I like a big salad, with lots of tiny bits. The more variety I can get on each fork-sized mouthful, the better. The more I eat salad, the better I feel. But I need variety!
Today's salad is the 2nd half of the mixed baby lettuce tub from yesterday's salad, with pineapple, mushroom, gala apple, almond slivers and a variety of poppy seed dressing.
It's not all organic, because I am using up food spaceman's mother sent home with us. But usually, I vote with my fork and either:
A) grow my own organics, or
B) buy organics
Growing my own is better. Have you ever compared the taste of an organic store bought tomato to the one you grew in your own backyard? Trust me, there is no comparison!
Right now we have no produce producing. And with the extended winter this year, my little early spring garden, even while protected with a hoop house, has failed all but the garlic. I'll have to plant again.
I'm not sure if it was just the extended cold or also the learning curve of growing under a hoop house. There's always something to learn! I'm in year 7 of gardening and I'm still failing at things!
That's just the nature of... well, nature.
But a salad every day for lunch... that's my current M.O. Breakfast is usually either an chocolate almond fruit smoothie (cherries, blueberries, or strawberries) or eggs and avocado sprinkled with Braggs Herb Sprinkle. Dinner is something spaceman cooks up, usually from scratch - and lately - vegetarian.
I don't eat horribly. But what I am learning is that no matter how "great" one tries to eat these days, it will not likely be enough to obtain the minerals your body needs because the soil is tainted. The soil is deprived of nutrition itself.
I grow organically, but what if my neighbors spray their lawns? What can I do about it? Zilch.
I grow organically, in raised beds (we raised the large garden, too, for the most part last fall). I even collect rain water to water with, but what can I do about the chemtrails poisoning the rainwater? Zilch.
Look at it for the mass majority of people: Fluoride binds to magnesium, making it bio-unavailable. Weed killers contain fluoride. Your city water more than likely contains fluoride. (Your toothpaste probably does, too, for that matter.) In the case of conventional single crop mass agriculture being sprayed with herbicides and pesticides, year after year, not only does the plant contain the chemicals themselves, the soil has very little magnesium not bound up with fluoride. So, food grown today has far less nutrition than food your parents or grandparents ate growing up.
It's no longer feasible to tell someone to "just eat healthier" and for them to actually obtain the nutrition their body is desperately needing.
Of course, eating well does help. It's just not enough.
As a society, we are in that place where the cycle is so complete with being poisoned on so many fronts that it's truly really difficult to be healthy.
When we're young our bodies are much more resilient, but our children are also being assaulted on levels we never experienced at their ages.
It's enough to make a person want to pack up and move OFF GRID somewhere remote. But they're making that illegal in more and more places, too!
In any case, how many of us are not enslaved to our debt, making that a pipe dream anyway? And as long as we are too busy working to pay our bills, we can't even find time or risk being arrested if we want to join a protest.
We are being assaulted on so many fronts. Why? Are politicians who make city ordinances to fluoridate water, to outlaw camping on your own land, to fine you for growing food on your front lawn... are these the people we should blame? Maybe. Maybe not. It's never as simple as some like to boil it down to.
The question remains... why all this oppression in the world?
I have suspicions, but what do you think?
Tuesday, April 03, 2018
Sunday, April 01, 2018
Rampage of Joy
My morning routine is to drink my minerals in 16 oz's of water with a pinch of sea salt, and it's the same as my evening routine. In between that, I have 2-3 more bottles of water with that sea salt pinch.
Minerals sure, but why sea salt, too? More trace minerals. It's really as simple as that. Sea salt, unlike chemically manufactured table salt, has 50-70+ trace minerals and that's what I'm after, certainly not the sodium. Like I said, I recently discovered my body was saturated with sodium to the point of chronic heart palpitations and other disconcerting symptoms.
It turns out, my body was craving recovery and as soon as I stopped the offending relief treatments for my constipation, my sodium levels went down fast. Within a week, palpitations were fewer and further between. And in 2 weeks, I wasn't having them at all. This meant I could safely include the sea salt in my my new minerals routine.
I'm taking the most highly absorbent form of magnesium on the market, a pico-ionic sized form that readily absorbs before it can cause any loose bowels. I did that for over a week, mixing it in my water twice daily. This week, I added a second 9-mineral formula, also pico-ionic in size, and thus highly absorbent, that mainly supports healthy thyroid function.
I am still taking some cheap, meaning non-highly absorbent form, of magnesium to ensure my bowels do move. The better quality magnesium won't cause that because it's too bio-available to the body, and... I do need my bowels to move.
But even that has become easier. This regimen is doing my body wonders. I am taking less and less of the crappier form of magnesium as my intestines have begun working things through better. It's truly amazing. It's still ups and downs by the day sometimes, but I have a good set of practices and medicine (minerals) to restoke the fires of hundreds of bodily functions that have gone dormant through the years from lack of necessary ingredients: minerals.
It's boring stuff to write about. But it's just amazing to me that I can even write about having such successes. My intestines are contracting of their own free will! lol To me, this is the bees knees! I've been suffering since 2005! That's 13 years! I can't remember what it feels like to be healthy. Even before that I wasn't healthy (makes sense right?). Before that it was a pendulum that swang in the equal but opposite direction - and a family-wide issue. Only at some point my body had enough and something SWITCHED into the opposite of issues. Within the course of 3 weeks, I slowly (pun intended) realized I had a serious problem.
No doctor has ever been able to tell me what's wrong with me or even provide any solutions. "It's stress" my gastroenterologist used to tell me. I would just look at her like, you've got to be kidding me. *eye roll* For a while she gave me some prescription to help keep my pipes flowing... later it was pulled off the market for some reason.
One way or another I have been suffering through the last 13 years just to eliminate the food I must eat to continue living. And now... now I have real progress along that journey. Everything I'm doing is working in unison and I feel sooo much better.
Okay, rampage of joy going offline... Have a wonderful Easter. <3
Minerals sure, but why sea salt, too? More trace minerals. It's really as simple as that. Sea salt, unlike chemically manufactured table salt, has 50-70+ trace minerals and that's what I'm after, certainly not the sodium. Like I said, I recently discovered my body was saturated with sodium to the point of chronic heart palpitations and other disconcerting symptoms.
It turns out, my body was craving recovery and as soon as I stopped the offending relief treatments for my constipation, my sodium levels went down fast. Within a week, palpitations were fewer and further between. And in 2 weeks, I wasn't having them at all. This meant I could safely include the sea salt in my my new minerals routine.
I'm taking the most highly absorbent form of magnesium on the market, a pico-ionic sized form that readily absorbs before it can cause any loose bowels. I did that for over a week, mixing it in my water twice daily. This week, I added a second 9-mineral formula, also pico-ionic in size, and thus highly absorbent, that mainly supports healthy thyroid function.
I am still taking some cheap, meaning non-highly absorbent form, of magnesium to ensure my bowels do move. The better quality magnesium won't cause that because it's too bio-available to the body, and... I do need my bowels to move.
But even that has become easier. This regimen is doing my body wonders. I am taking less and less of the crappier form of magnesium as my intestines have begun working things through better. It's truly amazing. It's still ups and downs by the day sometimes, but I have a good set of practices and medicine (minerals) to restoke the fires of hundreds of bodily functions that have gone dormant through the years from lack of necessary ingredients: minerals.
It's boring stuff to write about. But it's just amazing to me that I can even write about having such successes. My intestines are contracting of their own free will! lol To me, this is the bees knees! I've been suffering since 2005! That's 13 years! I can't remember what it feels like to be healthy. Even before that I wasn't healthy (makes sense right?). Before that it was a pendulum that swang in the equal but opposite direction - and a family-wide issue. Only at some point my body had enough and something SWITCHED into the opposite of issues. Within the course of 3 weeks, I slowly (pun intended) realized I had a serious problem.
No doctor has ever been able to tell me what's wrong with me or even provide any solutions. "It's stress" my gastroenterologist used to tell me. I would just look at her like, you've got to be kidding me. *eye roll* For a while she gave me some prescription to help keep my pipes flowing... later it was pulled off the market for some reason.
One way or another I have been suffering through the last 13 years just to eliminate the food I must eat to continue living. And now... now I have real progress along that journey. Everything I'm doing is working in unison and I feel sooo much better.
Okay, rampage of joy going offline... Have a wonderful Easter. <3
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
The Backstory
Things are so amazing right now.
Ever since spaceman turned things around, every single day has been bonus after bonus of progress and healing. And just as I suspected, once we got him on the right track, the two of us would blossom in untold ways.
At this point, too many (good) things are piling up that I would like to share, but without telling the backstory of this one big thing, the significance of it and everything else now unfolding cannot be realized... not by anyone who doesn't yet know the backstory anyway.
So here goes:
Spaceman has AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder). Denial is a bitch, let me tell you. And so is Vodka! I have received quite the education in dealing with alcoholism, and yet, every single person and their circumstances are unique. I don't pretend to understand anyone else's situation, but I can tell our story a bit.
AUD is debilitating. It does not matter if you have a heart of gold or coal. And spaceman's heart is a rainbow of goodness. For that reason, I found that although this quite serious red flag became obvious after about 2 months of living together (because I'm dense and took that long to realize), I found that at every choice-point, I simply COULD NOT send this beautiful soul packing. My heart was broken, we were crumbling, and yet I could not leave him to his vice to die an inevitably early death.
Is every detail necessary? I'm sure you have some idea of it already... the stress, the conversations repeated because he was too drunk to remember from the night before, the hidden bottles, the promises broken, the refusals to admit, the arguments while drunk... you name it. We did not escape it, except violence. Spaceman is a kind soul, and a happy drunk (or rather, was) and has never raised a hand to me. He didn't have to. Threatening to walk out a few times was traumatizing enough to me. Like many with AUD, drinking was an escape from his worries, a means to forget, to stop the pain from consuming him.
He lost his two children to his ex-wife's personal vendetta against him. And, he lost his best friend, his brother, to a sudden heart attack in the room next to his one night. That is enough to tell you of his pain for now. I am not elaborating, because it is highly personal, and his story, more than ours. I will focus on ours. But please know, finding someone you love dearly dead one morning is extremely traumatizing. And losing contact with children you have only ever wanted to love and nourish is soul-shattering, especially when they reach of-age and do not come seeking you out and have not been found either.
So back to our story:
What I find so endearing about his personal struggle through this has been his sheer determination despite all the setbacks he endured. Having a genetic predisposition from both sides of his family made it even tougher. This has been a long drawn out process, pulling him out of that tailspin, and there are a few factors that were god-sends, one of which I wish I could tell the world about: TSM (The Sinclair Method), a pharmacological extinction method developed by Dr. Sinclair using Naltrexone.
Naltrexone or "Nal" for short is a pill that blocks opioid receptors in the brain, the same receptors that get stimulated when drinking. Only, and here comes that part that seems unbelievable until you understand it better, one MUST DRINK while using Naltrexone in order for it to work its seeming magic over time.
We eventually modified it for us to be:
If one is not transparent with their significant other, troubles brew. But of course this method can be used even without any help from a significant other, so technically Nal + Drinking = Cure is still the actual cure.
The transparency part came into play for us because that bitch, vodka, kept sinking her hooks into him time and time again. He needed to begin the process of being open about the things he's been hiding for so long, and that was not an easy thing to do at first.. not for a long time in fact. Sneakiness in drinking is simply part of the core of AUD. It's not personal, though it sure feels personal and I had to learn to deal constructively with deceit from my significant other. It helped to realize that this man was never deceitful in any other subject or manner, other than with his drinking.
It sounds severe, doesn't it? It sounds like a deal breaker, I know. Believe me, it almost broke us, time and time again.
