying that. But at the time, I
thought it was one of my kids – to be ignored lol. Forty minutes later I discovered the text,
“Where are you? Kozar and Bonz want to
party with me ….but I told them we had to wait for their humans.” Yup, it was my best friend, who has been used
to just walking in and I guess expected me to be more, um, available to noticing
her there. Lol But yeah… it didn’t
happen. I was 3 sheets to the wind and
thoroughly enjoying my evening “fun”.
When I texted her back, she laughed it off and told me she was no longer
lurking in my living room, having abandoned our plans to relax on her own. Egads.
What could I do? This is the
second time something like this has happened to spaceman and I. The first time was with my sister, who also
walked in our home…. Albeit that time her visit was unplanned.
Maybe I
should put a sign up on the door to “Friends and Family: Please use the
doorbell. Thank you.”
And it’s
only going to get worse (*ahem, better*) because last night, Sunday night, he
unlocked something fierce between us.
Did you
know you can orgasm from chakra manipulation?
In theory, I’m sure I believed it possible. But believing it possible and believing it
possible for me are two entirely different things.
…
We’ve been
exploring chakras a little here and there.
But somehow the practice must have progressively loosened things up in
me. As I sat cross-legged on the bed
facing him, he hovered his hand about 6-9 inches away from the core of my
body. Usually his hands have been much
closer, even resting upon my stomach.
But this time his hand happened to traverse across this invisible sphere
where it instantly pulled me into focus.
An incredible amount of energy flared to life in an instant, like a
pulling of everything outward, inward, but in a flow that felt very much alive. How can I have sensation OUTSIDE my body like
that? As if it were a part of me! He wasn’t touching me; his hand was parallel
to my body, but not touching! The whole
sensation pulled from within my body but expanded beyond, and my brain – though
it understands chakras can expand in size – just cannot seem to process this
information. There’s a visceral feeling
that just cannot be put into words.
Both of us
being empaths, we can feel one another, bounce it back and forth between us,
building while playing. Last night as I
sat there and his hands intensified the energy pouring through me… he began
moving from one chakra to the next. Like
a water droplet has this cohesive factor that makes it want to be round when
formed and growing thinner when being pulled apart, his hand moving from one
chakra to the next thinned one blissful emotion just to begin picking up the
next, then leaving the former behind.
One at a time, slowly at first, then faster, he played my chakras like
an accordion. It felt like magnetic
emotional energy shifts, the quality of each chakra could be distinctly and
evenly experienced… all in a blissful
state of their own.
This went
on for what could have been hours or minutes, I couldn’t keep track and I
didn’t care either.
Several
times, I recall really feeling such a deep amazement and profundity… HOW can
this be POSSIBLE? WHAT are you DOING to
me???
And then I
felt the irony, some deep irony that made me giggle. And laugh I did, right through every chakra
as he continued to peruse them all, again and again.
After
laughing so much, we relaxed a bit and I took stock of how I was feeling… quite
blissed out, and I told him so. Every
chakra has its own flavor of blissfulness.
To read about it is one thing… but to feel it…. WOW!
This was a
meditative state for certain. Maybe it’s
Tantra. I don’t know. We’re just
stumbling into this, but it’s so powerful.
And he can feel what I feel, albeit to some degree muted,
second-hand. But it’s there.
It wasn’t
long before we were back at it, only this time it culminated into his timely
twisting of my second chakra which sent me curled into convulsions…. WITHOUT touching my physical body, I
definitively felt him make the twisting motion OUTSIDE of myself, which
immediately sent me into an involuntary state of existence. I don’t really have the words for this. It was orgasmic.
I feel
changed. Being with him is a revolution.
Being with
him has always felt amazing. From the
beginning, we’ve had incredibly dreamy, subliminal sex. And I am not one who any of my ex-boyfriends
would ever have termed “super sexual” AT ALL.
Willing, perhaps yes. But capable
of fantastic sex, nope. Average was all
I ever had before. But with spaceman….
We have had what was clearly simultaneous sexual intercourse experiences while
wide awake and 5-6 physical hours apart by car.
What we have is not anywhere near what I could term as “normal”. And I’m grateful. I could never willingly reproduce this. It just IS.
And it’s beyond wonderful.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Kablam!
