Icebergs and TNT

I don't even know where to begin.  

In 2014, I hired a particular channeler for the second time. The first time had been in 2011, several months after my layoff from HP.  During that first channeling I was told something was happening that I "knew" to be otherwise at that time and dismissed.  Shortly thereafter, I found out it was very much the truth.  An official decision had been reversed, for my benefit, without my appealing it.  It was a big and accurate prediction that blew me out of the water.  Three years or so having passed... I was looking for some more guidance in my life, so I decided to have another session.  During this session, I was told I would "go back to school" and further my education.  This again was not something I had any desire to do.  I still don't, not in a traditional sense.  I currently hold an associate degree in a career field of bachelor-requiring jobs.  What I don't have in traditional education, I have in experience and, sometimes, luck or serendipity if you believe in such things.  That said, going back to school is probably something I should consider.  However, I am not interested in the least.  

However, I currently find myself receiving an unexpected "education" from a completely unexpected source.  I'm fascinated and deep-diving.  Having just typed that word, "deep-diving", I am reminded of a message my spirit guides gave me back during the years in which I had access to them via a different channeler (who has never been and probably never will be, superseded in my mind, in excellence of intimate connection).  I did not know their names, as that was never important to me... but I knew their speaking with me was the most special of important moments in my life.  I drank their words like wine and distilled the rest.  What they had said to me was something about my deep-diving an iceberg, discovering so much more beneath the surface than I imagine or knew about hence-forth.  I feel very much like that now.  In a spiritual sense, in a world-view sense, I'm way below the surface and really don't feel like coming up for air.  This is an education for me.  

What it is, I'm not sure I want to discuss.  It's too early anyway.  I would likely spout rumors and half-truths anyway. What is the point in that?  Especially when I sense the most important point of being privy to such information at this time is for me to simply use it, or develop it within myself.  No amount of making a mockery of myself is useful in that, yet anyway.  For some people it might, and in fact I would not know about it at all if they had not come forward.  I am thankful for that, truly.  

And thus, with all this swirling within me, I don't know what to write about.  I'm kind of a mess, a sweet sticky, fun, enthralling mess.  So much is going so well.  So much is seemingly "kicking into gear".  With this latest information and with spaceman in my life... even the the name spaceman takes on additional meaning for me.  This jumbling of my world order is like... well have you ever played Minecraft?  If you have or you have a son like mine who used to delight in crafting TNT in the game and "blowing up the world" - which equates to detonating so much TNT in one central location in the world map that the entire world of blocks addressed in the game would explode into the air and take literally overnight for the game to process the blocks falling back onto the "ground" in the game.... (if it didn't entirely lock up the computer in the process)... well that's kind of how I feel right now... like all my blocks have been blown up into the air, waiting to settle back to the ground.  What kind of decision-making can be done in that kind of environment?  None, I'll tell you, none.  At this point, there are still blocks of TNT yet to be exploded, which will certainly do so as I dive deeper to penetrate this iceberg.  

And I'm supposed to clean the house today.  Yeah. smh

Success!

It's official!  When I stepped on the scale this morning, I had breached the 10 lbs lost milestone.  And I had cheesecake for dessert yesterday. Haha  And I was feeling really tired yesterday afternoon and day-dreamed about NOT going to the gym after work.  I went anyway. That makes is extra-special sweet. 

Ten pounds gone!

This morning I decided to pull out a pair of jeans I haven’t worn for about 6 months and wear them to work.  They fit just fine.  Happy me! :)

It took way longer to lose this first 10 lbs than I imagined.  When I started (Nov 30th), I figured I could drop the first 10 in a month.  It’s been 7 ½ weeks.  My metabolism must have been in the gutter.  But, I continued regardless of the slow progress… progress is still progress, however slow.  Here’s the 7 weeks of ups and downs.

I’m not done, not by far.  I would like to drop another 20 for sure, but..  according to Google, I should be 107-140 lbs at 5’3”, which means I should drop more than that!  Grrr.  

I personally would be happy at 150 lbs.  But, I will simply settle where my body naturally settles with my good eating and exercise habits.  Who knows where that will be...

So that’s it!  I’m due a reward of some kind.  I’m thinking a new workout outfit.  But… I’ll probably just get one piece.  So far I have been laundering my workout outfit every night after I go to the gym, so I can have it available for the next day.  Which.. I did not accomplish last night, so no gym tonight.  I’m thinking I will buy a sports bra or a tank top.  Not sure which.  I have a couple pairs of sweatpants to alternate between, so no need for that.  I think I'm going for the tank top.  I will reward myself the sports bra after the next 10 lbs. :)

Me Time

I can remember when I used to do all my writing sitting in the other room, the family room, at the desktop computer.  I next to never sit at that computer anymore.  I'm in my room, in my sanctuary.  At least it feels like that again to me now.  I want the rest of the house to return to that vibratory level, too.  This place took a really hard few hits over the past few years... and when you are taking hard hits, it reverberates into so many directions and areas of life, even into adjacent dimensions, I imagine.  