But on Feb. 8th, 2018, the birthday of his deceased brother, spaceman made a decision, a strong-backed decision to drop vodka from his life entirely. It was then that the TSM method kicked into its highest gear yet and we quickly climbed out of the vicious cycle that is AUD addiction. Don't get me wrong, it's not that the Nal wasn't working before that point. Spaceman swears that he could never have gotten to the point where he felt strong enough to kick the hard liquor to the curb without it. It's just that I suspect he needed a stronger dose to achieve that while still drinking vodka. It's just one of those steps in the TSM process... while you are doing your Nal + Drinking method of weaning off alcohol, you eventually experience milestones such as that. He still drinks beer or wine on Naltrexone sometimes. But he ALWAYS has his Nal pill at least an hour before drinking. This shrinks the neural pathways that were once used reinforce addiction, and over time his cravings have shrunk, bit by awesome bit.
Having said all that... I cannot express to you how significantly different "this time" truly feels. Few people have even known of his AUD outside of my little family's walls. One person, my older sister figured it out and I swore her to silence, insisting it's our story to tell, when and IF we choose to tell it. She has complied and been super supportive of our process. His family also knows. It came down to it at one point. One of my readers here, also knew, as I reached out for desperate help during one of the stronger stress points in our journey. A couple of my best friends knew, though that wasn't particularly helpful. One may also be in her own AUD struggle and the other has a boyfriend who is also AUD stricken. And I... my presence faded from everyone's lives while all this raged around me. I recoiled inward just to manage my own situation.
So that is it. That is the big ordeal of which I have been writing circles around for so long. And now that we have regrown our trust, regrown his faith in himself, he has begun the process of dealing with emotional triggers on-the-level, without numbing them. And now the world is laying bare all kinds of fruits from our labor. I can't wait to tell you about those as well! <3
Ever since spaceman turned things around, every single day has been bonus after bonus of progress and healing. And just as I suspected, once we got him on the right track, the two of us would blossom in untold ways.
At this point, too many (good) things are piling up that I would like to share, but without telling the backstory of this one big thing, the significance of it and everything else now unfolding cannot be realized... not by anyone who doesn't yet know the backstory anyway.
So here goes:
Spaceman has AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder). Denial is a bitch, let me tell you. And so is Vodka! I have received quite the education in dealing with alcoholism, and yet, every single person and their circumstances are unique. I don't pretend to understand anyone else's situation, but I can tell our story a bit.
AUD is debilitating. It does not matter if you have a heart of gold or coal. And spaceman's heart is a rainbow of goodness. For that reason, I found that although this quite serious red flag became obvious after about 2 months of living together (because I'm dense and took that long to realize), I found that at every choice-point, I simply COULD NOT send this beautiful soul packing. My heart was broken, we were crumbling, and yet I could not leave him to his vice to die an inevitably early death.
Is every detail necessary? I'm sure you have some idea of it already... the stress, the conversations repeated because he was too drunk to remember from the night before, the hidden bottles, the promises broken, the refusals to admit, the arguments while drunk... you name it. We did not escape it, except violence. Spaceman is a kind soul, and a happy drunk (or rather, was) and has never raised a hand to me. He didn't have to. Threatening to walk out a few times was traumatizing enough to me. Like many with AUD, drinking was an escape from his worries, a means to forget, to stop the pain from consuming him.
He lost his two children to his ex-wife's personal vendetta against him. And, he lost his best friend, his brother, to a sudden heart attack in the room next to his one night. That is enough to tell you of his pain for now. I am not elaborating, because it is highly personal, and his story, more than ours. I will focus on ours. But please know, finding someone you love dearly dead one morning is extremely traumatizing. And losing contact with children you have only ever wanted to love and nourish is soul-shattering, especially when they reach of-age and do not come seeking you out and have not been found either.
So back to our story:
What I find so endearing about his personal struggle through this has been his sheer determination despite all the setbacks he endured. Having a genetic predisposition from both sides of his family made it even tougher. This has been a long drawn out process, pulling him out of that tailspin, and there are a few factors that were god-sends, one of which I wish I could tell the world about: TSM (The Sinclair Method), a pharmacological extinction method developed by Dr. Sinclair using Naltrexone.
Naltrexone or "Nal" for short is a pill that blocks opioid receptors in the brain, the same receptors that get stimulated when drinking. Only, and here comes that part that seems unbelievable until you understand it better, one MUST DRINK while using Naltrexone in order for it to work its seeming magic over time.
Naltrexone + Drinking = Cure
We eventually modified it for us to be:
Naltrexone + Drinking + Transparency = Cure
If one is not transparent with their significant other, troubles brew. But of course this method can be used even without any help from a significant other, so technically Nal + Drinking = Cure is still the actual cure.
The transparency part came into play for us because that bitch, vodka, kept sinking her hooks into him time and time again. He needed to begin the process of being open about the things he's been hiding for so long, and that was not an easy thing to do at first.. not for a long time in fact. Sneakiness in drinking is simply part of the core of AUD. It's not personal, though it sure feels personal and I had to learn to deal constructively with deceit from my significant other. It helped to realize that this man was never deceitful in any other subject or manner, other than with his drinking.
It sounds severe, doesn't it? It sounds like a deal breaker, I know. Believe me, it almost broke us, time and time again.
But on Feb. 8th, 2018, the birthday of his deceased brother, spaceman made a decision, a strong-backed decision to drop vodka from his life entirely. It was then that the TSM method kicked into its highest gear yet and we quickly climbed out of the vicious cycle that is AUD addiction. Don't get me wrong, it's not that the Nal wasn't working before that point. Spaceman swears that he could never have gotten to the point where he felt strong enough to kick the hard liquor to the curb without it. It's just that I suspect he needed a stronger dose to achieve that while still drinking vodka. It's just one of those steps in the TSM process... while you are doing your Nal + Drinking method of weaning off alcohol, you eventually experience milestones such as that. He still drinks beer or wine on Naltrexone sometimes. But he ALWAYS has his Nal pill at least an hour before drinking. This shrinks the neural pathways that were once used reinforce addiction, and over time his cravings have shrunk, bit by awesome bit.
Having said all that... I cannot express to you how significantly different "this time" truly feels. Few people have even known of his AUD outside of my little family's walls. One person, my older sister figured it out and I swore her to silence, insisting it's our story to tell, when and IF we choose to tell it. She has complied and been super supportive of our process. His family also knows. It came down to it at one point. One of my readers here, also knew, as I reached out for desperate help during one of the stronger stress points in our journey. A couple of my best friends knew, though that wasn't particularly helpful. One may also be in her own AUD struggle and the other has a boyfriend who is also AUD stricken. And I... my presence faded from everyone's lives while all this raged around me. I recoiled inward just to manage my own situation.
So that is it. That is the big ordeal of which I have been writing circles around for so long. And now that we have regrown our trust, regrown his faith in himself, he has begun the process of dealing with emotional triggers on-the-level, without numbing them. And now the world is laying bare all kinds of fruits from our labor. I can't wait to tell you about those as well! <3
Saturday, March 17, 2018
Healing Atop Healing!
Miracles can and do happen, and I believe I am in the midst of a banger of one right now.
Most people who know me, know I live with chronic constipation. This came on suddenly back in 2005, at the same time serious health problems came on suddenly for spaceman... immediately after our trip to Sedona together. While the reasons for that may be somewhat more in line with some kind of "spiritual setup" - due to unfold much later for the two of us, it may turn out to be related in a coincidental medical cause kind of way that, to be honest, we have not yet identified.
Though this miracle I've stumbled upon has been being called forth from my conscious calling out for it ever since then, it wasn't until this week when things got dangerously out of control that I became rooted in determination not just to treat symptoms any longer, but to get to the very root if it all.
I didn't expect answers to come so quick!
Now is the time, I suppose, and I am not wasting this new information. I'm jumping in full steam ahead, because it feels that succinct.
Synchronicities have been sparking off right and left this week as well, futher impressing upon me that I am on the right trail.
Here's the short of it:
I discovered my answers through escalating symptoms. All symptoms, even seemingly unrelated symptoms suddenly connect in an unexpected way and I have a health solution laying before me that excites me to no end!
First off, I am toxic. Not just because I'm full of shit quite literally, but because the method I have been using for years to help alleviate it (enemas) has finally caught up with me and been causing serious cardiovascular distress. But I didn't know this yet. Regardless, it is now clear, I am on toxic overload of sodium. So that must be dealt with first. I discovered the sodium connection from two meals I ate this week that had more sodium than usual, and the connection between my cardiovascular issues and sodium became self evident. But wait... I hadn't been eating too much salt in general, so how did I become toxic? I plugged it into the search box and began reading.
It was then that I discovered a forum post of someone having similar problems to whom my miracle answer was recommended. The guy said he felt results start kicking in within the week. Still skeptical of course, I searched to reach about that protocol and began skimming about the "magnesium miracle". Still not impressed yet, I pulled up a (long) video interview and set it to play while I continued my research.
At some point the connection popped into my head. Tossing my laptop aside, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to read the label on my box of enemas... sure enough, it's salt water!! I immediately knew I had to quit those cold turkey and also felt grateful that I had listened to my body's intuition so far this week and really clamped down on constipation-offending foods again. I even gave up meat again, simply for digestive tract transit time concerns. (Plus, I want to do it for spiritual reasons.) So making the decision to axe my one "go to" solution for my constipation didn't feel overwhelming to me because I was already starting to feel some relief from the constipation, having been eating tons of veggies this week, cooked and raw. I've always known that is super helpful to me, so it was the first thing I changed... again, because before now I never felt I could stick with it.
Back to the bed, sitting by spaceman who is doing his own thing on his own laptop, we both were growing increasingly fascinated with what this lady doctor was explaining about chronic magnesium deficiencies.
I have been telling spaceman all week, who has been trying his level best to accommodate any and all healing changes I want to make, that I'm adamant that I am not seeking solace for symptoms. I AM SEEKING the ROOT CAUSE. And let me tell you, I have been distraught this week over the cardiovascular complications and their boding in my life. My mantra has been root cause, Root Cause, ROOT CAUSE!!! I've been feeling a level of determination bordering on angry insanity, but it's also been fueling my requests for help from my spirit guides with a certain degree of expectation that they can deliver this information to me one way or another! I have been determined to will* the manifestation of this answer one way or another, though I knew not how!
And BAM!
This shit has landed in my lap and blown me away!
Magnesium deficiency, why that? Well, I plan to re-listen to that video and write down all the ways in which I personally have had life-long symptoms of this and how it may help with so many issues I have, that I thought were unrelated, including my chronic constipation. Seriously, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both!
I feel stoked! I'm going to BEAT this condition and RESTORE health like I've never known it before! And I'm going to take as many people with me as I can. <3 Staring with... my daughter.
And since this post is long enough, I think I will get out my carrots, apples & beats and start making fresh juice for the week while I re-listen to that video, making notes along the way.
What a good week!
*"Will-ing" healing... that's another synchronicity! I had an amazing dream over spaceman's recent healing which involved my willing it as so. So many overlapping synchronicities lately!
Most people who know me, know I live with chronic constipation. This came on suddenly back in 2005, at the same time serious health problems came on suddenly for spaceman... immediately after our trip to Sedona together. While the reasons for that may be somewhat more in line with some kind of "spiritual setup" - due to unfold much later for the two of us, it may turn out to be related in a coincidental medical cause kind of way that, to be honest, we have not yet identified.
Though this miracle I've stumbled upon has been being called forth from my conscious calling out for it ever since then, it wasn't until this week when things got dangerously out of control that I became rooted in determination not just to treat symptoms any longer, but to get to the very root if it all.
I didn't expect answers to come so quick!
Now is the time, I suppose, and I am not wasting this new information. I'm jumping in full steam ahead, because it feels that succinct.
Synchronicities have been sparking off right and left this week as well, futher impressing upon me that I am on the right trail.
Here's the short of it:
I discovered my answers through escalating symptoms. All symptoms, even seemingly unrelated symptoms suddenly connect in an unexpected way and I have a health solution laying before me that excites me to no end!