Be careful what you ask for, right?
Well, I wanted time off work to spend with spaceman... wrote about that in the morning, and then an hour or two after lunch I became nauseatingly ill. After using the restroom to no relief, I sat back down at my desk with my head in my hands, rubbing my face and forehead. After resting that way a while longer, I looked back at my computer to continue investigating some code versioning differences. But I could not think straight. My gut was sending my mind and emotions in loops. Green, I walked in my bosses office, told him I was going to be sick and asked if I could go home. He said yes, and home through the not-yet-rush hour traffic, thirty minutes north. Driving the highway while nauseous is not recommended, but I managed to make it home without pulling over.
I wanted to be home spending time with spaceman, but yeah, not quite in this way!
I pulled around the corner to my street and could see him running the weed-whacker around the driveway. Bump-bump, bump-bump the tires hit the curb as I pulled in and shut the car off. Laden with my laptop backpack, purse and keys, I turned to him and said "I'm not feeling well." And as if he might not have heard me, "I'm sick". Continuing on into the house, I pulled off my work clothes, threw on a big shirt and climbed into bed.
With a pillow over my eyes partially blocking my view, I saw him walk into the room and stand beside my bed to better greet me. I don't think he heard what I had said out front and came in to inquire.
After asking me what he could do (there really was nothing), he crawled in bed with me and reached for my hand and held it for a while. I rested as best I could. And he fell asleep. (of course lol) I would find out later that he had a massive headache about the time I had driven up. Our individual well-beings seem to be synced somehow.
It's been noticed by both of us at one time or another. Either he or I will be telling the other how we've been feeling and the one listening will feel as if the one talking could be describing one's own feelings. Still, we could never just reach out and take the other's hand when we lived 3 states away. Conversations through technology just cannot take the place of good old-fashioned touch. But now... we are four days into the beginning of our new life living together.
After some rest my nausea finally dissipated, the gastrointestinal stress finally moved into the less bothersome intestines. We laid there as he told me some of the things he had done in the yard since I left for work this morning. Not only did he mow, he trimmed the yard, pulled weeds, picked up and swept the deck, and that doesn't even count what he did to the front yard where I had found him edging the driveway. I had tunnel vision when I was heading into the house, and I haven't yet been out there to look. The landscaping has been a mess and I suspect he made a dent in that as well.
Now, when I tell people he's been spending all his time taking care of his aging parents, this is the sort of thing he's been doing, and way more.
And yesterday when I came home from work, dinner was done, table set. Everything was something I can eat, with regard to my grain intolerances.
[pause, bedroom door is opening...]
And that was just him. He had been off to the store and back for an ingredient and was "piddling around the house" as he called it. He cracked open our bedroom door to see if I was awake... and what wafts in??? Garlic spaghetti aromas... mmmm. And mine will be made with spaghetti squash since I can't eat pasta (gluten-free or not).
I swear! If this is a dream please DO NOT wake me! I have never been this spoiled and I just want to enjoy this for a while. :) :) :)
Which brings me back to what prompted me to open the laptop and write... enjoyment.... I was laying here in bed, having drifted to near sleep with a book partially open in my hand. The windows are wide open and the birds are chirping too numerous to count. Off in the distance the consistent muffled roar of the highway is only heard if I remember to listen for it. But what woke me was the gentlest breeze, one that would gracefully billow the sheer curtains, if I had them. It rushed past my face and sent me reminiscing about days like this. You know, the ones that never seem to come often enough, so rare, that it takes the next one happening before the last one comes to mind again. It's been 18 years, my previous somewhat comparable moment. But nothing is quite like this one, and I cannot imagine a better one, sick or not sick.
Well, I wanted time off work to spend with spaceman... wrote about that in the morning, and then an hour or two after lunch I became nauseatingly ill. After using the restroom to no relief, I sat back down at my desk with my head in my hands, rubbing my face and forehead. After resting that way a while longer, I looked back at my computer to continue investigating some code versioning differences. But I could not think straight. My gut was sending my mind and emotions in loops. Green, I walked in my bosses office, told him I was going to be sick and asked if I could go home. He said yes, and home through the not-yet-rush hour traffic, thirty minutes north. Driving the highway while nauseous is not recommended, but I managed to make it home without pulling over.