Anyway, my house is in a state of distress, for the most part.  If each of us have our own "pain bodies" to haul around, then so do houses on some level, and right now I'm not the only person living here.  There are 4 of us: my 16 year old daughter, 19 year old son, and my 45 year old brother.  I am 41.  And I rule this house. lol  Maybe not well, but I do.  I'm responsible for its state both bad and good.  If I want improvement here, I need to do the work.  I started where it would affect me the most, in my bedroom.  And although I have not made too much more progress in other areas of the house (I stay busy), the living room is in my cross-hairs.  It was last Sunday (fail) and it is now this Saturday AND Sunday if need be.  

But I am sure I will "play" at least equally as much.  I spoil myself these days... I'm out running around town taking photos by car or on foot, usually a combination of the two with more than one stop along the way.  But not lately... brrrrrrr lately!!! :(  Plus, I'm just coming through to the other side of it being too dark too early to catch a sunset on my way home from work or later in the evening.  

So tonight [last night by the time this was posted] anyway, I am "in" for the evening, have been a while.  My son is at work (he works at a movie theater), and my daughter should be on her way home from her boyfriend's house (there is a 2-hr delay tomorrow or she should have been home sooner).  My brother? Probably watching the news or some entertainment news show, or... yes, football.  There's probably a much wider variety of shows he watches.  I try not to pay attention.  I don't like to watch TV where I'm force-fed from the powers at be.  But I do have my own vices (*ahem* GoT among several others, all of which I could do without except GoT).  I just can't stand to have a television playing every hour I'm conscious like he does.  I guess it's considered "white noise" to some.  If only!  

So tonight, I don a sweater, prop myself up against the headboard of my bed, pull the covers up to my waist, and let my fingers transcribe my thoughts.  This is what brings me joy in life, to be left to my own vices to listen to my thoughts and feel my way through my emotions.  To learn to heed the messages my body is telling me.  To hear what friends and family say to me and care about their outcomes and try to be of assistance when timing and synchronicities collide.  This is done relatively blindly of course... I go with my gut, like I do most other things.  Except when I don't.  And I learn, yet again, how and when, through retrospective thought, I fell out of the flow.  And I notice the pattern and commit it to memory... try to remember this lesson when next I am faced with it again.  

Lesson after lesson, blow after delight, glorious joy and bliss, breaking through a spiral of cycles.  Suddenly stepping up and having the rest of me just sort of, with varying lag, come into alignment with the transformed self.

The Weight Loss Journey

The scale is finally being nice to me.  Even when I feel like I've splurged the day before, it somehow, sometimes, still reports progress in the desired direction (but not usually haha).  Yesterday included a party, and at said party I drank beer.  Beer is made out of hops, aka: grain.  Grain is something I am majorly avoiding, by necessity.  My body reacts in various negative immune responses to grains, lentils, & beans.  It is probably the grains, more than any other single factor, that has been killing my metabolism (more so than age alone) and keeping me fat for so many years.  Although, I must add that beer, a fermented product, is far less offending and shows a different set of symptoms than grains in general.  Beer can sometimes be helpful to off-set the other symptoms of having eaten grains (I attribute it to the fermentation process).  But still, beer is calories, and beer results in bloat, both not good for losing weight.  But since November 30th, 2015, I have been serious about a life-style change that includes much stricter measures on offending foods and working out frequently (3-4 days/wk).

This past week or so, if I didn't know any better, I would say that my metabolism seems to have kicked it up a gear.  I am so hungry!  And I'm allowing myself to eat more so that my body doesn't drop into starvation mode.  And, I'm losing more weight, like more easily, it seems.  Finally!  :)  You see, I should not have stepped on the scale this morning and dropped weight after consuming several beers yesterday evening.  And, I broke down and ate 2 reverse-chocolate chip cookies (the dreaded wheat).  All I can say to this, is.... sometimes the body needs to be kept guessing.  Too much routine is killer as the body "learns" and adjusts its functions to use as little energy as possible to manage functions.  Overall, I'm doing what's better for it and a little splurge here and there, or a day having over-eaten some, just serves to keep the body guessing.  I don't know, it's just a theory of mine.  But whatever's really happening, it's happening well apparently. And, I'm getting so excited that I will soon be announcing my first mini-goal being reached, weight-wise.  But not until then. ;)