First off, I am toxic. Not just because I'm full of shit quite literally, but because the method I have been using for years to help alleviate it (enemas) has finally caught up with me and been causing serious cardiovascular distress. But I didn't know this yet. Regardless, it is now clear, I am on toxic overload of sodium. So that must be dealt with first. I discovered the sodium connection from two meals I ate this week that had more sodium than usual, and the connection between my cardiovascular issues and sodium became self evident. But wait... I hadn't been eating too much salt in general, so how did I become toxic? I plugged it into the search box and began reading.
It was then that I discovered a forum post of someone having similar problems to whom my miracle answer was recommended. The guy said he felt results start kicking in within the week. Still skeptical of course, I searched to reach about that protocol and began skimming about the "magnesium miracle". Still not impressed yet, I pulled up a (long) video interview and set it to play while I continued my research.
At some point the connection popped into my head. Tossing my laptop aside, I jumped up and ran to the bathroom to read the label on my box of enemas... sure enough, it's salt water!! I immediately knew I had to quit those cold turkey and also felt grateful that I had listened to my body's intuition so far this week and really clamped down on constipation-offending foods again. I even gave up meat again, simply for digestive tract transit time concerns. (Plus, I want to do it for spiritual reasons.) So making the decision to axe my one "go to" solution for my constipation didn't feel overwhelming to me because I was already starting to feel some relief from the constipation, having been eating tons of veggies this week, cooked and raw. I've always known that is super helpful to me, so it was the first thing I changed... again, because before now I never felt I could stick with it.
Back to the bed, sitting by spaceman who is doing his own thing on his own laptop, we both were growing increasingly fascinated with what this lady doctor was explaining about chronic magnesium deficiencies.
I have been telling spaceman all week, who has been trying his level best to accommodate any and all healing changes I want to make, that I'm adamant that I am not seeking solace for symptoms. I AM SEEKING the ROOT CAUSE. And let me tell you, I have been distraught this week over the cardiovascular complications and their boding in my life. My mantra has been root cause, Root Cause, ROOT CAUSE!!! I've been feeling a level of determination bordering on angry insanity, but it's also been fueling my requests for help from my spirit guides with a certain degree of expectation that they can deliver this information to me one way or another! I have been determined to will* the manifestation of this answer one way or another, though I knew not how!
And BAM!
This shit has landed in my lap and blown me away!
Magnesium deficiency, why that? Well, I plan to re-listen to that video and write down all the ways in which I personally have had life-long symptoms of this and how it may help with so many issues I have, that I thought were unrelated, including my chronic constipation. Seriously, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both!
I feel stoked! I'm going to BEAT this condition and RESTORE health like I've never known it before! And I'm going to take as many people with me as I can. <3 Staring with... my daughter.
And since this post is long enough, I think I will get out my carrots, apples & beats and start making fresh juice for the week while I re-listen to that video, making notes along the way.
What a good week!
*"Will-ing" healing... that's another synchronicity! I had an amazing dream over spaceman's recent healing which involved my willing it as so. So many overlapping synchronicities lately!
Sunday, March 11, 2018
Deep Healing
It's a life of ease, suddenly, and just in time, like a dam breaking and life downstream being refreshed... like salmon being let back into their natural rivers and streams and allowing the wild numbers to increase and contribute to the natural diversity of life all around it... I feel I am exactly where I planned to be at the time I chose to be here... and WITH who I was meant to meet up with. We share an interconnected purpose, so interconnected... I could never speak to it all.
If nothing else, we came to heal each other.
Like the salmon being allowed to return to to an expression that's closer to their source, being with spaceman helps me feel closer to mine. At the same time, he needed to experience the unconditional love that he pined for. And let me just add the caveat that unconditional love isn't really unconditional in so much that each person allows the other the room to heal while dealing with some of the most intense ares of life needing that healing most. It's more like holding space. But it does NOT mean allowing yourself to be walked all over. Giving room doesn't always mean non-interference; it means looking at what's best for the moment when your gut tells you what's most helpful for both beloves. What takes off after that is said to be amazing.
Have you ever seen that video on the effect of the release of wolves back into the area changed the very landscape of the park over time.
https://youtu.be/ysa5OBhXz-Q
Like is demonstrated in this video, you never know all the various ways in which returning balance into one's lives affects everything from their perspectives.
If nothing else, we came to heal each other.
Like the salmon being allowed to return to to an expression that's closer to their source, being with spaceman helps me feel closer to mine. At the same time, he needed to experience the unconditional love that he pined for. And let me just add the caveat that unconditional love isn't really unconditional in so much that each person allows the other the room to heal while dealing with some of the most intense ares of life needing that healing most. It's more like holding space. But it does NOT mean allowing yourself to be walked all over. Giving room doesn't always mean non-interference; it means looking at what's best for the moment when your gut tells you what's most helpful for both beloves. What takes off after that is said to be amazing.
Have you ever seen that video on the effect of the release of wolves back into the area changed the very landscape of the park over time.
Like is demonstrated in this video, you never know all the various ways in which returning balance into one's lives affects everything from their perspectives.
Tuesday, March 06, 2018
Respite, Healing
These last two days have been charged for me.
Certain difficulties have broken through to cleaner energy and stability. Actually that happened nearly a month ago. I can't believe it's been a month of this break-through. I'm starting to process what feels like grief and relief, especially this week as I look back and see how much time has gone by and what that represents to me right now. I wasn't sure how many rabbit holes I would have to go down to retrieve such a breakthrough. A month ago was a big one. And yet, I feel out beyond its sphere of destruction.
It's a really good place to be. Respite fills the air.
Certain difficulties have broken through to cleaner energy and stability. Actually that happened nearly a month ago. I can't believe it's been a month of this break-through. I'm starting to process what feels like grief and relief, especially this week as I look back and see how much time has gone by and what that represents to me right now. I wasn't sure how many rabbit holes I would have to go down to retrieve such a breakthrough. A month ago was a big one. And yet, I feel out beyond its sphere of destruction.
It's a really good place to be. Respite fills the air.
Sunday, February 18, 2018
Sunday Funday
It's just before 9 am on a Sunday morning. Today we are going fishing, trout fishing to be exact. Trout are active when it's cold so spring and fall are great for trout fishing. But since it's been raining quite a lot this past week, the rivers are swollen, so wading upstream through swollen rivers is out of the question. Today we go pond fishing.
The place we're going has 5 big ponds or small lakes, whatever you want to term them. They are stocked once a month and are a popular place to fish for a couple of reasons. #1) It's a metropark that does not require a fishing license. We have them, but it's a popular spot for that reason. #2) You can "keep" the fish you catch! Most easy access places around here don't let you. It's just for catch and release. That leads me to a third reason... #3) The lakes are easy access for elderly or handicapped veterans who live near the VA hospital that's close by. Some of those dudes (and a few gals) really know their fishing! Spaceman usually tries to get them to talk, you know... spill the beans on what lures they're catching all those fish on.... most folks are friendly and will chat a few minutes to share about their successes or the one that got away.
Today it's going to be chilly. Usually we only go fishing if it's close to or above 50F. As of right now, it's only 28F. brrrr!
I'm awake though, spaceman is sleeping beside me, snoring *rolls eyes* ;) If it were warmer I would have awoken him already like a kid on Christmas morning. But.... *sigh* It will be a while before it warms more. The high is supposed to be only 41F today. But... it's the only day in a long stretch where it's not supposed to also rain when it warms up. And we are itching to get out there and spend the day casting.
For my birthday he bought me my own tackle "box" which is a soft-sided bag with lots of pockets and a couple of hard plastic containers with dividers inside. Yesterday I got it out and gently reminded him it's empty. EMPTY! What's the point of carrying an empty tackle box. lol So he got his out, which is literally bursting at the seams and spring cleaned it a bit, handing me things I had contributed or that he had doubles of. So now I have a few things in my bag. That works for me.
Aww, he just woke up and said dejectedly, "It's 30 degrees." To which I replied, "Yeah, that's why I haven't woke you up yet. Go back to sleep." And bam, a minute later, he's snoring again. :P
I plan to wake him up a little more nicely later. :)
The place we're going has 5 big ponds or small lakes, whatever you want to term them. They are stocked once a month and are a popular place to fish for a couple of reasons. #1) It's a metropark that does not require a fishing license. We have them, but it's a popular spot for that reason. #2) You can "keep" the fish you catch! Most easy access places around here don't let you. It's just for catch and release. That leads me to a third reason... #3) The lakes are easy access for elderly or handicapped veterans who live near the VA hospital that's close by. Some of those dudes (and a few gals) really know their fishing! Spaceman usually tries to get them to talk, you know... spill the beans on what lures they're catching all those fish on.... most folks are friendly and will chat a few minutes to share about their successes or the one that got away.
Today it's going to be chilly. Usually we only go fishing if it's close to or above 50F. As of right now, it's only 28F. brrrr!
I'm awake though, spaceman is sleeping beside me, snoring *rolls eyes* ;) If it were warmer I would have awoken him already like a kid on Christmas morning. But.... *sigh* It will be a while before it warms more. The high is supposed to be only 41F today. But... it's the only day in a long stretch where it's not supposed to also rain when it warms up. And we are itching to get out there and spend the day casting.
For my birthday he bought me my own tackle "box" which is a soft-sided bag with lots of pockets and a couple of hard plastic containers with dividers inside. Yesterday I got it out and gently reminded him it's empty. EMPTY! What's the point of carrying an empty tackle box. lol So he got his out, which is literally bursting at the seams and spring cleaned it a bit, handing me things I had contributed or that he had doubles of. So now I have a few things in my bag. That works for me.
Aww, he just woke up and said dejectedly, "It's 30 degrees." To which I replied, "Yeah, that's why I haven't woke you up yet. Go back to sleep." And bam, a minute later, he's snoring again. :P
I plan to wake him up a little more nicely later. :)
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Valentine's Eve
I've finally found my way to the bedroom, early tonight, after several days of lower back aches and cramping. This IUD is coming out, very soon. It's made things so much harder. I'm done. This evening, I have a heating pad. ugh
Tomorrow's Valentine's Day and I had already bought some cards and candy... I hadn't been planning to buy a gift-gift. But today I thought of the perfect thing, and I tried to get to that type of store... one said it was open until 7pm. After racing to be there in time to shop, I found the parking lot abandoned and the neon "OPEN" sign, dark.
In desperation, I went to the only place that might have anything, Wal-Mart. But that too was a no go. This is a specialty item. Might as well tell you, since it didn't happen... it was "hackles", at least I think that's what it's called... it's a feathered craft material for tying your own flies, for fly fishing. He's out of them and they're sold from specialty stores or online. Too bad I didn't think of it sooner. :(
Anyway, I may still try to go, to a closer-to-work store, over my lunch tomorrow. Near work, it's a good area for fly fishing... which we haven't explored yet. This area has a few rivers perfect for wading. The only problem is I CAN'T CATCH WELL. haha I wish it weren't true! But I LOVE fishing.
When I was little, my dad took me fishing once... Paint Creek.... we fished off a giant squared off boulder, or maybe it just looked giant to my young self. I caught an albino fish of some kind, maybe 6 inches. There's a photo somewhere, I think, just not online. It was way before "online".
After that I was hooked. Unfortunately, I spent the rest of my childhood wishing my dad would take me fishing again, but never really going. Imagine my continued disappointment when down at the lake on vacation with extended family, my aunt and uncle got up to go fishing early one morning and though I begged my parents to let me go with them, my parents wouldn't even ask my aunt and uncle if I could go with them, it was their couples time, looking back. But still, my heart sank.