I wanted to be home spending time with spaceman, but yeah, not quite in this way!
I pulled around the corner to my street and could see him running the weed-whacker around the driveway. Bump-bump, bump-bump the tires hit the curb as I pulled in and shut the car off. Laden with my laptop backpack, purse and keys, I turned to him and said "I'm not feeling well." And as if he might not have heard me, "I'm sick". Continuing on into the house, I pulled off my work clothes, threw on a big shirt and climbed into bed.
With a pillow over my eyes partially blocking my view, I saw him walk into the room and stand beside my bed to better greet me. I don't think he heard what I had said out front and came in to inquire.
After asking me what he could do (there really was nothing), he crawled in bed with me and reached for my hand and held it for a while. I rested as best I could. And he fell asleep. (of course lol) I would find out later that he had a massive headache about the time I had driven up. Our individual well-beings seem to be synced somehow.
It's been noticed by both of us at one time or another. Either he or I will be telling the other how we've been feeling and the one listening will feel as if the one talking could be describing one's own feelings. Still, we could never just reach out and take the other's hand when we lived 3 states away. Conversations through technology just cannot take the place of good old-fashioned touch. But now... we are four days into the beginning of our new life living together.
After some rest my nausea finally dissipated, the gastrointestinal stress finally moved into the less bothersome intestines. We laid there as he told me some of the things he had done in the yard since I left for work this morning. Not only did he mow, he trimmed the yard, pulled weeds, picked up and swept the deck, and that doesn't even count what he did to the front yard where I had found him edging the driveway. I had tunnel vision when I was heading into the house, and I haven't yet been out there to look. The landscaping has been a mess and I suspect he made a dent in that as well.
Now, when I tell people he's been spending all his time taking care of his aging parents, this is the sort of thing he's been doing, and way more.
And yesterday when I came home from work, dinner was done, table set. Everything was something I can eat, with regard to my grain intolerances.
[pause, bedroom door is opening...]
And that was just him. He had been off to the store and back for an ingredient and was "piddling around the house" as he called it. He cracked open our bedroom door to see if I was awake... and what wafts in??? Garlic spaghetti aromas... mmmm. And mine will be made with spaghetti squash since I can't eat pasta (gluten-free or not).
I swear! If this is a dream please DO NOT wake me! I have never been this spoiled and I just want to enjoy this for a while. :) :) :)
Which brings me back to what prompted me to open the laptop and write... enjoyment.... I was laying here in bed, having drifted to near sleep with a book partially open in my hand. The windows are wide open and the birds are chirping too numerous to count. Off in the distance the consistent muffled roar of the highway is only heard if I remember to listen for it. But what woke me was the gentlest breeze, one that would gracefully billow the sheer curtains, if I had them. It rushed past my face and sent me reminiscing about days like this. You know, the ones that never seem to come often enough, so rare, that it takes the next one happening before the last one comes to mind again. It's been 18 years, my previous somewhat comparable moment. But nothing is quite like this one, and I cannot imagine a better one, sick or not sick.
Accolades
Ever just CANNOT concentrate? for weeks, maybe months???
That's me lately.. and it's baaaad.
I now have a very attentive man at home who is crazy in love with me and I'm STUCK HERE AT WORK. *cries*
This is yet another one of those times when I really wish I had more than a measly 2 weeks of vacation time from work each year. Every time I ache for some additional downtime from work, I get angrier at society. I know I have a choice in how I react, but after 18 years in my career field THAT SUCKS. I think I have 2.5 days left for this year, and I'm always "saving it for a rainy day" in case I need to take time off, that is difficult to "make up" by week's end. BUT... at least I have that flexibility, to shift my schedule around somewhat. I do have privileges that others would completely appreciate. I should STFU, eh? It's not all bad. But seriously...
SPACEMAN IS HERE!!!!
