There's so much more to discover than imagined.
The way he leans in close, brushes back my hair, holds my face with his thick, strong hands... hands that were busy hours earlier bending and cutting branches, working them into a more manageable shape. Now he cuts loose the cap on his love for me by intently pulling my face close to his, purposefully pouring himself deeply in through my eyes. He's showering me with his inner world, opening a direct line into his heart. And in that instant, the world around me falls away as if it had never existed, my heart fills to overflowing with his piercing desire.
When this man comes at me, he usually comes at me in calm, tender bits. Sweet nothings that dot my world with crumbs of his care and attention. How can a girl live among such displays and not notice? How could anyone take for granted the sincerity of such acts? How could anyone trudge through or sweep them up and toss them out with the weekly trash?
It must take just the right soul to be sensitive enough to see all the light shining from the gentle soul that he is. With all the footsteps he takes around this place in a given day, like trails of light streaming from one room to the next, they cast energy and glow creating an ambiance that fills me up, even when he's not in the same room.
Days or weeks may pass supported by this web of connectedness, then breaking into fiery passion that whisks me away into the ether of suspended and sustained ecstasy. Pulling me out of the shell of who I am, the me without his spirit permeating mine, isn't easy. Even I do not know how to do that for myself. But when he comes close and closer still, when he pursues the passion that lights him from within, when he shares that, expresses it with pulls and tugs on my body and soul... I melt and meld without inhibition. This. It's conjoined bliss, able to take me places and play very seriously, very intently, so ecstatic in nature that it feels electric, pulsing with voraciously sublime energy... and reinforced with literal words spoken aloud... "you are my world, my love... everything about you syncs with mine... I love your..." and all the lists he lists!!! One by one, verbal love engages my mind and heart while his hands travel my body, sending tingles through skin, pressing hungrier into my everything, reawakening a full body & soul energy fusion.
You wouldn't know this could come from him. You couldn't meet him and sense it. If he were to shower you in such a way, your world could correct course like mine has. Or not. Does it not take just the right soul path to converge in such a way? I believe so. Nothing I've ever experienced has been on this scale... a harmonic scale, that is. So in tune, so orchestrated from eons ago. It's palatable, and I will continue to engage this so long as it lasts... and having come from such a strong and varied story across lifetimes and timelines.... there's no chance I won't do everything in my power to honor this, to honor him, to foster us, and to take that and build upon it whatever is possible to share with the universe in told and untold ways.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Transitions
It's said that life proceeds in cycles. Like a spiral growing larger as it climbs ever upward, life brings us through the seasons of our lives, distilling wisdom through experience... whether we listen to it or not.
Lately, there seems mounting evidence that my life is, yet again, not only taking on new structures but requesting I leave some of the familiar ones behind.
As much as it just makes plain old common sense that I would be feeling such tensions during a life change such as is involved in joining lives with someone - sometimes it feels like a suspension bridge that's falling apart as I walk across to the other side of a rocky, lush valley. One by one the planks release and fall away, sometimes in fits and sometimes in giggles.
There seems to be enough steam built up in the process by now that there's really no going back. And what would be the point in that anyway??? I have no desire to turn back time and regain what seems to be falling away from my life. Although nostalgia for "the good old times" does tug at my heart strings, overall, I am not about to risk spiritual regression just to taste what I've already tasted before. Nope.
With one eye up ahead and the other watching my next step, there's no going back. And with the planks falling out right behind me, there would be nothing to step back to even if I tried. Those days are starting to feel like other phases of my past... "lifetimes within lifetimes" I have often called it. A new "lifetime" has commenced.
Mostly I am speaking about friendships. But more accurately, I am speaking about a certain degree of modus operandus. For years everyone has known me as single and a good friend. I'm the one they call when they need someone to listen, really listen. And I haven't minded listening all this time. I really have enjoyed those friendships through the years. But something is changing on a level that feels organically fundamental to the phase that is now dawning, and it seems to be asking me to, at the very least, reevaluate what's worth continuing to foster and what's best left to see if it survives into the future.