Dad had four kids to feed, put through catholic schools, and take on family vacations. Dad was a machinist for GM. I used to ask him, "Dad, what do you make at work?" "Money" he'd say. And for the longest time I thoroughly believed dad made metal coins at work. *shrugs* I was young. :) But dad knew what all parents know, if you buy something for one of them, they will ALL want it. And that was expensive. No fishing licenses for us. Anyways, dad worked all the overtime he was ever offered, 16 hour days for days at a time. Unions have lists, rules, and dispute resolution processes. he played by the rules and never missed out on maximizing overtime pay.
But it left little time for fishing.
Enter spaceman who fares from a river fishing family. The stories include stopping to fish open spaces... spaces that are now long since all owned, divided and marked "KEEP OUT". There's also an incredibly hilarious "when the fish really start hitting" story of his dad's. But it's not mine to tell. ;)
Spaceman takes me fishing every time I ask. If he's feeling blue, there's a good chance you'll find him getting lost in his healing process while casting his lines. He catches at least something EVERY TIME we go fishing! grr But not me. It doesn't matter. I would sit there all day if the weather cooperated. One time, lol, we rented kayaks to fish.... I actually caught 2 that day... and then we realized we had 3.5 miles left to go on a 5 mile course and about 15 minutes until sunset, until dark. It's hard to navigate a river at night and we had no flashlights. That was the most wild, determined rowing I've done in my life - or ever will again. When I'm 80, I want those memories.
Spaceman makes my life memorable. I know that I have truly been loved. And I know what truly loving feels like. It's not all easy, but it's beyond worth it.
Happy Valentine's Day to you all, My Love included. <3
Friday, February 09, 2018
all your moments have purpose
What if we're in a moment like in an epic movie... all of us, only not everyone knows this. What if you're ridiculed for the knowledge you would share? But what if you're finding others, and groups of all organic backgrounds are coming closer in combating the oppressors that keep you from your inherent access to the knowledge of the history of earth, true physics, and the interconnected-ness of logos, and holographic fractals. Everything is one, but from each perspective, separate. The wave and the particle, observation has an effect, lack of observation has proven a changed effect, consciousness creates.
And each of us are creating, from each our own perspectives, though coalescing of social complex conditioning guides (aka: brainwashes fake news to the masses) and that's how we have those that know and those masses who don't with the majority used to parrot propaganda to ridicule, those who bring awareness to the way forward. Otherwise, it's a bleak future. It's the enslavement of your minds by tv, gadgets, and technology to keep you disconnected from your seed of knowledge of self consciousness....
And I'm very into technology, so understand that I understand the significance of AI technology. AI is not just something created to assist us humans, make life easier, keep us alive. Technology is used for warfare, it's used in unimaginable ways when combined with the real physics and awareness transcending knowledge that's kept from us.
This is a consciousness war, and it's spread throughout the earth, solar system, other dimensions, and their inhabitants every 26,000-some years, morphing souls, points of consciousness, "enlightening", ascending those who are ready. Service to others is difficult but not like service to self. Send love to those whose modus operandi is service to self, when you can. But don't start with them, start with yourself, your past, your present. Reinvent the future. Become aware of the epic movie moment your existence is living out, because it's about to get crazy.
Energies are transforming and we are in that transformative area of our galaxy where (or is it when?) we are bombarded with more light from our central sun, enough to flip tipping points in cosmic ways that are no different from the ways of consciousness. The scales are tipped in our favor, because no service to self entity can ascend through the octaves into 6th density, if I recall it well. Each logos contains an octave and each note in that octave has logos within logos. Holographic. How can I not conceive an end outward, but inward... at some point we reach unity. It blows my mind to sit and think about it. I am so small. And yet I am all there is! If only I could live every moment aware of the implications of this in everything I do... that's kind of how I imagined enlightenment to be when I began to learn about it.
In reality, I'm not sure I know how it really is. I have so many personal hangups and self-sabotaoge even when I know I do, smh. But we each have a purpose, we have our place in the, shall I say, timeline??? maybe. A purpose we each must discover on our own... mine is inextricably intertwined with spaceman's. When I met him, he counted his telescope, book of essential rumi, and family photos as item's he'd save in a fire.... We fell in love while he quoted rumi passages to me over messenger, with or without webcam. We fell hard for one another.
Then a lot of stuff happened and we maintained a platonic friendship through the in-between years, until reuniting a couple years ago. Spaceman is someone I know in my everything is a separate but mirrored consciousness to my own soul. It's uncanny, he tells me this, feeling it with me as well, both ways. And yet, no couple is without their troubles, especially during a consciousness war, and especially with wanders who have been waking up in droves the solar system over, realizing their place in the cosmos, like an epic, slow-mo movie moment in the blink of an eye amid the history of the cosmos.
Tuesday, January 23, 2018
who spaceman is to me
Maybe a handful of you, at best, read that last post. No one commented, but at least someone out there read what I wrote.
Tonight I am pondering other things. Things like... seeing myself... in spaceman. Having met so clearly a reflection of transpositions along a myriad of faucets of personality, points of view, spirituality, and struggles... he shows me to myself, who else could do that so well but someone who is cut of the same cloth. And yet this person different enough... he's from a different sub-culture and we have a significant difference in age.... though I don't feel the age difference, except in music and tv references he'll make from time to time. I'll say, "I've heard of it but I can't place it". And he invariably says "nevermind, I'm old". I think he must feel the age difference more than I do. But we both feel the connection equally, we both know how lucky we have it in one another.
Spaceman is my twin flame. I didn't know what that meant until we came back together the second time. In the past I would scoff at the use of the term, not understanding how it is not the same thing as saying "soulmate". I'd long determined I'd had more than one soulmate in my life, including a platonic friendship or two. My experience led me to reluctantly believe that I'd either messed up my chance at true and lasting love, or just wasn't slated for it this time around. Though by then I had had a serious taste of what it could be like. It was all for naught though, I'd given up expecting what I wanted and was just trying to find companionship without the love that I felt calling me from my very being. My whole life had been "to find the one"and I was no longer looking for "the one".
It's like when they tell you "oh, you'll find him just as soon as you quit looking" (that always irritated me!)... and you think to yourself, "yeah, sure, I'll just quit wanting it right here and right now" (sarcasm) because you know you can no more let that dream go than not exist in the next moment. It's part of who I was, this calling to find my love.
And I found him and I sent him away!!! haha (long story)
That, too, by the way is a common experience with twin flames. It's said one or the other of the twins is the runner and the other is the chaser. I was the runner back then. But it wasn't easy to run. Ultimately what sent me running was a bit of energetic interference that must have been designed to draw attention to those things that needed transformation in our lives... that kind of transformative energy came from when we were in Sedona, AZ together and significant time in the shadow of the Cathedral Rock Vortex.
Years later he moved to Sedona and lived there for 2 years or so. I remember it well... well enough, anyway, from the perspective of his pen pal of sorts... a pen pal he was still very much in love with. A girl knows these things, yes, but she really knows it when he tells her. ;) Authenticity has a certain resonance to it when you sense it. Spaceman is the most honest and inwardly reflecting man I've ever known. He says he's all cancer-y water like, and he'd be right, but he's also infused with such a distinct insight ability, which I always considered to be thought-based, not as much emotion-based. Regardless, however he came by it, he came to similar insights and conclusions as I have come to about life, and how and why it works the way it does. It feels as if we've come together in a co-creative, predestined kind of way. I'm sure it must sound like flights of fancy, but some things are true whether you believe them or not. just because you exist as the center of your experience doesn't mean I also don't exist at the center of my experience, therefore everyone's experience is creating reality... it draws down into us like magnets for logos building material. threads of probabilities crackle and jump like elecromagnet jolts of tunneled light, like portals between planets and stars...
Spaceman is HIM. He's that person I came here to meet and go through life together like we are... like we are, at this time, on this timeline, and for a specific reason. We are not alone, there are many of us starseeds out there, and I would venture to guess that most are like he and I... still working out varying degrees of 1) our awareness of what's going on in the world and 2) our purpose within it. A few are confident of details. We are not, most are probably not. This is a whirlwind experience, but one I wouldn't trade for anything.
It's like we are barreling down through a portal tunnel of light where it's stretched we're all having a bit of a rough ride of it, especially those who are becoming aware through it, those who are awakening or awake. For the others, things may seem crazier but they still won't question it. Those folks may not notice as much difference, because their awareness is hijacked. But starseeds and a great deal of others as well, are waking up. We're all in different stages of that, but it's happening more rapidly. The negative is getting magnified but so is the positive. But no one individual, of those who are polarized towards one end or the other, is having an easy time of it lately. There is struggle and turmoil in some form or another for each of us.
Spaceman and I are no exception.
Our perspectives, our roles are not the same, but there is a certain challenge in our lives together that cannot easily be remedied. I don't know if he would be okay with me spilling it here, especially without warning, so I will simply tell you that it's a physical/emotional/mental/spiritual kind of challenge that both the not the dealing with it and the dealing with it has each threatened to take our relationship... and yet neither of us wants that, we want more to work things through, and we are doing just that and succeeding. And despite sometimes feeling setbacks, there is no way we cannot feel the authentic truth that resonates between us, that we belong together. we are home with one another, home is being with the other. it's childhood character building, common off-the-wall experience, a relentlessly endless stream of never running out of things to talk about. It's wading quietly in a swift moving river, the cold water closing on the pants of your waders but never freezing you out. It's the clear cold water where you can see until the water turns icy blue and too dark to make anything out. (don't step there!) It's looking up and seeing a hawk on the telephone wire then swooping down into the brush to get his song bird. he did. It's working hard shoving and shoveling mulch out of a borrowed pickup truck and being exhausted from the day's work. It's also a lot of other things, too.
Out of privacy, I withhold. But let me reassure you that this man is the most amazing gentleman I've ever met. <3 He's shown me what it means to truly love someone, to truly be loved by someone. When I am hurting, he's listening and working through things to meet me somewhere along the middle. Every morning he gets up early to make me breakfast, clean off the car and warm it up for me. And every evening he's made dinner for us while being conscious of each of our food sensitivities. He's torn off the and side of my shed, fixed it with new wood, and repainted it. My 10 x 10 little garden is now 20 x 30'! And it has a french drain under it, well.. mostly. heh :) It's a work in progress. ;) We have common aspirations. We love to grow organically. We want to live where we can have a small farm and live more surrounded by nature than the suburbs can provide. And we watch Cosmic Disclosure together, it's our favorite show, and have so much in common spiritually that it's uncanny how similar we view things.
But sometimes people have been through some serious shit. and sometimes that shit still has a grip even after love comes flooding in. I know what true love is because of this man. I not only know it, I have the memories of it, and the future and the present. Everything about us is transformative in a way. We do come from two significantly enough different cultural backgrounds... suburban metro libral meets Appalachian fishing christian theologian. Yet I knew what his hands would look like before I met him... but not what his culture or age would be like. in most ways, he is far more insightful and tolerant than I am. I'm hot firey air sometimes and he's thick mud. I'm not good with my emotions sometimes because I rely more on my intellect to keep me from those emotions as often as possible. he's so deep with his emotions that I have trouble understanding the patterns of it. thankfully cancers do have rhythms... and that's one thing aquarius isn't aloof about, discerning patterns, so consider it a challenge accepted! ;) The realization is... that cancer feels as deeply as aquarius thinks. it's a little known secret that there can come a rare connection between a certain combination of cancer and aquarius and the sparks are impossible to avoid. somehow he and I got it right. And I'm so thankful that I didn't miss out after all. My guy is here. we're together right now. whatever challenges that come our way, we face it together. we may not both take the same degree of flack by the challenges we face together, but the other is there, and in a complimentary fashion, standing together. To me, that's what love does. maybe what it is, is hard to describe well enough. but what it does, we can tell those stories over and over for generations to come. That's the kind of love I feel for spaceman. And it's the kind of love he gives to me. It doesn't prevent me from hurting, due to others or even him, but it does insulate me. his love feels like a blanket, all snuggly warm. He's home to me, he feels that way because the man I have been looking for my entire life stands with me now and every cell in my body tells me it's true. twin flame relationships are not easy, but they are rewarding like nothing you can imagine unless it happens to you. may it happen to each of you <3
Tonight I am pondering other things. Things like... seeing myself... in spaceman. Having met so clearly a reflection of transpositions along a myriad of faucets of personality, points of view, spirituality, and struggles... he shows me to myself, who else could do that so well but someone who is cut of the same cloth. And yet this person different enough... he's from a different sub-culture and we have a significant difference in age.... though I don't feel the age difference, except in music and tv references he'll make from time to time. I'll say, "I've heard of it but I can't place it". And he invariably says "nevermind, I'm old". I think he must feel the age difference more than I do. But we both feel the connection equally, we both know how lucky we have it in one another.