He arrived with all his stuff on Saturday afternoon, just as planned. Last February we decided to move in together and this weekend it happened! We planned appox. 6 mos for this transition and it took slightly more, but couldn't have been better planned and executed. The kids (20 & 17) are beyond accepting... one might even say helpful and encouraging. Certainly two young adults/teens could be quite the obstacle if they had chosen to be, but they aren't. They see how happy he makes their momma and truly do want me to be happy. They are both cooperative, communicative and welcoming (each to their own degree lol). And so far, the picky girl child has eaten what he has been cooking (phew!). And let me tell you... While I have microwaved and sometimes attempted recipes, this man can cook! From SCRATCH! But I knew that already. ;)
Most of all, we went to bed early-for-us last night. It was SWEET! lol For a year I have been up until midnight or 1 am talking on the phone or messaging with him and yesterday I came home from work, dinner was on the table, THE TABLE WAS SET (such simple things amaze me lol), and the food was more than one dish. After that we piddled, went to the grocery to cover the next few days, then came home and piddled some more before turning in... get this... EARLY. We're like an old married couple now lol. It was great! So normal and that is incredible by my standards. I've never been able to experience that before. I'm 42 and have been a single (aka: struggling) mom for nearly half my life, 17 years anyway.
And while these (not so) little things are dearly cherished, I get the whole package with spaceman... hit the mega millions lottery, if I may use that comparison. I feel rich. I feel incredibly blessed. I know just how lucky I am to be in love with someone who is so openly in love with me as well. I don't know how life orchestrated all this, but we both have the feeling it's been lifetimes upon lifetimes in the making. This is our awards ceremony.
It's just the beginning. We have so many things we want to do together, complete with lists we've started lol. I don't want to miss out on anything. Dark sky park? Why yes! A countryside train trip... a beach walk at night with the ocean AND stars pulling simultaneously... maybe even a trip to Tibet and India. <3 But first... first we just merge our lives, day by day, find our groove. And I couldn't be happier than that!
That's me lately.. and it's baaaad.
I now have a very attentive man at home who is crazy in love with me and I'm STUCK HERE AT WORK. *cries*
This is yet another one of those times when I really wish I had more than a measly 2 weeks of vacation time from work each year. Every time I ache for some additional downtime from work, I get angrier at society. I know I have a choice in how I react, but after 18 years in my career field THAT SUCKS. I think I have 2.5 days left for this year, and I'm always "saving it for a rainy day" in case I need to take time off, that is difficult to "make up" by week's end. BUT... at least I have that flexibility, to shift my schedule around somewhat. I do have privileges that others would completely appreciate. I should STFU, eh? It's not all bad. But seriously...
SPACEMAN IS HERE!!!!
He arrived with all his stuff on Saturday afternoon, just as planned. Last February we decided to move in together and this weekend it happened! We planned appox. 6 mos for this transition and it took slightly more, but couldn't have been better planned and executed. The kids (20 & 17) are beyond accepting... one might even say helpful and encouraging. Certainly two young adults/teens could be quite the obstacle if they had chosen to be, but they aren't. They see how happy he makes their momma and truly do want me to be happy. They are both cooperative, communicative and welcoming (each to their own degree lol). And so far, the picky girl child has eaten what he has been cooking (phew!). And let me tell you... While I have microwaved and sometimes attempted recipes, this man can cook! From SCRATCH! But I knew that already. ;)
Most of all, we went to bed early-for-us last night. It was SWEET! lol For a year I have been up until midnight or 1 am talking on the phone or messaging with him and yesterday I came home from work, dinner was on the table, THE TABLE WAS SET (such simple things amaze me lol), and the food was more than one dish. After that we piddled, went to the grocery to cover the next few days, then came home and piddled some more before turning in... get this... EARLY. We're like an old married couple now lol. It was great! So normal and that is incredible by my standards. I've never been able to experience that before. I'm 42 and have been a single (aka: struggling) mom for nearly half my life, 17 years anyway.
And while these (not so) little things are dearly cherished, I get the whole package with spaceman... hit the mega millions lottery, if I may use that comparison. I feel rich. I feel incredibly blessed. I know just how lucky I am to be in love with someone who is so openly in love with me as well. I don't know how life orchestrated all this, but we both have the feeling it's been lifetimes upon lifetimes in the making. This is our awards ceremony.
It's just the beginning. We have so many things we want to do together, complete with lists we've started lol. I don't want to miss out on anything. Dark sky park? Why yes! A countryside train trip... a beach walk at night with the ocean AND stars pulling simultaneously... maybe even a trip to Tibet and India. <3 But first... first we just merge our lives, day by day, find our groove. And I couldn't be happier than that!
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