I feel like, somehow, fire came into my life.
This post was brought on by Sadhguru's message about the element of Air in Vayu – The Element of Air:
"The idea of taking charge of the element of air is to bring about health and an instant sense of wellbeing. If you activate vayu and it reaches a certain peak, naturally agni or the fire element will follow to some extent – maybe to twenty-five to thirty percent. If you have mastery over the element of air, the element of fire will partially come along with it. A lot of people lack fire, which is a big problem in life. They may do things, but nothing will come out of it. Once the fire is on, you are much better than the way you were. Though fire only makes up a small percentage of the human system, in many ways, it is everything. It also gets you closer to the subtle element of ether."
There was a stripping down of how I experience myself over the past 6 years or so... I cannot believe it has been 6 years since I was laid off! Certainly there was a deeply rough patch in there, and somehow it stripped me through dealing with so much SHIT that wore me down ("if it's not one thing it's another") and caused serious depression and anger for a long period of time. I'm through all that now. But because of it, and without my personally intending for it to do so, this period in my life shed parts of my persona that I wasn't looking to release. And in the empty space bubbled up a drastically more authentic expression of my core being. The effects started showing before I realized what was going on. It was only through hind-sight that the new pattern became apparent. I am more firey, and frankly, I love it.
The crazy part is, looking back over the entirety of my life, I see that "fire" somehow has been expressed in one form or another throughout. When I was a child it made me stubborn to my preferences. As a young adult, it made me argumentative to the n-th degree. That, I own as part of my first marriage's demise. In time, I whittled away at not only biting my tongue but, in time, simply not feeling my buttons pushed so easily by others - because I "chose" to react more wisely. But even this "intended" self improvement was not enough to bring about the effects that the crumbling of my life invoked. That was something much bigger than I could or would have chosen for myself.
But it happened anyway, and ironically (or not so ironically if you, like me, do not believe in coincidences), who I experience myself to be CHANGED.
I laugh more readily. I see the irony in things, even inappropriately so at times. I am far less likely to participate in "shoulds" and I enjoy my life far more. I seem to be instantaneously more "myself" than ever before. It even surprises me when stuff comes flying out of my mouth before I "think before I speak". But fortunately, I can usually trust what comes out, which is definitely far different from the me I used to be. I was so unintentionally saddled by my inhibitions. Inhibitions be damned now! And I love it. :)
^from a Google search
Most people say this is just part and parcel to growing older and, hopefully, wiser. I know this to be be something far deeper than just that, though it's that, too. Although I am 90% air (astrologically speaking), there is more fire these days, and it's expressing spontaneously... burning with much less smoke, much less destruction. I am thankful for this. And I cannot be merely thankful for the result without also being thankful for the causes. Although, I really don't want to rehash all the pain and misery that rippled changes throughout my and my kids' lives for the period of time. Please just know that it was INTENSE and unrelenting for a period of time. I'm so glad it's over, and yet I'm so glad it happened. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but then again I might consider wishing it on the world if the world could come out as shiny as I feel. Sometimes I feel like the world needs such a cleansing. BUT, I don't assume others actually need such drastic measures to come to similar or better results. What worked for me, does not necessarily need happen for others. I do wish the world, everyone in it, could find themselves a little more at ease within themselves. (Actually, I'm sure there are a great deal of us who ARE experiencing this.)