Spaceman is my twin flame. I didn't know what that meant until we came back together the second time. In the past I would scoff at the use of the term, not understanding how it is not the same thing as saying "soulmate". I'd long determined I'd had more than one soulmate in my life, including a platonic friendship or two. My experience led me to reluctantly believe that I'd either messed up my chance at true and lasting love, or just wasn't slated for it this time around. Though by then I had had a serious taste of what it could be like. It was all for naught though, I'd given up expecting what I wanted and was just trying to find companionship without the love that I felt calling me from my very being. My whole life had been "to find the one"and I was no longer looking for "the one".
It's like when they tell you "oh, you'll find him just as soon as you quit looking" (that always irritated me!)... and you think to yourself, "yeah, sure, I'll just quit wanting it right here and right now" (sarcasm) because you know you can no more let that dream go than not exist in the next moment. It's part of who I was, this calling to find my love.
And I found him and I sent him away!!! haha (long story)
That, too, by the way is a common experience with twin flames. It's said one or the other of the twins is the runner and the other is the chaser. I was the runner back then. But it wasn't easy to run. Ultimately what sent me running was a bit of energetic interference that must have been designed to draw attention to those things that needed transformation in our lives... that kind of transformative energy came from when we were in Sedona, AZ together and significant time in the shadow of the Cathedral Rock Vortex.
Years later he moved to Sedona and lived there for 2 years or so. I remember it well... well enough, anyway, from the perspective of his pen pal of sorts... a pen pal he was still very much in love with. A girl knows these things, yes, but she really knows it when he tells her. ;) Authenticity has a certain resonance to it when you sense it. Spaceman is the most honest and inwardly reflecting man I've ever known. He says he's all cancer-y water like, and he'd be right, but he's also infused with such a distinct insight ability, which I always considered to be thought-based, not as much emotion-based. Regardless, however he came by it, he came to similar insights and conclusions as I have come to about life, and how and why it works the way it does. It feels as if we've come together in a co-creative, predestined kind of way. I'm sure it must sound like flights of fancy, but some things are true whether you believe them or not. just because you exist as the center of your experience doesn't mean I also don't exist at the center of my experience, therefore everyone's experience is creating reality... it draws down into us like magnets for logos building material. threads of probabilities crackle and jump like elecromagnet jolts of tunneled light, like portals between planets and stars...
Spaceman is HIM. He's that person I came here to meet and go through life together like we are... like we are, at this time, on this timeline, and for a specific reason. We are not alone, there are many of us starseeds out there, and I would venture to guess that most are like he and I... still working out varying degrees of 1) our awareness of what's going on in the world and 2) our purpose within it. A few are confident of details. We are not, most are probably not. This is a whirlwind experience, but one I wouldn't trade for anything.
It's like we are barreling down through a portal tunnel of light where it's stretched we're all having a bit of a rough ride of it, especially those who are becoming aware through it, those who are awakening or awake. For the others, things may seem crazier but they still won't question it. Those folks may not notice as much difference, because their awareness is hijacked. But starseeds and a great deal of others as well, are waking up. We're all in different stages of that, but it's happening more rapidly. The negative is getting magnified but so is the positive. But no one individual, of those who are polarized towards one end or the other, is having an easy time of it lately. There is struggle and turmoil in some form or another for each of us.
Spaceman and I are no exception.
Our perspectives, our roles are not the same, but there is a certain challenge in our lives together that cannot easily be remedied. I don't know if he would be okay with me spilling it here, especially without warning, so I will simply tell you that it's a physical/emotional/mental/spiritual kind of challenge that both the not the dealing with it and the dealing with it has each threatened to take our relationship... and yet neither of us wants that, we want more to work things through, and we are doing just that and succeeding. And despite sometimes feeling setbacks, there is no way we cannot feel the authentic truth that resonates between us, that we belong together. we are home with one another, home is being with the other. it's childhood character building, common off-the-wall experience, a relentlessly endless stream of never running out of things to talk about. It's wading quietly in a swift moving river, the cold water closing on the pants of your waders but never freezing you out. It's the clear cold water where you can see until the water turns icy blue and too dark to make anything out. (don't step there!) It's looking up and seeing a hawk on the telephone wire then swooping down into the brush to get his song bird. he did. It's working hard shoving and shoveling mulch out of a borrowed pickup truck and being exhausted from the day's work. It's also a lot of other things, too.
Out of privacy, I withhold. But let me reassure you that this man is the most amazing gentleman I've ever met. <3 He's shown me what it means to truly love someone, to truly be loved by someone. When I am hurting, he's listening and working through things to meet me somewhere along the middle. Every morning he gets up early to make me breakfast, clean off the car and warm it up for me. And every evening he's made dinner for us while being conscious of each of our food sensitivities. He's torn off the and side of my shed, fixed it with new wood, and repainted it. My 10 x 10 little garden is now 20 x 30'! And it has a french drain under it, well.. mostly. heh :) It's a work in progress. ;) We have common aspirations. We love to grow organically. We want to live where we can have a small farm and live more surrounded by nature than the suburbs can provide. And we watch Cosmic Disclosure together, it's our favorite show, and have so much in common spiritually that it's uncanny how similar we view things.
But sometimes people have been through some serious shit. and sometimes that shit still has a grip even after love comes flooding in. I know what true love is because of this man. I not only know it, I have the memories of it, and the future and the present. Everything about us is transformative in a way. We do come from two significantly enough different cultural backgrounds... suburban metro libral meets Appalachian fishing christian theologian. Yet I knew what his hands would look like before I met him... but not what his culture or age would be like. in most ways, he is far more insightful and tolerant than I am. I'm hot firey air sometimes and he's thick mud. I'm not good with my emotions sometimes because I rely more on my intellect to keep me from those emotions as often as possible. he's so deep with his emotions that I have trouble understanding the patterns of it. thankfully cancers do have rhythms... and that's one thing aquarius isn't aloof about, discerning patterns, so consider it a challenge accepted! ;) The realization is... that cancer feels as deeply as aquarius thinks. it's a little known secret that there can come a rare connection between a certain combination of cancer and aquarius and the sparks are impossible to avoid. somehow he and I got it right. And I'm so thankful that I didn't miss out after all. My guy is here. we're together right now. whatever challenges that come our way, we face it together. we may not both take the same degree of flack by the challenges we face together, but the other is there, and in a complimentary fashion, standing together. To me, that's what love does. maybe what it is, is hard to describe well enough. but what it does, we can tell those stories over and over for generations to come. That's the kind of love I feel for spaceman. And it's the kind of love he gives to me. It doesn't prevent me from hurting, due to others or even him, but it does insulate me. his love feels like a blanket, all snuggly warm. He's home to me, he feels that way because the man I have been looking for my entire life stands with me now and every cell in my body tells me it's true. twin flame relationships are not easy, but they are rewarding like nothing you can imagine unless it happens to you. may it happen to each of you <3
Friday, January 19, 2018
see the otherselves
I miss this place. As remote of a place to express myself that this often seemed, even it induces nostalgia in me.
You see, society conspires with varying degrees of complicity, often unwittingly... relentlessly... wrangles us.
You see I didn't say control us. I said wrangles. If I would have said controls us and this were FB, people would lash out in comments and everything would still only manage a few interactions anyway, so what's the point? For someone who craves interaction with otherselves... positive, inquisitive, organic connections with others... well let's just say that my expectations for what humanity is capable of, is pretty high, but vastly unmet this day in age.
The world is changing so fast. I for one crave less fragmentation, more wholeness. As I could imagine John Lennon saying, imagine it if you can.
There are so many healing modalities available to us in this world.
And nefarioius influences in affairs all over the world, and beyond, even within... they have a stranglehold over humanity. Granted this is not true of every group, but factions therein may qualify. Once you see it in detail, over time, watching events unfold in the news, both mainstream and independent sources... (the very independent sources which mainstream brands fake news) once you see it happening in real time all around you, it really sinks in. Then you can take a step back and see that the right and left news outlets, both closer to center and furthest apart... they both represent parties and politics that have been used to enforce the milking of humanity's wealth and loosh as we farm cattle.
I have had a GREAT education this past year or two.
And I feel as if I have found my place in this world, my reason for being, if not my method of influence. Because of this FB self-policing crowd thing... it's TOUGH for those of us with a voice that sings about supposed conspiracies, what the mainstream indoctrinates the masses to ridicule. It's that same ridicule that holds back those who might otherwise reach out and find their own voice. Those with a voice are ridiculed and censored, by the algorithms and the users themselves.
Yes, crowd control through brainwashing really happens. It perpetuates itself. Crowd control through brainwashing. Brainwashing through crowd control. a perfect storm. Except, that is, when enough people begin to raise up and tip the scales by the hundredth monkey effect, otherwise referred to as the maharishi effect.
And so as you can see... what I WANT to say to the masses, TO WAKE THEM UP... I cannot get through because I am too sensitive in this world with all its red tape and ridicule.
I want to actually enjoy my life. I want to have meaningful interactions. I want to heal my body and soul, fuel my mind and follow my passions.
The good news is there are so many groups and initiatives going on around the world that are reaching out and calling this very awakening forth. They do it through various means, and though some didn't necessarily start out online, the connectivity of all these groups who are now connected up online has been the downfall of the globalist elite. In fact, it's also the downfall of the reptilian rule, and ultimately of the singularity by means of cosmic timing.
This is why I am here. This is why many of us incarnated here. We starseeds are here to bloom. And it is hard. Some won't sprout, too laden with barriers. I all but do sprout and still try and fail. Writing is part of that for me. I miss it. And I miss otherselves I've met through reading sincere comments. So instead of relating deeply, I try to see the otherselves in as many people I can, wherever I can. Maybe that will be my hundredth monkey.
You see, society conspires with varying degrees of complicity, often unwittingly... relentlessly... wrangles us.
You see I didn't say control us. I said wrangles. If I would have said controls us and this were FB, people would lash out in comments and everything would still only manage a few interactions anyway, so what's the point? For someone who craves interaction with otherselves... positive, inquisitive, organic connections with others... well let's just say that my expectations for what humanity is capable of, is pretty high, but vastly unmet this day in age.
The world is changing so fast. I for one crave less fragmentation, more wholeness. As I could imagine John Lennon saying, imagine it if you can.
There are so many healing modalities available to us in this world.
And nefarioius influences in affairs all over the world, and beyond, even within... they have a stranglehold over humanity. Granted this is not true of every group, but factions therein may qualify. Once you see it in detail, over time, watching events unfold in the news, both mainstream and independent sources... (the very independent sources which mainstream brands fake news) once you see it happening in real time all around you, it really sinks in. Then you can take a step back and see that the right and left news outlets, both closer to center and furthest apart... they both represent parties and politics that have been used to enforce the milking of humanity's wealth and loosh as we farm cattle.
I have had a GREAT education this past year or two.
And I feel as if I have found my place in this world, my reason for being, if not my method of influence. Because of this FB self-policing crowd thing... it's TOUGH for those of us with a voice that sings about supposed conspiracies, what the mainstream indoctrinates the masses to ridicule. It's that same ridicule that holds back those who might otherwise reach out and find their own voice. Those with a voice are ridiculed and censored, by the algorithms and the users themselves.
