Ignition

What a surreal evening.  December 23rd and the thunder is rolling across the sky.  I had to drive home in the beginning of the storm when it was at its worst.  There was a tornado watch in effect... in December.        

surreal

Regardless, I love warmer weather, skipping winter, and thunderstorms.  I also love feeling like I've received the blessing of a warmer day instead of frigid winter temps and blanketed grey skies.  

This week has been a bit different.  I was flying high with a certain vibration for so long and then Wham!  I've decided to harness the energy for what it is.  It started out with having my ducks in a certain row for increased energy (working out and eating better) and culminated in... I guess you could say... putting to rest a situation that needed to be put to rest at work.  With the support of those closest to me and some great superiors, I feel much better.  However... this anger that enraged from the situation may very well have caught some tinder alight in my being.  With the tinder having already been smoldering, I am wondering if, even after I got my resolution at work and felt that relief, the reason I'm still feeling this strong degree of fire inside me is because it's just another way things are burning through me lately.  

It may not last.  

But what if it does?  It makes me think of things like how I will adjust to yet another flavor of personality showing through.  Now I'm starting to get just how a modern mystic like Sadhguru can become so intensely spiritual.  

I had a dream about him the other night.  I'm not sure I want to share it, but it was a powerful message, in essence a confidence booster and recognition of being on target in my life, even by his designs.  You have no idea how important that is to me.  I tried to make it not important, but it is.  Even while I have thought myself lost.... he shows me I am exactly where I need to be and with whom.  

If you keep getting thrust into situations beyond your former experience and comfort zone, you can wiggle your way through realization after realization.  Yet you can still pursue your own goals.  It all depends on what you want and if you want it badly enough.  I've always known what I've wanted badly enough is epic love.  Having tasted it and found myself battered by my and others' inabilities to contain and balance such love, these things I began and eventually all but gave up on.  I have known great failure with some awesome people and been tested through intense heartache and dysfunction.  But my sweet day has come and he travels in love with me now.  And I feel very little, if any, dysfunction with spaceman and I.  That's an awesome thing to be having going on... and there's more.

Since I also changed my activity level and my eating habits, I'm watching my body increase in health... my core feels stronger, no longer like it's sitting its weight upon itself, I feel like I need my inhaler far less, my lungs feel stronger and less breathy, my fresh-out-of-the-dryer jeans felt less snug this morning, I'm not breaking down to snack nearly as much, I've had only 1 day I drank mtn dew since Nov. 30th, I'm not drinking much, I'm not even worrying or stressing over feeling hungrier - I eat or drink something light and sensible to pass it, I'm not finishing what's on my plate - like my parents always insisted, I've severely restricted grains like I should be, I'm at the gym 3 and 4 days a week, today I beat what I did yesterday by a quarter mile with only 30 seconds more on the clock, I've convinced my daughter to work out with me sometimes with the promise that if she did I might get her her own membership too, she did/I did, I have a couple of friends who also workout there and I love having a bit of a social life at the gym instead of come and go and speak to no one, my routine at home is changed as now I frequently shower in the evening instead of night... I would be requiring less sleep if only I weren't blissfully addicted to conversations with my spaceman.  

There's a lot going on that is awesome, 
so much more than I can list here.  

And yet some people I love and care about are going through some of their worst times...  I'm way up here and they're way down there reaching up but unconvinced of their possible success... or just distraught from heartache or numbness.  Having come out of such a period of inner turmoil from 2011-2014 (surprise addiction/being out-sourced/bankruptcy/anger at society and life), I know too intimately how far down the emotional scale that is.  

Maybe it's no wonder 2015 has been a stellar year for me. But that doesn't even begin to explain just how great it has been.  It's epically rewarding.  I really need to thank Tidbitz profusely, for she shared Nahko & Medicine for the People sooooo many times on her Facebook wall that I eventually listened.  Surely I have recounted the happiness breakthrough story, haven't I?  And then there's spaceman <3.  Need I say more???

So this fire inside can rage if it wants to.  I will learn to deal with it like I have the lack of inhibitions, humor, playfulness, and insights.  A fire inside is the type of energy that tripped me up in 2005 with spaceman. Sedona vortexes can be a bitch if you're not prepared. It's not the same "issues" being dealt with but it's that same raw energy.  Am I ready this time to deal with it?  Yeah, I think so.  Just bring the man to me, please.  Put him face to face with me, soon... Februrary <3.



"I'm going to ultimately liberate my consciousness."
"My eyes are crying over bullet-proof pride, because I know I didn't come to make it out alive."
"I will make a change."