I seem to have a moral compass that is finely tuned. It’s high-minded and inclusive. It’s also compassionate and can ride a hard-line between highly specific, customized insights - personalized for each person in the moment they are receiving it from me - and downright slammed like a sledgehammer on concrete.
Because of this... let's just call it a personality trait... I try to never give anyone reason to rightfully swing such a hammer on me. Though I am far from perfect, I do aim to be vigilant and spiritually aligned in this way.
One one hand, what I say can come across as the most understanding, gentle and timely intuitive words… words that gently find fissures and cracks in thought processes in the most understated ways. But on the other hand, if you cross me or someone I love in a repetitive pattern a couple times or more, I will bring the hammer down hard in the most concise and direct way as I can at the time (once in a while, hind-sight kicks my own ass). Though I will always try to do it in the least messy way, sometimes a message can be delivered with a great, concise purpose and do it best through the birthing process of emotional pain. Finding that particular fissure in the cracks between too little and too much is always a HUGE risk. I have lost friends and lovers this way. I have even lost family members for periods of time.
Though it is nearly always a deeply deliberated response, I stress greatly over this and understand the risks to the best I can muster. Always by this point, my intellect-backed intuition is SCREAMINGand demanding imminent attention. And to clarify, I said “’nearly always’ a deliberate response”, because sometimes – it’s rare, but it does happen – I am blind-sided by an encounter and my tell-it-like-it-really-is, high-moral, argumentative self can pierce armor like the best of the best in a fraction of a second. Because people cannot take what they hear, I have been beaten physically for this, mostly when I was younger. (Childhood fights) Thankfully, I have mostly avoided this as an adult (not entirely). I once had my nose shattered. I take it as a sign of being cared for by my spirit guides and the universe in general, that I had no pain despite that shattering, and even required no nasal packing after reconstructive surgery, and no pain management medication.
That is the extreme. Usually words are enough and people either initially recoil from the shock (I’m usually rather docile) and then return after a period of time to discuss insights mulled over, or they cannot be reached and we are finished relating hence forth. But one thing I do know… those encounters are not likely ever forgotten – and probably – irregularly revisited in memory for the rest of their lives. In those situations, when our relationship is severed, I trust that time will reveal relevant truths, to them, and to me.
I’m not afraid to be wrong. And if I am, and that person is reasonable, I will likely apologize for my own transgressions even if they never do. Kindness, compassion, and reconciliation are also potent lessons lying in wait for revelation to strike like lightning.
Those memes where it says, “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness”… that’s me. I’m the bestest friend you may ever know, if you are open enough to relate deeply and life takes us in that particular direction. I will seem like a bit of a push-over from time to time. That is me giving space for you to be you, and you to sort out your own pieces. I’m there to listen. I’m there to mirror. I’m there to enjoy our friendship/relationship. I will support your own unique process and do it at the pace at which it feels organic to you.
But if you hurt me, or those I love… I WILL NOT be afraid to call you out on it, and you may not like the experience of it.
That said…. When someone responds with, “I’m sorry. I understand.” POWERFUL HEALING – of both parties - can be born.
This is my superpower. I own it, and I wield it with care.