Yes, crowd control through brainwashing really happens. It perpetuates itself. Crowd control through brainwashing. Brainwashing through crowd control. a perfect storm. Except, that is, when enough people begin to raise up and tip the scales by the hundredth monkey effect, otherwise referred to as the maharishi effect.
And so as you can see... what I WANT to say to the masses, TO WAKE THEM UP... I cannot get through because I am too sensitive in this world with all its red tape and ridicule.
I want to actually enjoy my life. I want to have meaningful interactions. I want to heal my body and soul, fuel my mind and follow my passions.
The good news is there are so many groups and initiatives going on around the world that are reaching out and calling this very awakening forth. They do it through various means, and though some didn't necessarily start out online, the connectivity of all these groups who are now connected up online has been the downfall of the globalist elite. In fact, it's also the downfall of the reptilian rule, and ultimately of the singularity by means of cosmic timing.
This is why I am here. This is why many of us incarnated here. We starseeds are here to bloom. And it is hard. Some won't sprout, too laden with barriers. I all but do sprout and still try and fail. Writing is part of that for me. I miss it. And I miss otherselves I've met through reading sincere comments. So instead of relating deeply, I try to see the otherselves in as many people I can, wherever I can. Maybe that will be my hundredth monkey.
Friday, November 17, 2017
Are You Ready?
The world is right on the edge of a consciousness revolution.
All around us, every day we miss what's most important to remember, that brimming just below the surface of what's presented to us as a mass reality by the news and media outlets, is an underground network of groups and organizations doing what they can, where they can to better the experience of living in the drudgery of today's world.
In a virtual network that has found unlimited real life applications across various cross-sections of the world's population, the internet allows us to mingle with like-minded individuals, transact with ease, and invest in budding projects that represent ideals we believe in. It's commonplace now, to be moved to donate directly to individual causes while bypassing traditional banking systems and the corruption that often surfaces from board member abuses in more traditional and supposedly "non-profit" organizations.
Let's face it. Our world is full of corruption, left and right. There seems to be no corner of existence left where this corruption isn't abundantly apparent. It's collective effort is vying to pull us back and keep us entangled in a great struggle just to exist.
Tonight I sat in on a conference call with a grass-roots organization that I've been involved in for quite some time. Sadly, I've not been very active, just doing what I do to skate by on my participation level. There are a variety of reasons I've been lax through the years, but I think among the most prevalent reasons would have to be this sense of fruitlessness, both in the state of the world and in my own ability to be consistent and dedicated on a personal level. But while I sat in on this call, I heard explanations of initiatives underway that blew my mind in their vision, their scope, and not least of all, their effectiveness of intention. I heard people who were clearly entirely devoted and making amazing in-roads in penetrating various societal institutions such as healthcare professionals, leaders and professionals in corporations, and teachers. They are building networks to improve the quality of life for countless individuals, all while increasing their outreach in whatever ways that organically develop through the outreach efforts of its members.
I realized while I was listening in on that call, that as a volunteer in charge of a small corner of social media and technological outreach in my city, my lackadaisical approach to support is actually preventing others from being reached, from receiving the good this organization is offering in the world. I realized I am a barrier in my position, and it became clear that either I should step up to the plate and do my part or step out of the way so someone more qualified can.
And yet after the initial shame, a certain vigor set in as I thought to myself, wait... isn't my social media page buzzing with likes and activity despite my lack of attention? It is. What if I began to take a more active role in disseminating the information and resources at my fingertips? Could I find the inspiration to dive back in and take back up those reins in ways that I hadn't envisioned previously? I could. In fact, I want to!
That didn't mean I would, but my mind and heart are beginning to crystallize in an idea. I am here for a purpose that is larger than just me, and I finally see a way in which I can carry out that inner directive. Only, I'm not alone. A great many of us are here in waves, reaching out and connecting, building networks that vie for attention despite the lack of ready resources to do so.
I see online user groups devoted to consciousness raising, where people vastly communicate without negative trolls causing drama left and right. Yes, these DO exist! I see friends who don't want to discuss religion or politics because they just want to get along more than be stressed dealing with strong-willed but opposite-feeling so-callled friends of friends. I see innovative decentralized cryptocurrencies taking the power away from centralized banking organizations that were methodically put in place to rob us of the value of, and the assets themselves, over time. I see non-religious and religious spiritual groups teaching methods of connection and inward focus to aid the world in bettering oneself in order to in turn positively affect others we come in contact with on a daily basis. I see communities forming transparent, uncensored communications through blockchain blogging platforms and online resource-laden project directories bringing forth suppressed technologies and information.
Yes, beneath the suppression, beneath the propaganda of the old media machine and elite banking cartels, there is a bubbling network of consciousness-led initiatives fully formed and integrating society in ever more creative ways.
And when the old ways die back, when they are pruned from encapsulating the parameters of our lives, these organizations will take up the lead in creating the change we've so long wished to see in the world.
There is a veil of ignorance that is purposefully laid over the majority of the world. That veil is thinning and it's only a matter of a breakdown or two the status quo, the old constructs, that will allow the unseen to be seen, and the masses involved in activities that truly benefit societies the world over, to integrate at an exponential rate.
I want to be a part of that.
And now, I see the possibility with new eyes. And I'd better get back on track. The rest will naturally fall into place.
All around us, every day we miss what's most important to remember, that brimming just below the surface of what's presented to us as a mass reality by the news and media outlets, is an underground network of groups and organizations doing what they can, where they can to better the experience of living in the drudgery of today's world.
In a virtual network that has found unlimited real life applications across various cross-sections of the world's population, the internet allows us to mingle with like-minded individuals, transact with ease, and invest in budding projects that represent ideals we believe in. It's commonplace now, to be moved to donate directly to individual causes while bypassing traditional banking systems and the corruption that often surfaces from board member abuses in more traditional and supposedly "non-profit" organizations.
Let's face it. Our world is full of corruption, left and right. There seems to be no corner of existence left where this corruption isn't abundantly apparent. It's collective effort is vying to pull us back and keep us entangled in a great struggle just to exist.
Tonight I sat in on a conference call with a grass-roots organization that I've been involved in for quite some time. Sadly, I've not been very active, just doing what I do to skate by on my participation level. There are a variety of reasons I've been lax through the years, but I think among the most prevalent reasons would have to be this sense of fruitlessness, both in the state of the world and in my own ability to be consistent and dedicated on a personal level. But while I sat in on this call, I heard explanations of initiatives underway that blew my mind in their vision, their scope, and not least of all, their effectiveness of intention. I heard people who were clearly entirely devoted and making amazing in-roads in penetrating various societal institutions such as healthcare professionals, leaders and professionals in corporations, and teachers. They are building networks to improve the quality of life for countless individuals, all while increasing their outreach in whatever ways that organically develop through the outreach efforts of its members.
I realized while I was listening in on that call, that as a volunteer in charge of a small corner of social media and technological outreach in my city, my lackadaisical approach to support is actually preventing others from being reached, from receiving the good this organization is offering in the world. I realized I am a barrier in my position, and it became clear that either I should step up to the plate and do my part or step out of the way so someone more qualified can.
And yet after the initial shame, a certain vigor set in as I thought to myself, wait... isn't my social media page buzzing with likes and activity despite my lack of attention? It is. What if I began to take a more active role in disseminating the information and resources at my fingertips? Could I find the inspiration to dive back in and take back up those reins in ways that I hadn't envisioned previously? I could. In fact, I want to!
That didn't mean I would, but my mind and heart are beginning to crystallize in an idea. I am here for a purpose that is larger than just me, and I finally see a way in which I can carry out that inner directive. Only, I'm not alone. A great many of us are here in waves, reaching out and connecting, building networks that vie for attention despite the lack of ready resources to do so.
I see online user groups devoted to consciousness raising, where people vastly communicate without negative trolls causing drama left and right. Yes, these DO exist! I see friends who don't want to discuss religion or politics because they just want to get along more than be stressed dealing with strong-willed but opposite-feeling so-callled friends of friends. I see innovative decentralized cryptocurrencies taking the power away from centralized banking organizations that were methodically put in place to rob us of the value of, and the assets themselves, over time. I see non-religious and religious spiritual groups teaching methods of connection and inward focus to aid the world in bettering oneself in order to in turn positively affect others we come in contact with on a daily basis. I see communities forming transparent, uncensored communications through blockchain blogging platforms and online resource-laden project directories bringing forth suppressed technologies and information.
Yes, beneath the suppression, beneath the propaganda of the old media machine and elite banking cartels, there is a bubbling network of consciousness-led initiatives fully formed and integrating society in ever more creative ways.
And when the old ways die back, when they are pruned from encapsulating the parameters of our lives, these organizations will take up the lead in creating the change we've so long wished to see in the world.
There is a veil of ignorance that is purposefully laid over the majority of the world. That veil is thinning and it's only a matter of a breakdown or two the status quo, the old constructs, that will allow the unseen to be seen, and the masses involved in activities that truly benefit societies the world over, to integrate at an exponential rate.
I want to be a part of that.
And now, I see the possibility with new eyes. And I'd better get back on track. The rest will naturally fall into place.
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Two Peas in a Pod
That's what we are... two peas in a pod.
We fit snuggled together, wrapped in the same layers of soul. Our coming here was planned, probably taken on the wildest chance to meet up in space and time.
A massive amount of us came here to this age, to see humanity into the next. We are Indigos, Crystals, and the like. We are here with good hearts, strong intentions and beautiful purpose to align our own ascensions with that of the earth and solar system... and all of its inhabitants.
Spaceman, being... well, spaceman... knows all this.
When I first met him, he spoke of the heavens full of stars. Back then, he was fascinated with stargazing through his self-guided telescope. Back then, I was studying astrology, men, and myself.
Looking back on 2005, it's no mystery to me how my friend Liz's death played a role in shaping the rest of my life with spaceman. But the "with spaceman" part wasn't always clear.
Liz.
I met Liz in a Conversations with God study group that met in a big name book store. This was six years prior to meeting spaceman for the first time... it was 1999 and I was still married to my ex-husband. I was devouring spiritual book after spiritual book. You know, it happens in cycles, years full of intellectual absorption of metaphysical concepts... then years of applying in more earnest. At those CWG study group meetings, we tried to support one another in applying spiritual knowledge to our lives. Our group grew smaller over the years, from 40 to about 5-7. We got to know one another's struggles in life. Liz, like many of us, struggled with breaking free from the oppressive nature of the debt-enslaved society. In 2004 or very early 2005, she and another member of the group had decided to take a spiritual sojourn to Sedona, Arizona. They went, had incredible experiences, and Liz absolutely fell in love with Sedona.
She and our friend T had a phase-in-phase-out experience where they lost one another even though they were in the same location. Sedona is known for its 7 vortexes. Vortexes are like chakras of the earth. They are also portals, high energy beams of sort, twisting and turning as they shoot out from the center of the earth. The point is, the energy was so trippy, they "lost" one another for a minute or two, then phased back to find one another. Crazy shit.
I remember Liz telling us that story, with T chiming in. Liz was so awed by Sedona, she decided to give notice at her call center job, pack up, and move across several states to AZ where she didn't know a single soul... and live in Sedona alone. She was THAT stoked. There's no way any of us could nor we would have tried to talk her out of it. In fact, we were all so happy for her, as she found what she truly wanted to do, was wise enough to recognize it, and was taking drastic steps to bring that dream into reality. She was our hero. We all encouraged her toward her dreams, as we each did for everyone in the group.
A couple of weeks later, Liz went down to the parking lot in her apartment community and suddenly dropped from a massive stroke while trying to get in her car. (Thankfully, it didn't happen while she was driving.) But she never recovered.
