Parenting

Maybe I've worked a little too hard on getting through to my daughter over the years (just a little joking here).  You see, I'm an Aquarius and she's a Leo, like her father.  Her dad and I split up when she was just 4 months old, but my girl, her personality is unmistakably wired like her father.  If you ask her, she will agree.

She's a stubborn girl like her mother, too.  Leo's certainly don't corner the market on stubbornness, after all.  And because of our personality differences, raising her has been one of my bigger challenges.  But, it's also been one of the most rewarding.  And before I go any further... I also have an older son, a Virgo, whom has been easier in some respects and challenging in others.  Today, I'm talking about my daughter, because last night we had the most amazing conversation and I realized.... she's grown.  She's mature. She's equipped for life ahead of her.  She's learned all she needs to know from her good ole' mom and that's much more than I realized.  

First, a little background...

This past June my daughter and I embarked on a "diet" together.  She has lost 57 lbs so far, and I've lost 27.  That's amazing and all that, but the real gem in our journey together has been the deepening of our mother-daughter relationship.  We plan meals together.  We sometimes grocery shop together, and she helps out making recipes when she has time around her shifting work schedule.  

Spending so much time with her this past 6 months has deepened our relationship immensely.  I've watched her grow and mature through the years, but until I spent so, so much time one-on-one with her, I never realized just how smart and insightful this young lady has become.  

My particular style of parenting has been a "say yes" style.  I don't flip out much. I always tried to be positive and prune negativity.  Whenever they had frustrations, I tried to help them understand others' point of view and handle them with grace and understanding, but not let others walk all over them either.  It seems simple. But when you have someone who is quick to jump into a "me first" attitude, it's more a challenge to get through to them.  This was my daughter.  She is sassy!

There have been countless times this past year that I have noticed the intelligence that she has going on beneath her veneer.  But last night takes the cake.  She recounted a story about a conversation she and a coworker had where she proceeded to explain how the medical system truly works because they're bought out by the corporations who make money off you being sick, not off you getting well... (but said it with a lot more detail and understanding than I thought she knew).  My jaw was on the floor, and then the giggles kicked in imagining what this other girl must have been thinking as this was being said.  Was it the first time she's heard such things?  I don't know.  But my daughter has heard them countless times from me!

That's all parroting me, right?  Let me go on...

I'm not sure how we ended up on this topic, but she then proceeded to tell me how the rest of the family sees me, but how it's all wrong because the way I really am, if they really knew the real me, was because of this penchant to be calm and peaceful, to not be around drama, stress and negativity.  They see it as I don't care about x, y, or z.  But really it's because I do care, that I don't join in those behaviors.  She went on and on about all this really insightful stuff, that I can't recall well enough to explain here.  Just suffice it to know that, again, my jaw was on the floor listening to my daughter and all her psychological insight.  I really have tried to raise my kids with compassion and understanding for the situations they find themselves in.

We also spoke at length about finances, how to read a credit card statement, how to know what bills to pay first, what's the best strategy for this or that, etc.  She has a really good understanding of her finances and some significant savings built up.  She's 19.  The questions she asks me are specific and show her grasp of her personal economics.  

And therefore I proclaimed to the household, my girl is ready to move out! haha Not that she has to, I told her, but that I'm sure she'll do fine when she finally does.  I don't think that will be for another year though.  She's starting school again after the holidays, this time at the local community college - a much better value for her money.  She switch from a $40k university nursing degree to a less than $10k Pharmacy Technician program.  

Super proud I am!

My 21 year old son is also on his path as well.  He's taken up somewhat of an unofficial apprenticeship in machining, full time.  And he likes it enough that he doesn't complain 24/7 about it. lol  I'll take that as a win for now as well.  And like I eluded to earlier, this boy was born compassionate, despite his masculine dominance. lol  He has a really great balance of both.  :)

For now, the nest is still full, and I'm enjoying most every bit of it.  I wish I could go back in time and tell my young mother self that these kids will turn out just fine and to stop caring what others think of my parenting style and personality quirks.