This is my time to shine. It's also my time to roll up my sleeves and get busy with the sometimes gritty work of polishing my own self. No one has ever challenged me to be a better person as much as the person I am now uniting my life with. And yet there is no requirement put upon me that I let anyone go from my focus. There is simply a clarity gained that helps me see past the reasons I have long held to continue relating with certain folks.
Until now, being single afforded me the luxury of overlooking poor behaviors in some, as I saw fit. But now, those same poor behaviors affect more than just me. And if they cause a strong aversion in my SO, they are worth re-evaluating their merit in my life as well. That's where my priorities lay, not out of obligation, but instead out of taking cues from someone I admire greatly and looking at each triggered situation with re-opened eyes.
So much else is changing as well. Why hold on to that which is attempting to drown me? Not me. I'm keenly aware that I have my limits and that, usually, I do not ever see the actual point at which I will stand up and say "NO MORE"... but I DO know that when I reach it, it will be plainly obvious. And when enough of those happen in a relatively short period time, it signals to me that a new phase is dawning and I should be a little bit easier on myself through the process. *I* matter, too. And cleaning house is always good every once in a while. Why not now? :)
Lately, there seems mounting evidence that my life is, yet again, not only taking on new structures but requesting I leave some of the familiar ones behind.
As much as it just makes plain old common sense that I would be feeling such tensions during a life change such as is involved in joining lives with someone - sometimes it feels like a suspension bridge that's falling apart as I walk across to the other side of a rocky, lush valley. One by one the planks release and fall away, sometimes in fits and sometimes in giggles.
There seems to be enough steam built up in the process by now that there's really no going back. And what would be the point in that anyway??? I have no desire to turn back time and regain what seems to be falling away from my life. Although nostalgia for "the good old times" does tug at my heart strings, overall, I am not about to risk spiritual regression just to taste what I've already tasted before. Nope.
With one eye up ahead and the other watching my next step, there's no going back. And with the planks falling out right behind me, there would be nothing to step back to even if I tried. Those days are starting to feel like other phases of my past... "lifetimes within lifetimes" I have often called it. A new "lifetime" has commenced.
Mostly I am speaking about friendships. But more accurately, I am speaking about a certain degree of modus operandus. For years everyone has known me as single and a good friend. I'm the one they call when they need someone to listen, really listen. And I haven't minded listening all this time. I really have enjoyed those friendships through the years. But something is changing on a level that feels organically fundamental to the phase that is now dawning, and it seems to be asking me to, at the very least, reevaluate what's worth continuing to foster and what's best left to see if it survives into the future.
This is my time to shine. It's also my time to roll up my sleeves and get busy with the sometimes gritty work of polishing my own self. No one has ever challenged me to be a better person as much as the person I am now uniting my life with. And yet there is no requirement put upon me that I let anyone go from my focus. There is simply a clarity gained that helps me see past the reasons I have long held to continue relating with certain folks.
Until now, being single afforded me the luxury of overlooking poor behaviors in some, as I saw fit. But now, those same poor behaviors affect more than just me. And if they cause a strong aversion in my SO, they are worth re-evaluating their merit in my life as well. That's where my priorities lay, not out of obligation, but instead out of taking cues from someone I admire greatly and looking at each triggered situation with re-opened eyes.
So much else is changing as well. Why hold on to that which is attempting to drown me? Not me. I'm keenly aware that I have my limits and that, usually, I do not ever see the actual point at which I will stand up and say "NO MORE"... but I DO know that when I reach it, it will be plainly obvious. And when enough of those happen in a relatively short period time, it signals to me that a new phase is dawning and I should be a little bit easier on myself through the process. *I* matter, too. And cleaning house is always good every once in a while. Why not now? :)
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