She was in a comma when the call came in to have an emergency CWG meeting in the hospital, bedside. Everyone was there. We held hands in a circle and said our good byes, encouraging her to release from this life. Later that or the next day, the doctors pulled the plug.
Liz's death, and her life, leading up to that magical last couple of months... the message was all about going after what you really want, once you find what you truly want in life... That much of the message in Liz's death was apparent to me from the beginning. "Don't wait your whole life to go after what you want, or you may just keel over from the ripple of it when it does happen. I decided I want to be alive for quite a while after I know what I want in life.' I recognized that lesson early on, though the living out of it is much harder than it sounds.
Liz's brothers weren't very close with her, but were good people. She had 2, and they both agreed to let members of the CWG group, Liz's chosen loved ones, to make end of life decisions, and also, funeral plans. They also participated with our spiritual ceremonies without fuss, and with genuine sincerity. It was all very beautiful.
There were 2 events. One, a book give-away in a botanical gardens, happened long after we returned. From where? From Sedona. It was decided that since Liz's dream was to live in Sedona, that we would spread her ashes there to honor that dream.
At the time, I was madly in love with spaceman. And since the occasion wasn't entirely sad... since we aimed to make it a celebration of her life rather than "a funeral", I invited spaceman to meet me out in Sedona and experience the trip with me... we would get a room to ourselves. So that's what we did.
It turns out... Sedona is one POWERFUL place.
Those vortexes don't mess around.
You can't see them. You can't necessarily feel them, at least I couldn't. I didn't even know how to mediate at that time. But we sure got proof of them. I have a photo, taken with my digital camera (they don't have light leaks and even if they did, none of the other photos taken at the same time have this "light leak"), that have pink coming in from both sides but not reaching the center. We also have the video from the native american healing ceremony (the service we held for her) when the video goes all pixellated for a bit, although there is not a darn thing distorted about the sound in those moments.
The other "proof" we have is more subjective. I came home from Sedona completely off kilter in an energetic subtle-body kind of way. One of my subtle-bodies (auric I assume), was swaying back and forth... for 3 full weeks until I had an energy worker ground me. It was then that I started experiencing major food intolerances. It takes some time for food intolerances to build up and express in the body... how much time, depends on the food and systems it affects in the body. For me, 3 weeks was just enough time to explain my symptoms. It would take me 10 years or more to learn to (mostly) not crave and give in to those problem foods.
Spaceman had the same kind of thing happen, sudden unexplainable reactions to food that had, up until then, been quite fine to eat in any quantity. Inexplicable! And yet, we both experienced it after Sedona. Coincidence? We did spend hours amid vortexes over a couple of days' time.
The energy in and around Sedona had a palatable effect over me while I was there, to the point of feeling so antsy that I was snippy. I didn't understand what was happening and was desperate to "get a grip on it" or else I feared I would seriously damage my relationship with spaceman. I wasn't being nice, and I couldn't seem to help it. I was in over my head there in Sedona.
Spaceman said the natives told people never to live there, only to visit. It was like that in Kentucky, too, in case you didn't know (but that's a different subject). I can seriously confirm: Sedona is INTENSE.
Spaceman and I crashed and burned in Sedona... we were both exploding with fireworks in so many ways, but also falling apart as a couple. At the same time that I was squirming, I was super magnetized with him. It was like one minute I was argumentative and the next I was drawn to jumping his bones. lol Talk about confusion!
All I could identify was I was conflicted and that was not a good place to be in, in a healthy relationship. I blamed the energy connection out of lack of any other plausible explanation and we went our separate ways after that trip.
I could go on and on about how pivotal that trip to Sedona was for spaceman, too. Five years later he would part ways from his girlfriend-after-me and move to Sedona, to live. He has many stories and a super healthy respect for the energies there.
And even though we split as a romantic couple after that trip, we were soon back in contact again through email. And that's how it went for 11 years... we remained the best of spiritual friends, always cherishing our friendship, always appreciating the honesty and clean-feeling communication we had about the things we each were going through in life. It was clear, especially to me, that our love, was beyond amazing, beyond ideal... it was too intense to withstand... at least in Sedona, haha (We had very little time together in person overall.)
We were careful to be absolutely platonic, as we each had lovers from time to time... He even LIVED WITH his girlfriend for years while we were pen pals. But then followed his dreams to live in Sedona. Just like Liz. Only spaceman survived it.
When it became apparent his lessons there were over, he went home to the mountains in Virginia.
Several life events later, we are back together, and it is apparent to both of us: that first trip to Sedona (because there will likely be another) left us razed as a couple, but it only took away the crud that stood between us. After we each worked through personality quirks and ego-driven tendencies (that probably would have been in the way between us even if we hadn't gone to Sedona and were magnified in a short period of time while in Sedona)... after we each cleaned up our acts, so to speak, then we could be together. And now, we are.
And as soon as we got back together, the energy has shifted and the veils have lifted, for me at least (they were already open for him by then), and we both better understand why we are here, why now, and why we are together while we are here. We understand a good deal more about our purpose, and it seems to be inextricably intertwined with one another. We are twin flames. We are old souls. We are seeded here from other world civilizations to be here now, to love the crap out of one another and to follow our dreams, leading the way for others.
How exactly we do that, tastes so delicious in mere mixing of it, that we just cannot imagine anything less than getting what we want and making a wonderful life of it.
Soon: a vision board. The board it already bought. Just need dreams. ;)
We fit snuggled together, wrapped in the same layers of soul. Our coming here was planned, probably taken on the wildest chance to meet up in space and time.
A massive amount of us came here to this age, to see humanity into the next. We are Indigos, Crystals, and the like. We are here with good hearts, strong intentions and beautiful purpose to align our own ascensions with that of the earth and solar system... and all of its inhabitants.
Spaceman, being... well, spaceman... knows all this.
When I first met him, he spoke of the heavens full of stars. Back then, he was fascinated with stargazing through his self-guided telescope. Back then, I was studying astrology, men, and myself.
Looking back on 2005, it's no mystery to me how my friend Liz's death played a role in shaping the rest of my life with spaceman. But the "with spaceman" part wasn't always clear.
Liz.
I met Liz in a Conversations with God study group that met in a big name book store. This was six years prior to meeting spaceman for the first time... it was 1999 and I was still married to my ex-husband. I was devouring spiritual book after spiritual book. You know, it happens in cycles, years full of intellectual absorption of metaphysical concepts... then years of applying in more earnest. At those CWG study group meetings, we tried to support one another in applying spiritual knowledge to our lives. Our group grew smaller over the years, from 40 to about 5-7. We got to know one another's struggles in life. Liz, like many of us, struggled with breaking free from the oppressive nature of the debt-enslaved society. In 2004 or very early 2005, she and another member of the group had decided to take a spiritual sojourn to Sedona, Arizona. They went, had incredible experiences, and Liz absolutely fell in love with Sedona.
She and our friend T had a phase-in-phase-out experience where they lost one another even though they were in the same location. Sedona is known for its 7 vortexes. Vortexes are like chakras of the earth. They are also portals, high energy beams of sort, twisting and turning as they shoot out from the center of the earth. The point is, the energy was so trippy, they "lost" one another for a minute or two, then phased back to find one another. Crazy shit.
I remember Liz telling us that story, with T chiming in. Liz was so awed by Sedona, she decided to give notice at her call center job, pack up, and move across several states to AZ where she didn't know a single soul... and live in Sedona alone. She was THAT stoked. There's no way any of us could nor we would have tried to talk her out of it. In fact, we were all so happy for her, as she found what she truly wanted to do, was wise enough to recognize it, and was taking drastic steps to bring that dream into reality. She was our hero. We all encouraged her toward her dreams, as we each did for everyone in the group.
A couple of weeks later, Liz went down to the parking lot in her apartment community and suddenly dropped from a massive stroke while trying to get in her car. (Thankfully, it didn't happen while she was driving.) But she never recovered.
She was in a comma when the call came in to have an emergency CWG meeting in the hospital, bedside. Everyone was there. We held hands in a circle and said our good byes, encouraging her to release from this life. Later that or the next day, the doctors pulled the plug.
Liz's death, and her life, leading up to that magical last couple of months... the message was all about going after what you really want, once you find what you truly want in life... That much of the message in Liz's death was apparent to me from the beginning. "Don't wait your whole life to go after what you want, or you may just keel over from the ripple of it when it does happen. I decided I want to be alive for quite a while after I know what I want in life.' I recognized that lesson early on, though the living out of it is much harder than it sounds.
Liz's brothers weren't very close with her, but were good people. She had 2, and they both agreed to let members of the CWG group, Liz's chosen loved ones, to make end of life decisions, and also, funeral plans. They also participated with our spiritual ceremonies without fuss, and with genuine sincerity. It was all very beautiful.
There were 2 events. One, a book give-away in a botanical gardens, happened long after we returned. From where? From Sedona. It was decided that since Liz's dream was to live in Sedona, that we would spread her ashes there to honor that dream.
At the time, I was madly in love with spaceman. And since the occasion wasn't entirely sad... since we aimed to make it a celebration of her life rather than "a funeral", I invited spaceman to meet me out in Sedona and experience the trip with me... we would get a room to ourselves. So that's what we did.
It turns out... Sedona is one POWERFUL place.
Those vortexes don't mess around.
You can't see them. You can't necessarily feel them, at least I couldn't. I didn't even know how to mediate at that time. But we sure got proof of them. I have a photo, taken with my digital camera (they don't have light leaks and even if they did, none of the other photos taken at the same time have this "light leak"), that have pink coming in from both sides but not reaching the center. We also have the video from the native american healing ceremony (the service we held for her) when the video goes all pixellated for a bit, although there is not a darn thing distorted about the sound in those moments.
The other "proof" we have is more subjective. I came home from Sedona completely off kilter in an energetic subtle-body kind of way. One of my subtle-bodies (auric I assume), was swaying back and forth... for 3 full weeks until I had an energy worker ground me. It was then that I started experiencing major food intolerances. It takes some time for food intolerances to build up and express in the body... how much time, depends on the food and systems it affects in the body. For me, 3 weeks was just enough time to explain my symptoms. It would take me 10 years or more to learn to (mostly) not crave and give in to those problem foods.
Spaceman had the same kind of thing happen, sudden unexplainable reactions to food that had, up until then, been quite fine to eat in any quantity. Inexplicable! And yet, we both experienced it after Sedona. Coincidence? We did spend hours amid vortexes over a couple of days' time.
The energy in and around Sedona had a palatable effect over me while I was there, to the point of feeling so antsy that I was snippy. I didn't understand what was happening and was desperate to "get a grip on it" or else I feared I would seriously damage my relationship with spaceman. I wasn't being nice, and I couldn't seem to help it. I was in over my head there in Sedona.
Spaceman said the natives told people never to live there, only to visit. It was like that in Kentucky, too, in case you didn't know (but that's a different subject). I can seriously confirm: Sedona is INTENSE.
Spaceman and I crashed and burned in Sedona... we were both exploding with fireworks in so many ways, but also falling apart as a couple. At the same time that I was squirming, I was super magnetized with him. It was like one minute I was argumentative and the next I was drawn to jumping his bones. lol Talk about confusion!
All I could identify was I was conflicted and that was not a good place to be in, in a healthy relationship. I blamed the energy connection out of lack of any other plausible explanation and we went our separate ways after that trip.
I could go on and on about how pivotal that trip to Sedona was for spaceman, too. Five years later he would part ways from his girlfriend-after-me and move to Sedona, to live. He has many stories and a super healthy respect for the energies there.
And even though we split as a romantic couple after that trip, we were soon back in contact again through email. And that's how it went for 11 years... we remained the best of spiritual friends, always cherishing our friendship, always appreciating the honesty and clean-feeling communication we had about the things we each were going through in life. It was clear, especially to me, that our love, was beyond amazing, beyond ideal... it was too intense to withstand... at least in Sedona, haha (We had very little time together in person overall.)
We were careful to be absolutely platonic, as we each had lovers from time to time... He even LIVED WITH his girlfriend for years while we were pen pals. But then followed his dreams to live in Sedona. Just like Liz. Only spaceman survived it.
When it became apparent his lessons there were over, he went home to the mountains in Virginia.
Several life events later, we are back together, and it is apparent to both of us: that first trip to Sedona (because there will likely be another) left us razed as a couple, but it only took away the crud that stood between us. After we each worked through personality quirks and ego-driven tendencies (that probably would have been in the way between us even if we hadn't gone to Sedona and were magnified in a short period of time while in Sedona)... after we each cleaned up our acts, so to speak, then we could be together. And now, we are.
And as soon as we got back together, the energy has shifted and the veils have lifted, for me at least (they were already open for him by then), and we both better understand why we are here, why now, and why we are together while we are here. We understand a good deal more about our purpose, and it seems to be inextricably intertwined with one another. We are twin flames. We are old souls. We are seeded here from other world civilizations to be here now, to love the crap out of one another and to follow our dreams, leading the way for others.
How exactly we do that, tastes so delicious in mere mixing of it, that we just cannot imagine anything less than getting what we want and making a wonderful life of it.
Soon: a vision board. The board it already bought. Just need dreams. ;)
Sunday, May 07, 2017
Sundays
Sunday mornings may be my favorite. It's easy to discount weekdays, because, well: work. And Saturdays are often just as good as a Sunday, but Sundays have a magic all their own. Let's just chalk it up to less commitments and less shopping hours in the day. It's the last day of the weekend before the work-week cycle restarts, and I for one am trying to make the most of it. And to me, that means getting in as much R&R as I can, doing things that are regenerative to my spirit.
That doesn't always work out in entirety. Sometimes I must squeeze in a task or two, like today. Today I need to spend some time over at my parent's house where the food is being stored (not enough space here) for my daughter's high school graduation party in two weeks. We need to season, patty, and individually freeze hamburgers. We're also preparing some "chicken on the stick", so those need to be skewered as well, and frozen.
But other than that, I'm not quite sure how I will spend my day... but I do know who I will spend it with: spaceman of course. <3
The backyard is our refuge, so I'll probably look to see what other things I can tackle in order to spend some time more time out there.
Right now we have 4 yellow cherry tomato plants and 6 collard greens in individual pots, plus 6 plastic "egg cartons" with seeds. We're kind of late getting those started, but we figure, better late than never. And besides, if they don't do well (the seeds) then we can always just buy some starter plants at the store. But... if the seeds kick ass, then that's avoided.
One of my egg cartons is full of giant sunflower seeds. I plan to plant the majority of them out front in the landscaping near the house. I hope they grow up to be magnificent giants and awe the neighbors. Maybe some will think it gawdy, but I will take great delight in those "flowers". Mine will just be bigger than the average joe's. hehe
There's also a few bare spots this year in the hedges around my back yard fence. Those hedges are rose-a-sharon that are easily 10 ft tall. The giant sunflowers will fill in the spaces, reclaiming our privacy in full. I hope to get my crap together enough to learn how to grow some rose-a-sharon from seed or whatever other method I discover is best. Then by next fall or spring (whenever I learn is best), I'll plant them where the sunflowers were. It won't help with next year's privacy, but... I can only do what I can do.
Spaceman has determined our plans for things we want to grow is too big for even our new enlarged garden space, so he's going to get out the tiller yet again and extend it. lol Since I started gardening, that garden (I have a few) was 10 ' x 10', and he has already increased it to 20' x 20'. But yeah, it's going to have to go bigger. We want too much!! Last night we were discussing it and he said (again), "We need a small farm." This conversation forked off into several tangents, as per our usual.
To me, gardening is the one thing I can do that the oppressive debt-driven society has no effective control over. And it makes dents in so many other aspects life that are damaged and not thriving well at all. Gardening does these things that motivate me to do it:
That doesn't always work out in entirety. Sometimes I must squeeze in a task or two, like today. Today I need to spend some time over at my parent's house where the food is being stored (not enough space here) for my daughter's high school graduation party in two weeks. We need to season, patty, and individually freeze hamburgers. We're also preparing some "chicken on the stick", so those need to be skewered as well, and frozen.
But other than that, I'm not quite sure how I will spend my day... but I do know who I will spend it with: spaceman of course. <3
The backyard is our refuge, so I'll probably look to see what other things I can tackle in order to spend some time more time out there.
Right now we have 4 yellow cherry tomato plants and 6 collard greens in individual pots, plus 6 plastic "egg cartons" with seeds. We're kind of late getting those started, but we figure, better late than never. And besides, if they don't do well (the seeds) then we can always just buy some starter plants at the store. But... if the seeds kick ass, then that's avoided.
One of my egg cartons is full of giant sunflower seeds. I plan to plant the majority of them out front in the landscaping near the house. I hope they grow up to be magnificent giants and awe the neighbors. Maybe some will think it gawdy, but I will take great delight in those "flowers". Mine will just be bigger than the average joe's. hehe
There's also a few bare spots this year in the hedges around my back yard fence. Those hedges are rose-a-sharon that are easily 10 ft tall. The giant sunflowers will fill in the spaces, reclaiming our privacy in full. I hope to get my crap together enough to learn how to grow some rose-a-sharon from seed or whatever other method I discover is best. Then by next fall or spring (whenever I learn is best), I'll plant them where the sunflowers were. It won't help with next year's privacy, but... I can only do what I can do.
Spaceman has determined our plans for things we want to grow is too big for even our new enlarged garden space, so he's going to get out the tiller yet again and extend it. lol Since I started gardening, that garden (I have a few) was 10 ' x 10', and he has already increased it to 20' x 20'. But yeah, it's going to have to go bigger. We want too much!! Last night we were discussing it and he said (again), "We need a small farm." This conversation forked off into several tangents, as per our usual.
To me, gardening is the one thing I can do that the oppressive debt-driven society has no effective control over. And it makes dents in so many other aspects life that are damaged and not thriving well at all. Gardening does these things that motivate me to do it:
- Growing chemical-free food - as much as possible - depends on neighbors practices, too - mine don't seem to spray their lawns thankfully. Can't avoid chemtrail fallout.
- Eat healthier - It's fresher, in season, can be preserved, stocked. And it gets me eating more veggies than processed, boxed, frozen, or slaughtered food.
- Saves money - not buying it from the big-box store
- Be active - gardening is hard physical work sometimes! Beats slaving away on machines while watching TV at the gym.
- Recharges energy - garden barefoot or just being outdoors, either way, there is something about being outdoors that is spiritually regenerative. This cannot be understated.
- Produces vitamin D - just being in the sun helps your body produce it's own Vitamin D. Vitamin D is said to be a huge help in keeping cancer at bay.
- Apocalypse skills - yep, I'm just going to say it. It's only partially in jest. My son says this gardening skill stuff is what has earned me a spot on his zombie apocalypse team, it was iffy before that. lol Joking aside, come some 1929-like famine, farming skills, which are currently generations lost, would make the single most largest difference in quality of life for a while.
That's just off the top of my head. I *really* enjoy gardening with my best friend and love of my life, spaceman. He's so much better at it than I am, he says "from experience". And that is what I lack, being from the suburbs and him being from Appalachia. Certain traditions have been kept through the generations in areas that are more traditional in expression. Appalachia, though also changing, has retained some of that knowledge and skills of living closer with the land, and thankfully passed it on to him, who is passing it on to me.
Someday in the next however many years... we will move to an acre or two of good land for a small homestead. Cannot wait!
Monday, February 27, 2017
It's Begun
It doesn't feel weird to say this, but I think so many of us are going through a quickening of one variety or another. As fast and all consuming it drives each of our own attention, it's rather amazing to witness what I am seeing.
For me, the whole thing is wrapped up in my own rising consciousness. It's funny... ironic, to look back and know that at one point, all the levels at which I have come to peel back the layers of the veils that keep us under control, quite literally as David Wilcock termed, "free range slaves".
My layoff in 2011 ensured I hit bottom so that I could rise like a phoenix into the midst of a world-wide, hell solar system-wide, mass ascension event.
Yes. I am keenly aware of how absurd that very likely sounds to you. But the thing is... I bet it doesn't sound as outlandish today as it did 10 years ago. How about 20 years ago?
The world is changing. CONSCIOUSNESS is changing. We truly are infinite intelligence experiencing itself in duality. The holographic or simulated marcrosm to microsm. From base to pineal gland, we are arising. We are reaching critical mass. The powers that control us are themselves fracturing and turning on one another. Revelations are coming. Funny how they call it the book of revelations. That's just another way of saying that the populace will reach critical mass in their understanding. Spaceman could tell you all about biblical symbologies and relate them to the stars and planets in the sky.
The history of our solar system is fascinating. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you. It's THAT outrageous. But every person on this planet deserves to know. THAT much, I do know. It's just, we each discover these things on our own, and at our own pace. Only... right now... now is the time.
With the mainstream media control structures crumbling, "tin foil hat conspirists" will be taken more seriously by all, because when the world knows they have been dupped, and to such a degree, they will begin to think even more critically. Eventually the pieces will form enough of a picture to where the understanding, however bleak, of how the elite has been controlling us, will gel in the minds of the masses. It is only a matter of time before we take our own free and creative wills back as a humanity.
For probably a year now, I've been deep diving into full disclosure. It's time to open up a bit about it, be brave to discuss it and stuff... you know, be the me that I AM, authentically. Knowing about all this and living like societal norms dictate... it's part of what's wrong with society. Those of us who know, are going to start speaking up more. It's time. The world is waking up. We are realizing what's really going on... and demanding better.
In order to walk my talk... I need to do that more transparently, rather than despite my interactions with others. This is what will spread further awareness in the world. There's so much to save and heal.
For me, the whole thing is wrapped up in my own rising consciousness. It's funny... ironic, to look back and know that at one point, all the levels at which I have come to peel back the layers of the veils that keep us under control, quite literally as David Wilcock termed, "free range slaves".
My layoff in 2011 ensured I hit bottom so that I could rise like a phoenix into the midst of a world-wide, hell solar system-wide, mass ascension event.
Yes. I am keenly aware of how absurd that very likely sounds to you. But the thing is... I bet it doesn't sound as outlandish today as it did 10 years ago. How about 20 years ago?
The world is changing. CONSCIOUSNESS is changing. We truly are infinite intelligence experiencing itself in duality. The holographic or simulated marcrosm to microsm. From base to pineal gland, we are arising. We are reaching critical mass. The powers that control us are themselves fracturing and turning on one another. Revelations are coming. Funny how they call it the book of revelations. That's just another way of saying that the populace will reach critical mass in their understanding. Spaceman could tell you all about biblical symbologies and relate them to the stars and planets in the sky.
The history of our solar system is fascinating. You wouldn't believe it if I tried to tell you. It's THAT outrageous. But every person on this planet deserves to know. THAT much, I do know. It's just, we each discover these things on our own, and at our own pace. Only... right now... now is the time.
With the mainstream media control structures crumbling, "tin foil hat conspirists" will be taken more seriously by all, because when the world knows they have been dupped, and to such a degree, they will begin to think even more critically. Eventually the pieces will form enough of a picture to where the understanding, however bleak, of how the elite has been controlling us, will gel in the minds of the masses. It is only a matter of time before we take our own free and creative wills back as a humanity.
For probably a year now, I've been deep diving into full disclosure. It's time to open up a bit about it, be brave to discuss it and stuff... you know, be the me that I AM, authentically. Knowing about all this and living like societal norms dictate... it's part of what's wrong with society. Those of us who know, are going to start speaking up more. It's time. The world is waking up. We are realizing what's really going on... and demanding better.
In order to walk my talk... I need to do that more transparently, rather than despite my interactions with others. This is what will spread further awareness in the world. There's so much to save and heal.
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